


Where Is My Mind?

by lesbolust



Category: Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-06-08 23:06:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 50,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6878482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbolust/pseuds/lesbolust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura Hollis is a well decorated officer in the Army of the Republic, or at least she was. Now she is on the run after being tortured for information by her own soldiers, until she comes across a dark haired woman who manages to save her life. The woman tells Laura that there is a resistance group planning to fight against the Republic, but they need her help. Will Laura join her, or will the memories of the country she once served forever plague her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_I was walking down a dark corridor. The only source of light was a single line of flickering fluorescent lights dangling loosely from the ceiling. It smelled damp and rampant of mildew. The walls were full of holes and crumbling pieces of concrete. A cold feeling encompassed my body, and I shuddered. In the distance I could hear a screaming woman. The sound was getting louder the further along I walked. I opened the door at the end of the hallway. There were two men wearing military fatigues to the right sitting next to a wall full of recording equipment. To the left were a man in a suit and another in a long white doctor's coat standing in front of a large window. I walked into the room, and the two men to my right stood at attention. I saluted them and they returned back to their work._

_“You asked to see me, sir?” I asked the man standing across from me in the suit._

_“Ah, Major Hollis, thank you for meeting me.” The man’s face was twisted into a sharp, vicious smile. “It would appear that there is a mole inside your unit that has been sharing Republic secrets to some very dangerous people.” He gestured to the window._

_On the other side of the window was a female soldier whose arms were tied together behind her back and her ankles were shackled to the legs of her chair. She was wearing a pair of fatigues that were torn open exposing a shirt underneath. She was covered in blood, both dried and fresh. Her bare skin was extremely pale, like the color of milk, aside from the large bruises that ran along her shoulders. Her face was completely unrecognizable. Her eyes were both blackened and puffy and her nose was clearly broken. Her lower lip was split open and swollen._

_There were two soldiers standing on either side of her. The tall man was holding a truncheon in his right hand. There was a woman off to the left who was holding a taser, which explained the burn marks along the young woman’s neck. The man began to walk around her. As he came up behind her, he bent down and whispered something into her ear. Even though the woman’s face was badly swollen, I saw her lips curve into a slight smile._

_“I’ve already told you, I don’t know any secrets about the Republic.” The man stood up and the anger on his face was flooding his body._

_“Don’t lie to me, soldier!” Her mouth curved up into a sneer. “I am not someone to toy with. I will destroy you, and your family.” The woman began laughing roughly. Slowly the man began walking around in front of her. His grip on the truncheon tightened as he spoke. “You think this is funny? Didn’t you get married recently, soldier?” Her face went from a smile to sheer anger._

_“If you ever lay so much as a finger on my wife, I will kill you.” She looked up at him, with her eyes as open as she cold. Her mouth was tight as she stared at him. He bent down so that his face was only a few inches away from hers._

_“Are you threatening me?”_

_“No, sir.” She shook her head, her lips pressed into a fine line. “It’s a promise,” she growled._

_“Well there won’t be much you can do if you’re dead.” The man’s face curled into a sadistic smile. He stood up again and looked down at her. “Now, tell me what you told them and maybe I will let your beautiful wife know to expect you home for dinner.” She sat there for a moment, her eyes focused to the floor. She slowly lifted her head and peered directly at me. Her face softened momentarily, a word forming on her lips that I could not quite read, then a visible wave of hatred and anger contorted her features._

_She looked up at him, and smiled. “Go fuck yourself.”_

_The man raised the truncheon above his head and brought it down across her face. Blood splattered all over the left wall. Her body leaned forward, and her head fell toward her lap. Her long, dark hair covered her face, but the blood dripping from her mouth was visible down the front of her shirt and pants. Her shoulders were slumped forward and I could see the marks on her uniform._

I awoke to the sounds of footsteps, treading softly on the crisp frozen ground. Their faint whispers carried through the empty forest, and I could tell they were getting closer. I peered through the camouflage covering that blanketed the hole in the side of a small hill just below an old oak tree. There were three men dressed in white and brown uniforms crouched down to my left side. The crunching of snow indicated that there were at least two more people walking on the hill above me.

I heard a voice whisper “clear” off to my right. The three soldiers began advancing toward me. They walked so soundlessly that they seemed to be gliding over the snow covered leaves that littered the ground. I pushed myself against the side of the hole in order to block myself from their view. All footsteps stopped in front of the opening covered with leaves. My heart began pounding in my chest as the tip of a rifle pushed through the top of the covering, Slowly the leaves were pushed to the side. I reached for the only weapon that I had, a rock. There was a thump, then a crash through the leaf barrier. One of the soldiers lay across the ground in front of me.

“He’s hit, he’s hit! We’re under fire. Fall back!” Gunfire echoed around me. Footsteps were pounding over my head. The visor on his helmet was shattered. He looked up at me; his eyes were the purest blue I had ever seen. I pulled off his helmet as fast as I could. His mouth was moving, but I couldn’t hear his voice over the sounds of gunfire. I leaned over toward him. He reached up and grabbed my shoulder to pull me closer. I could feel his breath on my ear as he spoke.

“They want to kill you, Laura. He’s mad that you got away. Don’t let them win. Run!” I rested my hand on his cheek, and pressed my lips against his forehead. His eyes were wild with fear and pain. His hand dropped from my shoulder, as tears began to stream down my face. I wiped my eyes on the back of my hands, and crawled out of my hole.

There was a light coat of snow that blanketed the ground. My eyes scanned the frosted earth, and counted six pairs of footprints retreating from where I was standing. I broke away in the opposite direction from where the tracks went. I began to run as close to the ground as I possibly could, but the sound of gunfire followed me with every step. I collapsed on the ground, heaving air into my lungs. The cold snow felt good against the open cuts on my skin. I crawled behind a tree and sat there for a moment to collect myself as my head began to throb to the beating of my heart.

As I began to stand, a voice was screaming, “I have her. I have Sinclair in my sights. Approaching with caution.” Before I know it, my feet were moving. Carrying me as fast as they could away from the screaming voice. “Sinclair is on the move. I repeat; Sinclair is on the move. I am keeping the target in my…”

The voice stopped. I spun around to see his body drop to the ground. Behind where his body lay, stood a woman, long dark brown hair flowing across her shoulders in the wind. Her head and body were encompassed in a white uniform that blended into the snow. She stood there for a moment, staring at me. Her eyes moving up and down. A smile began to form in the upper right corner of her mouth. My stomach became tense with the thought that I was this woman’s source of entertainment. She turned her head slightly to the right, as if to focus past me. I watched as a slow realization spread across her face. Her hands rushed to her sides and grabbed the two knives that were sheathed on each hip. “Get down!” As the words came out of her mouth, the knives flew out of her hands. I dropped to the ground just as the knives went over my head and sunk into the chest of another soldier behind me. His gun fired, and I saw the woman grasp her shoulder as crimson slowly covered her white uniform and the snow. 

I stayed low to the ground and crawled toward where she now sat against a tree trunk. I knelt in front of her and pressed the heel of my hand against her shoulder. She screamed in pain, and I quickly used my other hand to cover her mouth. “Who are you, and why are you after me?” I moved my hand away from her mouth. She clenched her jaw and took in a deep breath before speaking.

“Who I am is not important. You are what’s important. You need to run, to hide.” Her dark brown eyes were focused on me. I pressed my hand harder against her shoulder as my grip began to loosen. 

“I don’t leave people behind.” A crooked smile began to creep up along her mouth.

“I heard that you were different from the rest of those drones, but I never thought that you were stupid.” I store at her for a moment, her eyes searching mine for a reaction or change. Finally she sighed.” Fine. There is a one-room cabin about a quarter of a mile northeast from here. There is a trap door that leads to an underground bunker. If we can get to it, there are medical supplies and we can wait out the fighting.”

“Once we are safe, I want answers to my questions.”

“Whatever you want, cutie.” She sneered, but her grin quickly faded as I hoisted her to her feet. “Here.” She took a handgun from the small of her back and handed it to me. “I’m under strict orders to keep you alive. If we run into any trouble, leave me and run.”

I nodded as I took the gun from her and began to walk. The crisp leaves under the blanket of snow began to crunch under my boots. We treaded as softly as we could, doing anything to cover our tracks as we moved through the forest. The brunette woman began to slow her pace the closer we got to our destination. Behind a thick set of bushes and three tall evergreens was a small wooden cabin. It appeared to be well kept aside from the grape vines growing over the shutters.

I climbed up into one of the evergreens as the woman checked the perimeter and interior of the cabin. She stood in the doorway and motioned for me to come inside. As I climbed down from my hiding spot, a rush of mistrust swam over me. I suddenly felt like a lamb being led to slaughter. I know nothing about this woman except that I had seen her kill two people, and that she saved my life, twice. There was little I could do now to turn and run, my thirst for knowledge had overthrown my better judgment. I needed to know who this woman was, and why she was protecting me. I prepared myself for the unknown as well as I could, and stepped into the cabin. The door shut behind me, and we were encased in complete darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

A flashlight turned on behind me. The shadows danced around the room playing tricks on my eyes. I followed the woman as she moved across the small one room cabin over to a bed. It was a small, single-person mattress laid on top of a wooden box. There was a small shelf above the head of the bed that was full of miscellaneous objects. Her hands moved over them so quickly that I didn’t see what she touched, but all of a sudden the bed began sliding into the wall.

Once the bed was completely incased in the wall, the woman shined the light down onto the floor. There was a metal hatch with one small opening at the far right corner. The woman placed her thumb into the opening. After a few second, the lock clicked and the hatch flew open. Light streamed into the room through the opening in the floor. I peered down the opening into a small shaft that led into what appeared to be an under ground bunkers. Twenty feet down, I could see the floor.

“After you.” I looked at her cautiously, as she gestured for me to go first. I holstered my gun in my belt along my lower back, and began my decent down the ladder. 

When my head was below the opening, she began to climb in after me. Her head was level with the opening as she flipped open the lid to another keypad. She pulled the hatch closed, and then pressed her thumb against the finger print scanner. The hatch locked, and I heard the scrapping of the bed as it began to move back across the floor to cover our entry point.

As I climbed down the ladder, I began to feel the heat envelope me body. My rigid muscles and bones relaxed as the warmth spread through me. After a moment my feet reached solid ground, and I stood waiting for my companion. I could see her shoulders shaking and watched as her hand slipped on the rung. I held my arms out to catch her, but she steadied herself and continued her decent. When she was two feet from the ground, she repelled herself from the ladder, landing as soft as a cat on the ground.

I turned my back to the ladder and gazed down the long tunnel in front of me. The concrete walls stretched on for what seemed like forever. Florescent lights ran all along the ceiling and the floor, giving the effect of a runway. I felt her hair tickle the bare skin on my shoulder as she brushed by me down the hall. I followed her into what I thought to be a room, but turned out to be another tunnel. There was a large metal door, that one would typically see guarding a vault, at the end of the hallway. When we approached it, she positioned herself to the right of the door in front of another print scanner and a larger scanner level with her eyes. As she pressed her finger to the panel, a beam of red light shined into her eyes and along the rest of her face. Once the light vanished, the door unlocked, and she pushed her way through it.

I followed her through the door into a medical supply storage room. She stood in the doorway for a moment as if trying to remember what we came here for. She set off down one of the aisles. “Take whatever you need,” I heard her say after a moment. I started walking up and down the aisles grabbing bandages, antiseptics, and cold packages. Once I was finished, I made my way back to the doorway that we had entered through.

The dark haired woman walked out of the door and into a room across the hall. Her arms were full of surgical supplies, gauze, and bandages. The room we walked into was an exam room. I grabbed a chair and rolling table and pushed them up to the exam bed as she sat on it. She set out everything in her arms next to her on the bed and began removing her jacket and shirt that were now both saturated with blood. I walked over to the sink and thoroughly washed my hands, then put on a pair of latex gloves. 

“I can take care of it myself.” She looked at me sternly, but I ignored her and grabbed a small metal basin and filled it half way with antiseptic. I collected the scalpel and forceps off the bed next to her and began soaking them in the solution. Finally she gave up and laid back on the exam table. I flipped on a light that was over the bed and pulled it down to examine her wound. 

After I cleaned some of the blood around the hole in her shoulder, I cut it open just enough to be able to stick the forceps in. Before I pulled out the bullet lodged inside of her, I felt around with my fingers to figure out how deep it had gone in. I watched her face as I slid my finger into the hole to feel for the bullet. Her jaw was tense as she tried to distract herself from the pain, but her eyes stayed focused on watching what I was doing.

“Do you do this to all the pretty girls you meet?” She asked as I removed my finger from the hole in her shoulder.

“I don’t really meet a lot of girls after they get shot trying to save my life.” The right corner of her mouth curved up into a smile.

“Well, you’re lucky you’re cute, Cupcake. I don’t go around getting shot for just anyone.” My eyes flashed up and caught her staring at me. I quickly looked away and back at her wound, trying to hide my flushed cheeks.

“You’re lucky that this isn’t very deep.” I stuck the forceps into the hole and pulled out the bullet, then placed it into the bowl of antiseptic. She grabbed the bullet off of the table and began examining it as I cleaned out the wound. 

“You have quite the bed side manner, Colonial Hollis.” She wasn’t smiling, and the comment seemed to carry an incredibly sarcastic overtone. Her over all demeanor appeared to be genuine, through I still wasn’t certain.

“Thank you,” I said. “I got it from my mother.”

“I assume she was the one who taught you all these fancy tricks?” Her brown eyes were staring at me. I dropped my head to look at my feet as I often did when I was nervous, or whenever someone brought up my mother.

“Yes, she was a trauma surgeon for the Republic. She started teaching me emergency medicine when I was very young.” 

“She taught you well.” Her eyes focused on me as I reached for the sutures on the table, and she slowly began to sit up. “I can do the rest myself. I don’t trust that you won’t leave a scar.” I looked at her face for a moment to see if she was serious.

“You don’t trust me to stitch you up, but you trusted me to take out the bullet?” I asked her a little crossly. “Besides, shouldn’t I be the one who shouldn’t trust you? I don’t know anything about you, yet you seem to know who I am.” Her smile quickly turned into a scowl and she laid back down on the bed. I changed my gloves, then began suturing the hole in her shoulder.

After a couple of minutes of silence, with her eyes still focused on the ceiling, the dark haired women took in a deep breath then all at once said, “My name is Carmilla, but most people just call me Captain Karnstein. There, now you know my name and can stop asking me silly questions.” My eyes stayed focused on what I was doing, but a smile slowly spread across my face.

After about a half hour, I finished stitching up her shoulder, wrapped the wound with gauze and washed my hands. A moment later, Carmilla slid off the table and walked over to a small closet on the other side of the room. It was stocked full of fresh black uniform clothing. She grabbed herself a clean pair of pants, socks, a shirt and jacket, then threw me a matching uniform for myself. “You’re a hot mess. Let’s go get you cleaned up, Cupcake.”

I followed her out of the room and a little farther down the hall. We turned down a small, dead end cove. There was a door on either side, and she walked into the one on the right. It was a small room with two beds coming out of each sidewall, and two sets of shelves built underneath them. Straight across from the entry door, was a sliding door that led to a bathroom.

“There’s soap and whatnot already in there. I’ll wait out here until you’re done. Then we can find some food.” I nodded my head and thanked her, and then slid the door shut behind me.

The hot water felt heavenly on my ice-cold body. It was the first hot shower that I had had in almost 2 weeks. I stood under the water for about 10 minutes before I began cleaning myself. When I finally got out of the shower, I stood in front of the mirror that was above the sink staring at what was a mere former image of myself. My brown eyes that were normally flecked with gold were missing their normal shine and had sunken in, dark circles surrounded them. My skin was no longer tinted golden brown, but instead blended into the cream colored walls. The straight honey colored hair that I had inherited from my mother was nothing more than a tangled mess of knots stretching down my back. I had to pull myself away in order to start getting dressed. 

There were a couple hair ties in a cabinet under the sink that I used to do what little I could with my knotted mess of hair. When I was finished, I hung up my towel and slid open the door. Carmilla was lying on the bed closest to the door. As soon as she heard the door shut, she jumped up, turned, and pointed her gun at me. We stood staring at one another for a moment, then she lowered her gun and collapsed back onto her bed. I walked over and placed my dirty clothes on the desk at the foot of my bed, then sat down across from her. 

“I appreciate everything you have done for me today, but I am still very confused as to who you are and what all is going on right now.” She looked over to me, and then slowly began to sit up.

“Honestly Creampuff, I doubt that you would believe me if I told you.” She dropped her gaze down to her hands. 

“Try me.” She looked up at me with a very interested expression.

“Alright. For a long time, the government before the Republic was a peaceful democracy. The laws were fair and just. About 40 years ago, the people were seeking change, and one man rose to give it to them.” She paused for a moment and I found my mouth moving.

“Vordenberg.”

“Yes, Baron Vordenberg. He promised the people three simple things: peace, food, and the freedom to choose. For a few years, everyone was happy and the world seemed to be a wonderful place. The people never knew what was going on in the government. President Vordenberg became a tyrant. When the people tried to rebel against him, he murdered them and destroyed everyone that they loved. Now the powerful have grown and the weak are dying off.” She stopped to make sure I was following everything she was saying. I nodded, and she continued on. “Vordenberg was unable to destroy the entire rebel stronghold. Primarily because he couldn’t find it.” She gestured around the room. “Another reason is that he couldn’t find all of them. There are more rebels than anyone knows, and most of them are inside the Republic.” 

“I don’t understand. How does this group even exist? How are you able to afford everything?” Her mouth curved up into a smile as she spoke.

“We have some very rich supporters.” I store at her in disbelief. No one in his or her right mind would support a challenge to Baron Vordenberg. “Our group was started by a group of military leaders from the Republic who saw how corrupt everything was. Vordenberg never knew who was in charge of the groups of rebels, that’s why it was so hard for him to destroy them. For the last 10 years, the groups have been keeping quite in order to plan a large offensive. Most of the people that were murdered were civilians. The elite leaders are Republic soldiers, like you.”

“I am not a Republic soldier anymore. I don’t know what I am now.” I said as I looked down at my feet. I felt her eyes on me, but we sat in silence for a moment. She stood up and put her hand on my shoulder.

“Come on. Let’s try and find something to eat.” I stood up and followed her out of the room. We walked around for what seemed like an hour trying to find a pantry or mess hall. Finally we found a small room with a stove, sink, and a cupboard with some canned goods and other nonperishable items. Carmilla surveyed the contents of the cabinet and pulled out a box of pasta and jar of sauce. She spun around on her heels, holding up what she had grabbed. “How’s spaghetti sound?” Her eyes were warm but I could still see the concern written all over her face. Although I had no interest in pasta, I found myself incapable of telling her. Instead I nodded my head and began filling one of the large pots on the stove with water and placed it over the flames. 

Carmilla leaned up against the counter next to the stove as I stood in front of it cooking. I could feel her eyes on me, moving up and down, absorbing every detail of me. I tried to keep my focus on what I was doing so that she did not know I felt it. When I turned to grab the pasta from behind her, I quickly looked up at her face. Her eyes were focused on my arms and hands that were covered in bruises, cuts, and burns. Her mouth was tight in anger and her brow was furrowed in concentration and thought. As I dumped that pasta into the boiling water a thought came to my mind. “When are we going to be able to leave here?”

My voice broke her concentration, “Huh?” She looked up at me with a blank face, waiting for me to speak.

“When will we be able to leave the bunker?”

“It’s hard to say. The scanners have sent indicators back to my command that I am here, and as far as they know I was the last one to see you. So they will assume that you are with me. Because of you, they have to take extreme safety precautions. A rescue team can’t be sent out until the Republic’s units have all cleared out of the area. It could be days, or weeks.”

I looked back down at the boiling pasta and simmering sauce and nodded my head in acknowledgement. Everything seemed to be finished cooking, so I drained the pasta and plated everything. I carried both of the plates into the next room, which contained a small table that could seat four. I set the plates down and slid into the chair opposite the Captain.

Despite my lack of interest in the dinner choice, the aroma of the spaghetti swept through me causing my stomach to growl so ferociously that I had to wrap my arms around myself. The feeling must have shown because Carmilla looked up at me quizzically, pasta dangling out of her mouth. She finished chewing and swallowed as the chorus from my stomach rang out again. Her mouth curved down into a frown, “You didn’t want spaghetti, did you?” Her eyes were staring down at my full plate.

“No, spaghetti’s fine!” I turned my grimace into a weak smile. She looked as if she was about to protest, but I quickly put a fork full of noodles in my mouth before she could say anything else. After I swallowed my mouthful, she shrugged and went back to eating. 

Although I was starving, I only ate a few more mouthfuls, to prevent myself from becoming sick. I pushed my plate to the side and my mind began to race. I was one of the most decorated officers in the Army of the Republic. How is it that I didn’t know about these rebel groups, or who this Captain Karnstein was? And why has the government that I have spent the last 10 years of my life dedicated to serving turned against me? Why are they hunting me like I am a doe? I must have portrayed my confusion because Carmilla stopped eating.

“You have a lot of questions, don’t you?” Her body was relaxed and her expression was sincere.

“Yes.” I looked back down at my hands. They were so unfamiliar to me.

“I’ll answer whatever I can, and I will find out answers to everything else, okay?” She slid her hand across the table and laid in on top of mine. “Come on, you need to rest.”

We put away our dishes and went back to the room in which we had gone earlier so that I could shower. Carmilla sat down on the bed that she had been laying in before, and I took my spot on the other bed. We both began to unlace our boots. I neatly set mine next to my bed while Carmilla propelled hers across the room. She laid down on her bed with her knees risen in the air, and she pulled out a small notebook and pen out from underneath her pillow and began jotting things down. It looked quite worn and old.

“Is that your diary?” I asked her sarcastically, chuckling to myself, slightly. 

“Actually, yes.” Her eyes stayed focused on writing, unfazed by my snarky comment.

“Oh!” I felt my cheeks flush.

“It’s more of a journal. I’ve been keeping it for the last 2 years. I decided I’d start it after I left the Army of the Republic.” She closed the book and slid it back under her pillow. “We should get some sleep.” 

She reached up above her bed and flipped a switch along the wall. The room went completely dark. My mind was full of questions and memories of what had happened in the last few hours of the day. I tried to block out my thoughts and calm my mind by imagining that there were stars dancing along the ceiling. Eventually my eyelids grew heavy, and I drifted off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

I awoke the next morning to an empty room. The light was on, and on the desk table that was pressed against the wall at the foot of my bed, was a tray with a steaming cup and a bowl. I got up and walked over to the desk. The mug was filled with hot chocolate and the bowl of oatmeal. There was a small piece of paper lying on the tray that just said, “EAT!” I carried the tray back over to my bed, sat down against the wall, and ate.

After I finished, I got up to take a shower. When I walked into the bathroom, there was a fresh towel hanging on the rack next to the sink. On the shelf above the toilet was a fresh change of clothes, I assumed were for me. I turned the water on, and as it heated up I undressed myself and got in. There was a second set of toiletry bottles in there that had been used. Carmilla must have gotten up quite a while ago, because the shower was completely dry. I spent much of my time in the shower attempting to detangle my unruly hair. After a while I gave up any thought that it would happen.

As I stepped out of the shower, I wrapped my towel tightly around me. There was a light rapping on the bathroom door. I slid it open just enough to see Carmilla standing there holding out a brush and a small container that looked like a first aid kit. “May I come in?” There was a slight, devilish look in her eyes. I nodded, and slid the door open so that she could come in.

She walked over to the small cabinet, placing the brush and first aid kit on top of it. Slowly, she began combing her fingers through my hair. When the worst of the knots were out, she started brushing it. She worked swiftly and quietly, as if she had done it hundreds of times before. The wet, brown locks began to drape around my shoulders, I had almost forgotten how long it really was. When Carmilla had gotten all of the knots out, she gently twirled my hair up into a bun. I looked up into the mirror and my eyes met Carmilla’s smiling reflection.

“There,” she said softly as she tucked my bangs back behind my ears. “That’s much better.” Her fingers lingered momentarily before she moved to get the first aid kit. “Now, let’s take a look at these cuts.”

I tried to smile back at her, but it was no valiant effort. My eyes drifted back down to my hands that were grasping the sink, mostly for balance. Ever so slightly, she began tracing her fingertips across the broken skin along my shoulders and back. I glanced back up and saw that her smile had turned into tight lips and her eyes were dark and focused.

“Some of these are going to be hard to get completely clean, and they’re going to hurt.” Her eyes came back up to meet mine in the mirror.

“I’ll be okay.” She was looking at me with understanding, and my mind began to swim with wonder about the woman standing behind me. Carmilla took out a bottle of peroxide and applied it to the cuts along my shoulders. I could hear the bubbling noises that began after the cool liquid touched my skin. Some of the deeper cuts along my back began to burn. I clenched my hands against the metal sink to keep the pained look from my face.

After she had cleaned all of the cuts and burns, Carmilla applied an extremely liberal amount of an antibacterial ointment nearly all over my skin, then wrapped my upper body in bandages. She walked out of the room, leaving me to dress myself. It was a struggle at first, but the cool cloth felt relaxing against my burning skin. The pants were a little big, and made it easier for me to slip them on. Once I was done lacing up my boots, I walked back into the living area. Carmilla was sitting on her bed, facing the bathroom. Her legs were open and her elbows were resting on her knees, her head down in her hands.

When I walked into the room, she rubbed her eyes with her hands and looked up at me. Her eyes were bloodshot, like she had been crying. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” she sniffled as she smiled, weakly. Even sad, she was still breathtakingly beautiful. Her eyes were a deep brown, and her hair was almost black. Her half-hearted smile was somehow familiar to me, though I couldn’t place it. Everything about her felt like a dream of another life that I never knew. “Come with me,” she said softly, standing up. “I want to show you something.”

I followed her out of the room and down a long stretch of tunnels. We came to a small hallway that turned into a dimly lit corridor the farther back we walked. Carmilla pulled out a flashlight, but we could barely see past the beam. After what felt like hours of walking, we came to stop in front of what appeared to be a large vault. There was no handle, just a large iron door built into the rock wall. Carmilla began feeling across the wall, though I could not see what for. Her hand stopped, and the corner of her mouth quirked up into a smirk as her thumb disappeared into the door. Suddenly, the rock wall began to shift. Next to the door, a small keypad was revealed. Carmilla pressed a series of numbers and the door creaked open.

It was pitch black inside, even with the flashlight, I could barely see in front of me. From what little I could make out, the room appeared to be filled with maps and computers. Carmilla headed over to one of the computers and turned it on. After a moment, the screen began to glow faintly. A small box popped up on the blank screen and Carmilla quickly typed something in and the screen suddenly began to flash. Encryptions were cascading down and crossing over the screen. The rest of the equipment began to thrum and come to life. Slowly the lights came on all around us.

“What is this place?” The walls were littered with different maps of the Republic and its government leaders. From what I could gather, these were war plans.

“This is our underground command center. Well, sort of. The real command center is at the rebel strong hold, which is where we will be going once we can leave here. There are five of these small ones scattered around. One in each underground bunker that we have, but everything is all linked together.” 

“So,” I turned to her, gesturing to the walls. “These are your plans to over throw the Republic?” The corner of her mouth curved up into a grin as I turned back around.

“Rough plans, but yes.” I could feel her eyes on me as I walked around the room, absorbing everything in front of me. I stopped at one of the computers, the screen no longer full of encryptions. Instead, it was plain blue, with the seal of the Republic in the center. “We are linked in to the Republic’s system. It’s how we obtain a substantial amount of our information. Like how we knew that they had detained you or that you had escaped yesterday.”

“Or where they suspected I was hiding?”

“No,” she said in a breathy sort of laugh. “That was a lucky guess,” she added as she came to stand next to me, lips curved up into a small smirk.

“Why are you showing me this?” My voice was soft, but curious. “Aren’t you worried that I will give the information to the Republic?” 

“Honestly cutie, I don’t think you’re any type of threat,” she said gesturing to my bruised and broken body. She was right. I was basically an outlaw now, anyway. “I could tell last night that you were skeptical, and it was the only thing I could think of to prove things to you.” Her eyes no longer had the twinkle of laughter in them, and her mouth was set in a hard line as she continued. “The leaders of the Resistance believe that you are an extremely valuable asset to the fight against the Republic.” A mix of emotions flashed across her face as she spoke, but her features turned into a small scowl before I could place them.

“But why me?” My voice was shaky, as I quietly added, “I don’t understand.”

Carmilla just shrugged. “You know more about Vordenberg than anyone else. You were basically his protégé. To him, and to the Resistance, you are irreplaceable.” Her eyes focused on me as I dropped my head down, looking at the bruises and cuts on my hands.

“Obviously I am.” Carmilla clasped her hand on my shoulder, causing me to look back up at her. Her eyes were soft and laced with concern.

“They don’t deserve you, Laura.” I felt a shiver run down my spine at the way my name sounded on her lips. I just nodded, dropping my head to avoid those dark eyes. Her hand fell from my shoulder, and I watched her feet slowly move away. “Come on,” she said from over by the main computer. “Let’s go find something to eat.” 

Within a matter of seconds we were encompassed in complete darkness, again. Carmilla turned the flashlight on, and I followed her back out of the vault. We walked silently back toward the kitchen area we had been in the night before. My mind was racing with everything Carmilla had said about the Republic and the Resistance, none of it making any sense to me. I had joined the Army of the Republic when I was 17, receiving top honors at the Academy, and going on to become one of the youngest, most decorated officers in it’s history. How was it possible that I knew nothing of this so-called Resistance? I was broken from my daydream when Carmilla grabbed my arm and pushed me back against the wall. Her body was flush against mine; her hand was covering my mouth. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest and I couldn’t tell if it was from the sudden act, or the feeling of Carmilla’s warm breath against the skin of my neck. 

When she pulled her head back, her finger was pressed to her lips. I nodded my understanding, and she removed her hand from around my mouth. My heart rate had slowed enough, that the rush of blood was no longer thrumming in my ears. I could hear footsteps coming toward us from around the corner. Carmilla already had her gun out, and had started to make her way toward the adjoining tunnel. She motioned for me to stay where I was as she looked around the corner, then disappeared behind it. I moved closer to the edge of the wall, straining myself to hear her footsteps. She moved as quietly as a cat down the corridor, but I could hear the muffled sound of voices toward the end of the hall.

“Took you long enough,” Carmilla said. I peered around the corner and saw her standing in the doorway of the room we had been in earlier, with a full grin stretched across her face. She backed away as two soldiers dressed in the same white gear as Carmilla had been wearing in the woods came out of the room. The taller of the two, standing directly in front of her, took off their helmet. Long red hair spilled down her shoulders, and her mouth was set in a crooked grin.

"We didn’t assume you to be the rescuing type, Captain.” Her voice was echoing in my head, and I felt my chest tighten. My feet started moving on their own as I turned the corner, steadily making my way toward the three soldiers. “There you are,” the red head said, grinning at me. 

Carmilla turned toward me, her smile vanishing from her lips. I kept my eyes focused on the tall woman in front of me as I grabbed the knife I knew was in a small pocket in Carmilla’s pant leg. I heard her scream my name, but it was too late. As the red head bent down, opening her arms to embrace me, I plunged the knife between her ribs. She grabbed me, and I store into her blue eyes while I listened to the air escape from her punctured lung. The last thing I saw was the shock on her face slowly fading to horror until I felt a needle in my neck, the world suddenly going black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is going so slowly. I'm hoping that it's summer I'll be able to get more done.
> 
> Also, the first couple chapters are kind of choppy because I took them from something else I was writing. The chapter after this is when I basically started from scratch so it should flow a lot better.
> 
> Let me know what y'all think!


	4. Chapter 4

When I woke up, I was no longer in the bunker. I was lying in a small bed in a solitary hospital room. The walls were white, save for the one to my right, which was completely made of glass. The sky was a grayish-blue, and a blanket of fresh snow covered the ground. I could hear the whirring of the machines and the rhythmic beeping of the cardiac monitor. My head was throbbing to the beat of my own heart.

Carmilla must have known this, or didn’t want to startle me, because she spoke softly. “Nice to see you’re awake, Creampuff.” She was sitting on an uncomfortable looking metal chair to the left of my bed. Her eyes looked concerned, but her smile was warm and calming.

“Thanks, I guess.” I muttered as I tried to lift myself into a sitting position. Once I was situated, I looked over at her. Her gaze was fixed on me, still worried, but no longer smiling. “What happened to my head?”

“Well,” she started. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” Her eyes narrowed and her mouth grew tight. “You see, I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why in the living hell you would stab one of your best friends in the rib cage.” Her voice was quiet, but stern. It sent a shiver down my spin.

“She killed Kirsch.” Tears began to fill my eyes as I spoke softly in response.

“Killed Kirsch?” Her brow was furrowed. “Kirsch isn’t dead.” The tightness had left her face and suddenly she looked shocked and confused.

I felt the warm tears begin to roll down my cheeks. “He fell through the fox hole I was hiding in, gushing blood. He told me to run. I knew it was Danny, she’s the only one that could have made a shot like that!” My voice became shaky as I tried to choke back the sadness filling my chest. “I saw him. I know he’s dead!”

“Laura, listen to me.” Her voice was soft, and her hand was on top of mine causing me to look up at her. “Kirsch isn’t dead, he was a decoy. Yes Danny shot him, but she didn’t kill him. It wasn’t real blood.” She got out of her chair and sat on the side of my bed. “Do you honestly think that anyone, especially that gargantuan red head, would kill that over grown puppy?”

“Why not? I had no idea she was apart of this rebellion,” I shot back at her. I wasn’t mad at her, but she was the only one here for me to take my anger out on.

“They were just trying to protect you, Cupcake.” She sounded so sincere, but the statement only made me angrier.

“I don’t need anyone to protect me,” I replied, looking her in the eyes. “I’m a soldier, not a child.”

“Fine,” she said, standing up from my bed. Her hand pulled away from mine, and I immediately felt like something was missing. She threw a stack of clothes on my legs. “Put these on then, soldier, and I’ll show you around.” She started to walk out of the room, stopping at the door. “As long as you promise not to stab anyone else.” I could only see the side of her face, but I could see her lips curved up into a smirk before the door closed behind her.

I got dressed as quickly as I could, but all of my muscles were sore. The bandages on my back and shoulders had been changed, and the rest of my injuries had all been treated, as well. When I was finished, I opened the door to find Carmilla standing guard next to it. She nodded her head, and I began following her.

Carmilla referred to the place that we were in as The Compound, and it was a lot larger than I had thought it would be. The hospital was toward the center of what appeared to be a small city. She took me around to the barracks and to the apartment I had been assigned. I had a bedroom and bathroom to myself, but the kitchen and living room were shared space. She didn’t mention who my roommate was, but I could tell that they were messy from the accidental peek I got of their bedroom. It took us almost 5 hours for her to show me everything she thought was necessary for me to see, for now. By the time we had finished, my stomach had begun to growl loud enough for the entire Compound to hear.

“I’m sorry,” Carmilla said, looking down at me holding my stomach with a frown. “I forgot you haven’t eaten since yesterday. Come on, I’ll show you the luxurious dining facilities that we have to offer.” The sarcastic edge in her voice was palpable.

The dining hall was sandwiched in between the barracks and the office areas of The Compound. This place was extremely self-sufficient. Everything that was used for food was grown, raised, or caught within the surrounding areas of The Compound. Carmilla informed me that the dining hall was capable of holding nearly 3,000 individuals at one time, however the forces living within it were only about 1/3 of that. 

“How does the Republic not know about this place?” I asked her, as we walked through the hall. She was carrying both of our trays as we made our way over to a table.

“I don’t know if you could see the entire view from you’re window, but we are in the Northeastern portion of the continent. The Republic hasn’t ventured this far out in decades.” From what I could remember of my history lessons growing up, I knew that the Republic had receded from the Northeastern coast after it’s formation due to a lack of viable resources. The rebel forces had clearly used the abandoned area to their advantage.

We found an empty table toward the back of the hall. Carmilla set our trays on the table, and we sat down and started eating. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, but I kept my head down as I ate. I almost missed the shadow that had fallen over my side of the table, until a voice came from behind me.

“May we join you, hotties?” My head snapped up, and my chair was pushing itself back as I stood up, throwing my arms around the speaker’s neck.

“Kirsch!” I nearly screeched into his ear. He set his own tray on the table before wrapping his arms gently around me. As he lifted me up off of the ground, I buried my head into his neck. “I thought you were dead," I sobbed softly. 

“I’m so sorry Laura,” he whispered in my ear as he gently set me back onto the ground. “We couldn’t risk anyone knowing that I was still alive.” I wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my shirt before sitting back down at the table. Kirsch sat down next to me, along with two shorter redheads. Neither of whom I recognized.

“Hello, Laura.” The red head with the long curly hair was looking at me with a large smile, her hand extended across the table to me. “My name is Lola Perry, but you can just call me Perry.” I reached out to shake her hand, trying to return her genuine smile, but coming up short. “This is LaFontaine,” she said, gesturing to the shorthaired individual sitting next to her. They waved, a toothy grin taking up their face.

“Hello, nice to meet you both.” I smiled again, before turning my attention back to the food in front of me. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me. Thankfully, LaFontaine cleared their throat, and began talking to everyone. I kept my head down, but still continued to listen to what everyone was saying. From what I gathered, LaFontaine was some type of scientist that appeared to be developing weapons to use against the Republic. I wasn’t really sure how Perry fit into the group dynamic. From the way she was sorting her food into neat piles so that none of it was touching, she didn’t really seem to be the rebellious type to me. 

Throughout the rest of our meal, I could see Carmilla staring at me out of the corner of my eye. Even when LaFontaine and Kirsch were talking to her, her eyes were focused on me. I felt uncomfortable under her steady gaze, but when I looked, her eyes were full of worry. I gave her what I thought was a reassuring smile, but she just excused herself, leaving me alone with Kirsch, LaFontaine, and Perry. When everyone was finished, Kirsch offered to walk me back to my apartment.

“So,” he started, after we had left the dining hall. “I heard you stabbed Lawrence.” When I looked up at him, his face was blank of all emotion, which was very unusual for Kirsch.

“I thought she had shot you.” I answered, just as nonchalantly. “Maybe if you two had let me in on your little secrets, I wouldn’t have thought she had.”

“Laura,” he started, but I quickly cut him off.

“Save it, Kirsch.” He stopped walking. When he turned to me, I could see the guilt in his eyes.

“I’m sorry we didn’t tell you, but we couldn’t!” He was pleading with me to understand, and I wanted to, so I listened. “You have been Vordenberg’s right hand girl since you graduated the Academy. He has had spies on you for years and we couldn’t risk blowing everything. So many of us have been double agents, we just couldn’t blow our cover.” I nodded as he mumbled another apology.

“How is she?” I realized I hadn’t asked since I had woken up.

“She’ll be fine,” he said, a small smile curving up his lips. "She's tough." He winked, and I smiled. We spent the rest of the way back to my apartment without another word between us.

I had known Kirsch and Danny for as long as I could remember. They were the first real friends I had ever made. We were all in the same year at the Academy. Danny had been one of the best sharp shooters in history, while Kirsch had been great with the whole camaraderie thing. Then there was me. I never thought I would be some type of super soldier or anything like that, but I had always been persistent. Physically, I was small, but extremely fit. My father had insisted I learn Krav Maga, so I had been trained in hand-to-hand combat from a young age. Which gave me a slight advantage early on, but most of my accomplishment had been academic. I was, in fact, wonderful at strategizing. After I graduated from the Academy, I began working for Vordenberg, directly. I guess that’s what made all of this so hard to wrap my head around.

We were at my apartment before the silence became too deafening between the two of us. I used the key card Carmilla had given me to unlock the main door to apartment 307. The living room was empty when Kirsch and I walked in, but I could hear a rustling coming from the room to my right. As I turned to head into my room, the other door swung open. When I turned around, Carmilla was leaning against the doorframe.

“I see you brought the puppy home,” she said, smirking at the two of us. Kirsch had this big, dopey grin on his face and as I looked up at him I realized how accurate the comparison was. For the first time in what felt like years, I felt a genuine smile stretch across my lips.

“Don’t worry,” I said, grinning back at her. “I’ll be sure to clean up after him.” She shook her head at me as she pushed herself off of the doorframe and began walking into the kitchen. I turned around and started making my way into my bedroom. Kirsch grabbed my wrist, stopping me at the doorway.

“Give me a sec?” He asked as he tipped his head toward Carmilla. I nodded, going into my room. I started to shut the door behind me, but Kirsch’s voice made me stop so that I could still hear through the crack.

“Are you okay?” He asked her as he stepped into the kitchen. I could hear Carmilla scoff, but she didn’t respond. “It’s going to take time.” I could tell from Kirsch’s tone, that he was trying to reassure her of something.

“Time, right,” she said. “Because we have so much of it.” Her voice was low, but I could still hear that it was dripping with sarcasm.

“Why don’t you just tell her?” Kirsch whispered. I heard something slam against the counter, and there was a long pause before Carmilla spoke.

“There isn’t anything to tell,” she said. Kirsch began to say her name again, but she cut him off. “It isn’t going to happen so stop trying, Pup.” 

I moved away from the door, sitting down on my bed, as I heard footsteps coming from the kitchen. Carmilla’s door was slamming shut as Kirsch was walking into my room, a sheepish look on his face. There was a small desk in the room, and he sat down on the chair, turning it to face me. I wanted to ask him about his exchange with Carmilla, but the words seemed to be stuck in my throat. I took in a deep breath, Kirsch looking at me expectantly. He knew I had questions, and one way or another I was getting answers.

“Tell me everything,” was all I managed to say. And he did. 

Before the Republic came about, there were two different groups fighting for control of the country. When the militia group finally took control, a woman by the name of Lilita Morgan was elected as the leader of the Republic. However her time in office was plagued with suffering. The new country and government were still weak, and severely in debt. People wanted retribution, and Morgan was preaching peace. Vordenberg had been a rallying voice for the people, promising them wealth, power, and safety. He led a coup d'état, and assumed power after Morgan’s overthrow a mere 5 years after the establishment of the Republic.

When Vordenberg took power he showered the country in prosperity, however it was all an illusion. The last 20 years have been plagued with deceit from Vordenberg’s administration. The government had been hording any actual wealth the country has, making minuet changes to things such as taxes so that people barely realized they were rising. The people believed they had a say in their government, but any opposition to Vordenberg was crushed in the most brutal of ways. Whenever anyone discovered this, they would suddenly appear missing. 

Morgan’s loyal followers started the Resistance; military leaders and such closest to her that knew about Vordenberg’s many evil deeds. The group took over the area that eventually made up The Compound shortly after Morgan’s downfall, and began building the Resistance to what it is now. Many of the people that are apart of it are recruited, like Kirsch was. However, some of them were born here. There numbers are far greater than anyone realizes, including Vordenberg. For nearly 20 years he was unaware of the Resistance at all, but certain events a few years ago led to the administration finding out about a possible coup. He quickly flushed out all those who he thought were responsible, and took extreme caution around others.

“Others like me, you mean?” I asked him once he had finished.

“Like you,” he said. “And me, by association.” I nodded. Kirsch had been one of my best friends, of course they would suspect him if they suspected me. “When Vordenberg realized how many of his soldiers were planning against him, he took every action he could to root them out. He thought that once he got rid of their leader, it would all be over, but he didn’t dig deep enough.”

“Who was it?” I asked, more to myself as I tried to rake my brain for a memory of any of these events taking place. 

“That would be the sexy thing across the hall.” His lips were quirked into an almost vicious grin, a devilish look in his eyes. I thought back to the dark haired woman who I had met in the forest only a couple days before. She couldn’t have been more than a year older than me, yet I could not place where I had seen her before.

“Kirsch, I remember everyone who graduated within 5 years of us,” I said, looking up at him. His smile suddenly fell, the color draining from his face as realization came over him. “I don’t remember her.” 

He sat there for a moment, as if debating with himself on what to say. “Carmilla is,” he paused and I could see that he was chewing on the inside of his cheek. “She’s kind of an illusive being. Just,” He looked up at me, and his eyes were full of something I couldn’t quite place. “Just give it time, I’m sure you will remember her.” I nodded.

“Something about her did seem familiar to me when I first met her.” I was trying to rack my brain for even a sliver of a memory that involved Carmilla Karnstein, but my head just started to feel fuzzy. I leaned back against the headboard of the bed as I started to feel dizzy. Kirsch gave me a reassuring smile as he stood from the desk chair and made his way to the door.

“Everything will be okay, Little Nerd.” I smiled at the nickname.

“I hope so,” I mumbled back. He opened his mouth to respond, but quickly closed it. Instead he just nodded his head, and walked out, shutting the door behind him.

I stood up, and started making my way around my bedroom. There was a large closet that was mostly empty except for a white winter jacket and five pairs of pants that were hung up. Next to the closet door was a small dresser with four drawers. The top one was filled with underwear and socks. The second had some tank tops and shorts in it. I grabbed one of each to change into before going to sleep. The third drawer had some t-shirts in it, as well as a couple pairs of jeans. The bottom drawer was empty, though I wasn’t surprised. I changed into my pajamas, and crawled back into my bed. It was soft and warm, and I quickly found my eyes beginning to droop close. 

_I opened my eyes to find a mess of dark curls tickling my nose. A smile crept across my face as I snaked my arm around the person in front of me, pulling them closer. A small sigh escaped them as I pressed my lips to the soft, smooth skin of their shoulder and back of their neck. Fingers interlaced with mine, and my hand was being pulled up their body until I felt lips pressed against my palm._

_“Wake up, sleepy head,” I whispered into the thick curls. The grip on my hand tightened, as a groan vibrated my skin. I let out a soft chuckle, my lips still pressed against them._

_“Just five more minutes.” The request came out gruff, but the voice felt like music to my ears. I let my hand slip out of her grasp and I began running it down the curve of her naked body. I gently nipped at her shoulder and pressing delicate kisses to the nape of her neck as my hand came down to her thigh. “Laura,” she moaned into the yellow pillow underneath her head. “That’s not fair.”_

_My lips curved into a smile against her skin. “All’s fair in love and war, darling.” She huffed, and my hand stilled as she started to roll over toward me. I leaned down, pressing my lips to hers. They were so soft, and moved in perfect time with mine._

_“I love you, too,” she mumbled against them before completely pulling away._

_Suddenly, I was staring into the most beautiful dark brown eyes I had ever seen, but I was no longer in bed wrapped around a warm body. I was standing in a damp, dimly lit room next to President Vordenberg, staring through a piece of glass. There was a bloodied and bruised woman with long dark hair and pale skin sitting across from me. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was forming a word. My name. I could hear the crack as a baton connected with her face._

My eyes snapped open, and my chest was heaving. I could feel the cold sweat that covered my body, and my heart was beating wildly in my chest. I sat up, my hands gripping the sheets tightly as I tried to control my breathing. Once my heart rate had slowed, I swung my legs out and onto the floor. The cool air felt good against my burning skin. My knees were shaking slightly, as I stood. I steadied myself after a moment, and made my way to the door. 

The living area was dark except for a single light that was on in the kitchen. I opened the cabinets, searching for a cup. I grabbed one, filling it with water then drinking the entire contents, but my mouth still felt dry. I drank two more full glasses before putting the empty dish into the sink. When I turned to go back to bed, I saw something move in the darkness of the living room. I instantly tensed, but then remembered I had a roommate. I made my way over to the couch, and saw Carmilla curled up on it. 

She had what looked like a stuffed cat tightly clutched against her chest. I could just make out the delicate features of her face from the soft glow of light coming from my bedroom. Her brow was furrowed and her lips were pressed together in a hard, thin line. My hand was reaching out, wanting to smooth away the anger on her face like I had done it thousands of time before. I could feel her breath tickling my fingertips before I stopped myself, pulling my hand back to my side. I spun around quickly, knocking into the small table behind me before running back into my room and softly closing the door behind me. I jumped back into bed, pulling the sheets over my head. I closed my eyes, the feeling of her breath against my fingertips still lingering on my skin as I drifted back off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

I woke the next morning to the sound of muffled voices, and the smell of something cooking. I got out of bed and changed before making my way out of my bedroom. Carmilla and LaFontaine were sitting on the couch, talking in very hushed tones that completely ceased, as I approached the couch they were sitting on. I sat down in the over sized arm chair away from them as Perry walked into the room holding a large plate full of pancakes. She set it down on the small table in front of me with a fork, knife, bottle of syrup, and a large smile that was taking up her entire face. I thanked her as she walked away, balancing the plate in my lap as I began smothering my pancakes in syrup.

I cut into my pancakes, putting a forkful in my mouth. As I looked up, Carmilla and LaFontaine were both staring at me. Carmilla had one perfect eyebrow raised at me, and LaFontaine’s jaw looked nearly unhinged. I was looking back at them, sheepishly, as I finished chewing. I swallowed my mouthful before I spoke.

“What?” I asked, looking down at my plate, then back up at them. “I like syrup,” I said, a little unpleasantly.

“I like syrup, too, L.” LaFontaine said as they raised their hands in surrender. “But I prefer to have some pancakes with my syrup.” I narrowed my eyes at them, as Carmilla let out a soft chuckle. When I started glaring at her she just shook her head before standing up and walking over to the kitchen. My eyes followed her, and when she saw me staring she winked at me. I felt my cheeks blush, and a smirk spread across her lips.

“I guess I just really like sweet things,” I said to LaFontaine, shrugging. They just grinned back at me, before looking over at Perry in the kitchen.

“Yeah,” they said, eyes still trained on the other redhead. “I know what you mean.” The day before I hadn’t been sure if there was something between the two redheads, but from the look in LaFontaine’s eyes, I knew. I felt my heart clench in my chest, thinking of someone looking at me like that, but I could not recall a single memory in which someone had. 

I quickly returned to eating. When I finished, I took my plate into the kitchen to clean it, but Perry took it from me. I tried to argue with her, but she insisted. I went back and sat down in the over-sized chair, trying to ignore the awkward silence that was filling the apartment. As I was about to stand and walk into my room, Perry came and sat down in the other chair across from me. She had this motherly vibe about her that was both calming and unsettling at the same time.

“So Laura,” Perry started, a reassuring look on her face. “Are you excited to start your testing?”

“Perry!” LaFontaine shrieked. Perry’s eyes went wide.

“You two didn’t tell her?” Her voice was getting higher, as she looked between Carmilla and LaFontaine, who was shaking their head at her. 

“Tell me what?” The three of them both turned to look at me, as I store back at them. I raised my eyebrow, waiting for an explanation.

“Well,” LaFontaine started, clearing their throat. “For security reasons, um.” Their voice was shaky, like they weren’t sure how I was going to act. “We, um, have to run some tests.”

“What kind of tests?” I asked, curtly. 

“Just, you know,” their throat bobbed as they pulled the collar of their shirt away from their neck. “Just some psychological exams to make sure you’re not um, dangerous.” The last word was more of a grumble.

“Dangerous?” I could feel my cheeks getting slightly hot, and I knew my question came out far harsher. I was sitting on the edge of my seat while my fingernails were digging into the armrests. “How am _I_ dangerous?”

LaFontaine’s mouth was hanging open, and Perry was nervously tapping her fingers in her lap. Carmilla looked unfazed by everything that was going on, finding something on the wall to be far more interesting. My reaction was probably in no way helpful to reaffirm my psychological state, but I had never been one for invasive exams.

“To be fair,” Perry said after a moment. “You are a trained killer.” I threw my arms around my chest, falling back against the chair.

“So is she,” I gestured to Carmilla, “apparently.” My hand fell back into my lap, Carmilla’s focus still not leaving the wall.

“Which is why Carmilla went through the same testing when she arrived here,” Perry stated very matter-of-factly. 

“Fine,” I said, wrapping my arms back around myself. “When do we start?”

A grin broke across LaFontaine’s face. “Now,” was all they said. I nodded, standing up with the other three and following them out of the apartment.

The four of us headed toward the hospital that I had woken up in the day before. When we got to the elevator though, Carmilla was no longer with us. LaFontaine said that she had mentioned something to them earlier about heading to Command, and assured me that she would be joining us later. I wasn’t sure why, but her lack of presence was causing me severe anxiety. Aside from my walk with Kirsch yesterday, Carmilla had been by my side throughout this entire process. I took a deep breath to steady my heartbeat as the elevator descended.

When the doors opened, we were in what appeared to be a dimly lit basement. I followed LaFontaine as they navigated their way through the halls, stopping at a small closed door completely out of sight from the elevator. Light flooded out of the room when the door opened, and it felt far warmer than the rest of the basement. There was no natural light, only the fluorescents hanging from the ceiling. There were two chairs, one surrounded by equipment. LaFontaine motioned for me to sit down, as they started strapping me into an EEG machine and heart monitor.

The questions started off well enough. My name, age, favorite color; Colonel Laura Hollis, 26, yellow. LaFontaine asked me about my marital status and I felt this pull in my heart, but my mind went completely blank. They had a strange look on their face as they looked at the computer screen in front of them. I shook my head to clear away the fuzziness that had settled in my brain, and they continued their questioning. We discussed my childhood, my mother’s death, and my reasons for joining the Army of the Republic. My head went fuzzy again when LaFontaine asked about my father.

“My father?” I asked, trying to concentrate. “He’s dead.” It came out as more of a question, lacking certainty. I remembered my father and his presence in my life, but when I tried to remember how he died or his funeral my mind went blank and my head began to hurt. My eyes went blurry, and I could feel myself falling. 

_I was standing on the precipice of a cliff, over looking the ocean. The sun was setting over the horizon, and the sky was bright pink and orange. The air was salty, and the sound of the waves lapping against the stone was lulling me to sleep. Arms were wrapping themselves around my waist, and my hands were coming down to rest over them. There was a warm body pressed against my back, and a chin resting on my shoulder. I leaned my head to the side and a mess of dark curls cushioned it. I could feel soft lips pressed against the bare skin of my shoulder as I spoke._

_“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I felt the lips vibrate as the person behind me let out a soft hum in agreement. “I wish that I could watch the sun set with you every night.”_

_The lips were moving up my neck, until they were pressed to the shell of my ear. “You do watch the sun set with me every night.” The voice was so sultry, and her breath against my skin made my knees weak._

_“I mean here,” I said, smiling._

_“What if we could?” She asked, resting her chin back on my shoulder._

_“We can’t,” I said, my smile falling. “Vordenberg would never let me retire this early.”_

_“What if he wasn’t in power anymore?” Her voice was firm, and I knew that tone. She had an idea, one that we never discussed around overhearing ears._

_“Baby, please,” I whispered back softly. “Not here, not now.” Her arms tightened around my waist, pulling me tighter._

_“You’re right,” she said as she pressed her lips against my cheek. “But,” she started, “one day?” Her voice was hopeful, and the idea filled me with so much joy._

_“One day,” I whispered back. I didn’t have to look at her to know she was smiling._

_“I love you, Laura Hollis.” The smile spread back across my face as I laced my fingers with hers._

_“I love you, too…”_

I woke with a name on my lips, but my tongue wouldn’t move to form it. When I opened my eyes, there were two dark brown ones staring back at me full of worry. My head was cushioned on something, which was good, because the room was spinning. I could feel a hand on my shoulder, and another cupping the side of my head. Slowly, the person above me began to pull away. Carmilla’s face came into view first, though my vision was still slightly blurry. I could feel her hand moving through my hair, and it almost put me to sleep.

“What happened,” I managed to mumble as I brought my hands up to my head. 

“I’d like to know the same thing,” Carmilla responded, her eyes finally leaving mine. I followed their gaze over to where LaFontaine was sitting on their chair looking at the computer in front of them. Their brow was knitted in concentration, reading whatever was printing out next to them. “LaF,” Carmilla said loudly.

“I don’t know,” they snapped back at her as they riffled through the papers in front of them. I turned my head, which I now realized was resting in Carmilla’s lap. The light formed a soft halo above her head, the made her dark curls shine against her pale skin. She seemed like someone from a dream, or maybe, a nightmare. "None of this makes any sense.” I could hear LaFontaine’s voice, but it was getting further and further away. I could see Carmilla’s eyes following LaFontaine wherever they walked. Her jaw was tense, and I could see that she was trying not to get frustrated.

“Carm,” I whispered, the nickname slipping out of my mouth before I even had a chance to think about it. Her head immediately snapped down, her eyes looking directly into mine. They were searching for something, though I didn’t know what.

“Yeah, Cupcake?” Her eyes stilled, but looked full of worry.

“Can you help me sit up?” A small smile crept across her face, and her eyes softened.

“Sure, cutie,” she replied kindly. “Just go slow, okay?” I nodded, and she began lifting me upright. I braced myself against her, basically collapsing back into her, but her arms were strong and kept me sturdy. Her hands were on my face, and she was checking my eyes, probably for signs of a concussion, though it didn’t feel like I hit my head. She smiled as I brought my hand up to cup it. “I caught you before your head hit the ground, don’t worry.” I felt my cheeks flush, and quickly averted my eyes.

“Thank you,” I mumbled back at her.

“Don’t mention it,” she whispered back, softly. 

The smile was still on my face five minutes later when LaFontaine came back into the room. They were looking back and forth between the two of us, a sly grin spreading across their face. I wasn’t sure if their expression was because they had figured out what had happened, or because I was effectively wrapped up in Carmilla’s arms, but there was no way I could sit up without her support. Carmilla cleared her throat, bringing LaFontaine out of their head.

“Right,” they said, sitting back down in their chair. “I have a theory,” they started, “but I need to run more tests to make sure.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but shut it again when Carmilla asked the question for me. “What kind of tests?” Her voice was commanding, and even I felt myself allowing her to take the lead.

“Well, for starters, I want to do a MRI.” Carmilla raised her eyebrow at LaFontaine, waiting for them to continue. “What happened to Laura was not just a dizzy spell. I think that something might be wrong with her neuron pathways, but I can’t know without a scan of her brain.” Carmilla was nodding as LaFontaine spoke. She looked concerned, but I trusted her.

“Will it hurt?” I asked, more to Carmilla than LaFontaine. She looked down at me, shaking her head.

“Not at all, Creampuff,” and I believed her, “but if you want, I can stay with you the whole time.” Her eyes were dark, and she looked like she hadn’t slept in days. Maybe she hadn’t. I nodded, resting my forehead against her shoulder. “Does it have to be today?” Carmilla asked LaFontaine, and I was so grateful she did, because I was in no mental state for more tests.

“No,” LaFontaine responded. “But I will be out on assignment for the next two weeks, so it will have to wait until I return.” Carmilla nudged me slightly with her shoulder, and I lifted my head to look at her.

“Is that okay, cutie?” Her voice was soft, like she was talking to a wounded animal, and maybe I was. I just nodded, she smiled at me and my chest filled with a kind of warmth that I had never felt before. “Alright than Cupcake, let’s get you to bed.” 

Perry had come into the room with a wheelchair. I went to stand up, but Carmilla stopped me. Instead, she stood up, then bent down putting one arm behind my back and the other under my knees. I wrapped my arms around her neck, and she lifted me up, setting me down gently in the wheelchair. I shivered when she let go of me, missing the warmth from her body pressed against mine. She slid off her jacket, and wrapped it around my shoulders, smiling.

“Thank you,” I mumbled as she moved around to the back of the wheelchair.

She leaned down behind me. “Anytime, cutie,” she whispered into my ear. I smiled, wrapping her leather jacket tighter around me. “I’ve got it from here, Red.” I picked my feet up as Carmilla began pushing the wheelchair toward the door that Perry was holding open. “See you in two weeks, doc,” Carmilla called over her shoulder as we started down the dimly lit hallway back to the elevators. 

When we got to the front doors of the hospital, I moved to get up out of the wheelchair, but Carmilla’s hand moved to my shoulder. I looked up at her, but her face was impassive. I leaned back into the chair and she continued to push me through the streets and back to the apartment complex. Carmilla wouldn’t let me stand from the chair until we were back in our apartment. She tried to wheel me into my bedroom, but I protested. After what felt like an hour-long argument, she conceded, throwing her hands in the air as she did. 

I smiled triumphantly, but quickly regretted the decision to not lay in bed when I stood from the chair. I misjudged how dizzy I still was, collapsing on the couch as soon as I had stood. I quickly attempted to play it off as mere clumsiness, though I had a feeling Carmilla didn’t completely believe me because of the smirk that was plastered on her face. I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest and leaned my head against the back of the couch. I closed my eyes, trying to stop the pounding in my head.

After another couple of minutes, I felt the seat next to me sag, and heard a glass clink on the coffee table. I opened my eyes to see Carmilla leaning back against the couch. She was sitting on her right leg, and her body was turned toward me. She was holding a mug, with a creamy dark brown liquid in it, out toward me. I wrapped my hands around the mug, feeling the heat seep into my fingers. I brought the mug to my nose and inhaled, the sweet chocolate scent filled the air and I could feel my body relax and its familiarity. Though, I wondered how the woman next to me knew that hot chocolate was my preferred beverage. My curiosity must have shown, because Carmilla was frowning at me.

“What’s wrong, Cupcake?” She asked. Her eyes were focused on the cup in my hands, as I moved to set it down next to hers on the table.

“How did you know?” I asked her softly.

“Know what?” Her brow was furrowed, and her head was cocked slightly to the side. I gestured to the two mugs on the coffee table, and her eyes flashed with what looked like panic but they quickly steeled before she spoke. “This morning,” she started in a soft mumble. “You told LaF that you like sweet things. I just sort of assumed, I guess.” She shrugged, before reaching down for her own hot chocolate.

“Oh,” I said, feeling my cheeks flush. There was something about Carmilla, something I just couldn't place. It wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling, quite the opposite. She felt almost proverbial, and it made me so nervous and slightly apprehensive. Although, part of that may have been because of how stunningly beautiful she was. I have sort of always been awkward, but confident women like Carmilla always managed to make me want to shy into myself.

“Laura?” I looked up from mug that I must have been staring at. “Are you okay?” Carmilla’s hand was on my knee. I hadn’t even felt her put it there, but the warmth from it was starting to make my stomach flutter. Her eyes were moving back and forth, searching mine. I smiled, weakly.

“I’m fine,” I managed. “Just thinking.” Carmilla moved to set down the mug that was in her hand, then leaned back into the couch, cocking her head to the side as she looked at me.

“Can I ask you something, Creampuff?” I felt my heart skip a beat as she placed her hand back on my knee, rubbing slow circles with her thumb against the inside of my thigh. I swallowed hard, and nodded. “What happened earlier, when you fainted?” 

I opened my mouth, ready to tell her, but my mind went blank. I bit my lip, trying to concentrate on what I could remember. I was in the room, sitting across from LaFontaine. They were asking me questions, most of which didn’t mean anything, just background. “I,” I started. “I don’t remember.” Carmilla’s eyebrow cocked up, but she kept quiet and waited for me to finish. “I remember LaFontaine asking me something about my father,” I felt my brow furrow, as I looked down to my hands in my lap. “Then everything is just blank, until I woke up. Then there was just you.” I barely whispered the last part, but my cheeks flushed as Carmilla’s thumb stilled. 

“Does that happen often?” I tried to think of a time where I had fainted before, but nothing came to mind.

“I don’t think I’ve ever fainted before,” I said, honestly. “Sometimes when I wake up from a nightmare, I try to remember what it was about, but my head will get all fuzzy and start to throb.”

“Like last night?” I looked up, her eyes were narrowed at me, and I just bit my lip and nodded. “I could hear you screaming, I was going to come check on you but then I heard your door open so I just pretended to be asleep.”

“Why?” The word came out of my lips before I had time to stop it. She just shrugged.

“I was afraid I would scare you.” Her eyes were looking down at her hand on my thigh, as if she were just realizing it was there as well. It started to slide away, but stopped when my hand came up to cover it. Her eyes were brimming with tears, but she quickly turned her head, wiping them with her free hand. 

There was something about seeing this woman cry that caused my heart to clench in my chest. She had saved my life, taken a bullet for me, but she was so fragile. I felt this need to fix everything bubble inside of me. I reached my hand up, cupping her face and swiping my thumb along her cheek. She leaned into my touch and the tears started to spill down her face. The pain in my chest began to swell, and I felt myself becoming very protective of this woman I barely knew. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her toward me. Her head fell against my chest, and I began rubbing small circles on her back as she cried.

Even after she had stopped sobbing, I continued to hold her against me, rubbing up and down her back. I felt her breathing slowly begin to even out against my skin, and after awhile I knew she had fallen asleep. I assumed she hadn’t slept much the night before due to my nightmares, so I didn’t dare move her. Her arms were snaked around my waist, and the warmth from her body felt so welcoming. My eyelids were growing heavy, and I slowly began to fall asleep.

_“She loves you so much,” he said looking down at me fondly. There was an almost twinkle in his brown eyes that made my heart melt._

_“I know,” I said, smiling as I looked over to the woman he had referred to. Her long brown curls were cascading down her back as she danced around the kitchen, the spatula in her hand occasionally being used as a microphone. I loved her. I couldn’t explain it, but the feeling that swelled in my chest as I watched her spread through my body like a fire, and I knew._

_“But I’ll always love you the most,” he said as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the crown of my head._

_“I know, dad,” I mumbled back against his chest. “I love you, too.”_

_“Alright Hollis family, who wants pancakes?” The woman called from the kitchen. She walked over, placing the plates in front of my father and I, leaning down and placing her lips against mine as she did. She murmured an “I love you” against them before sauntering back into the kitchen. The pancakes were smothered in syrup and cut in the shape of hearts._

_Suddenly something was connecting with my jaw, and there was something warm and sticky running down my face. When I tried to open my eyes I could barely see out of them. There were voices, a man and a woman, yelling at me. Asking me what I remembered. But all I saw were chocolate brown eyes staring at me. They were full of love, but I didn’t feel anything but pain._

_“We know you remember her, Colonel. We hear you call her name in your sleep.” My eyes were trying to focus on the speaker it was the man. He was standing in front of me, his face mere inches from mine. “Where is she?”_

_“I don’t know who you’re talking about.” I watched as anger flashed in his dark eyes, and felt his fist sink into my stomach. My hands where bound behind my back, pulling them tightly to the chair as I leaned forward from the impact._

_“Stop lying to me!” Another punch. My muscles were aching and there was a buzzing in my ears that I couldn’t shake. My head fell forward after another hit to the chin, blood and spit spilling out of my mouth and onto my torn pants. “You deal with her, Mel.”_

_There were fingers threading themselves through my hair, pulling my head back. My eyes could just make out her tight black curls and sinister smile, but I could hear the electricity buzzing from the taser in her hand. The blue sparks were dancing in front of my face, slowly being lowered toward my exposed flesh._

Something surged through my body, forcing me awake. I was surrounded in complete darkness and my eyes were struggling to adjust. There was something tight around me holding me in place, and I could feel tear tracks down my cheeks. I was fighting against my bindings, until I heard the soft, velvety voice that was trying to calm me.

“Laura, it’s just me.” Her arms tightened around me as I began to lash against her. “It’s okay, it’s just me.” I stopped moving and Carmilla’s grip around me loosened. She was rocking me back and forth, whispering in my ear. “You’re okay. You’re safe.” My body began to sag against her at those words. I was safe. She was safe.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered back after I had managed to get my breathing back under control. My head was resting on her shoulder, my nose brushing the skin at the crook of her neck. She smelt like cinnamon and it made my head spin, but I didn’t want to move. 

“It’s okay, cutie,” she mumbled back against my hair. For a moment I thought that I could feel her lips against my head, but I didn’t trust my senses right now, because all of them were telling me that this felt familiar. That it all felt right. But how could it? Carmilla’s hand came up to stroke my hair, and I felt my eyes fluttering shut. “Why don’t we get you to bed, Cupcake?” 

I nodded against her, but made no move to get up. Carmilla just sighed, lifting up slowly and swinging her legs out from underneath me. She wrapped her arms back around me, picking me up, then carried me to my room. I kept my head against her shoulder, and wrapped my arms around her neck. She set me down on my bed, gently, but I did not take my arms down from around her neck. She drag her hands up my arms, wrapping her fingers around my wrists and tugged on them. My body felt like it wasn’t in control of itself, but responded to her tender touch. She knelt down next to me, and began helping me get my clothes off. Once I was in my pajamas, she pulled back the blankets and I shimmied my way down into my bed. She covered me, nearly cocooning me in them. She stood up, and made her way toward the door. Her hand was on the handle when I felt the word I had been thinking escape from my lips.

“Stay,” was all I said. Her head dropped, but she didn’t turn to face me.

“I don’t think that that is a good idea.” The words were certain, but her voice was not. She turned the handle, opening the door.

“Carm,” she stopped. “Please?” I was nearly begging her. I didn’t know why, but I needed her. I needed her arms around me. I needed to feel her warmth, her security. I needed her to know. I heard a sniffle, and her hand came up to her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I can’t.” With that, the door was closing behind her. I listened to her footsteps as they retreated down the hallway, and watched as the light that had been flooding from under my door disappeared. 

When I heard her door shut, I curled up into myself, hugging my knees to my chest. I felt cold and empty, but I didn’t understand why. I shut my eyes, trying to block out my thoughts and allow myself to fall asleep. Eventually, my mind went blank as my body was enveloped in warmth.


	6. Chapter 6

It almost felt like a dream. There were strong arms around me, pulling me flush to the body pressed against my back. I could feel the gentle breath that was moving my hair and tickling my neck. Fingers were laced in mine, and I was clinging our joined hands to my chest. It felt so natural, so normal, so right. The smell of cinnamon filled the air around me, and I could see the daylight streaming into the room from behind my closed eyelids. It was a dream, because this couldn’t be real.

I opened my eyes, blinking them until they adjusted to the brightness of the room. My eyes moved down to the hand I was clutching tight to my chest. There were slender fingers curled around mine, squeezing back. Smooth skin was touching mine where my pajama pant legs had ridden up, and I could feel the soft blow of breath on the nape of my neck. I untangled my body, rolling over slowly so I did not disturb the sleeping woman behind me. Though I knew it could only be one person, my breath still caught in my chest at the sight of her.

She was so beautiful, almost angelic as she slept. The morning light made her pale skin almost glow and her dark curls formed a halo around her head. But she was not peaceful. Her brow was knitted, and her muscles looked rigid. My hand reached up, and I hesitated a moment before my fingers began to dance across her skin. I traced over the wrinkle in her forehead, smoothing it with my thumb. The tightness in her lips soothed, as well, and I found myself unable to keep my fingers from brushing across them. I wanted my touch to commit her features to memory, but I felt her eyes flutter open. My fingers stilled, but my hand did not leave the side of her face as her eyes focused on me.

“Good morning, cutie,” Carmilla mumbled. I could feel her cheeks lift up from her smile.

“I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” My hand began to slide down her face, but she caught my wrist and held it in place.

“It wasn’t such an unpleasant way to wake up,” Carmilla responded. Her hand slid up my wrist, and she intertwined her fingers into mine as she brought our joined hands down to rest in between us.

“You came back,” I said, my eyes falling down to her soft lips.

“Your tossing and turning was keeping me up,” she said nonchalantly. “I thought maybe if you were stationary, it would benefit both of us.” I could just see the small quirk of her mouth that was sunken into the pillow. “Apparently, I was right.” I rolled my eyes at her, only causing her smirk to widen. She let her hand slide out of mine, and rolled out of bed. “Get dressed, Sundance,” Carmilla said making her way toward the door, “and I’ll make you breakfast.”

She closed the door behind her, leaving me alone to bask in the warmth of the bed where she had been lying. I rolled over, pulling her pillow into my arms and inhaled deeply. A goofy smile was plastered onto my face, and I didn’t really care. She had come back. She had come back and kept me grounded, and I feel like that meant something. Something big. Though I didn’t quite know what, yet, but I was going to find out. Hopefully it was good.

I quickly changed out of my pajamas, and made my way into the kitchen. Carmilla was standing in front of the stove, a spatula in her hand, and she was humming to herself as she scrambled eggs in a frying pan. I leaned against the counter and watched her. Her hips were swaying to the beat of the song, and every now and then I would catch her singing. She was beautiful. The way she moved, the sound of her voice, the way her face looked in concentration as she cooked. My hands itched to touch her, but they stayed glued to my sides, twitching ever so slightly. I needed to give them something to do, so I began to rummage around the cabinets. I took out plates for us both, as well as two glasses that I filled with orange juice. There was no dining room or table, but there were stools along the side of the counter. I set everything up for the two of us while Carmilla finished cooking. She scooted some eggs on to both plates and a side of bacon onto hers, then came and sat down next to me. 

We ate in silence, but it was comfortable. When we finished, I cleaned the dishes while Carmilla showered. I showered after her, while she was getting dressed. There was a soft knock at the bathroom door as I shut the water off. I quickly wrapped a towel around myself, opening the door to find Carmilla standing in front of me. She was holding up a first aid kit, a small grin on her face. I stepped back to let her in, and made my way back over to the sink. I brushed my hair and pulled it back into a ponytail before Carmilla began putting ointment on my shoulders and back. She was wrapping my upper body in bandages when she spoke.

“I have to go to a meeting for a few hours, Cupcake. Think you’ll be okay here by yourself?” I nodded. There wasn’t much to do in the apartment. I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do, but I knew whatever it was wouldn’t be something that would get me in any type of trouble. “Okay.” She finished bandaging me up, then left so that I could get dressed. When I left the bathroom, Carmilla was nowhere in sight.

“Carm?” I called out, but no one answered. The light to her room was off, but the door was slightly ajar. I walked toward it, pushing it open slightly and stuck my head in. “Carm?” I asked again, but still no answer. The room was empty, of people anyways. 

Her room was simple, white walls, black sheets, but it was far from empty. There were shelves upon shelves filled with books on every wall of the room except for the one her bed was pressed against. I hesitated for a moment, not sure if it was okay for me to be in her room. I pushed the door open a little bit more and stepped in. Her curtains were drawn closed, so I turned on the light switch that was next to the door. I made my way around the room, slowly, reading the title of every book. The majority of them I had never heard of before, but when I made it to the second wall I noticed that these books were all ones that had been banned by Vordenberg and the government of the Republic. 

My heart began to race at the thought of being able to read one of these books. It felt so rebellious, even though I knew that just being in the strong hold was probably far worse than reading a book. I began tracing my fingers down their spines, trying to decide which one to take with me. I needed to read what was written in these pages, to understand why they were supposed to be burned. I had never much cared for philosophy, so I found myself being pulled toward the books Carmilla had on the far wall. There was one book in particular that was exceptionally worn. I reached up, sliding it off of its shelf. Fahrenheit 451. There was a man being engulfed in flames on the front cover. I opened the book and began to read, stumbling over to Carmilla’s bed and falling onto it.

I became engrossed in the story almost instantly, completely losing track of time. I found myself comparing this storybook dystopian society to the one I had served for so long. So much of it was the same. I was a mindless drone like Guy Montag had been, but my eyes had been opened to the other side of the world. At least, I think that they had been. Or maybe now they would be. I continued reading, hoping to find a solution in the words. I didn’t hear Carmilla come home, or her call out my name. Not until she was sitting down next to me on her bed, and pushing the book down in my hands.

My eyes flickered up to her face. Her brow was knitted, and her eyes were darker than usual. My mouth was open, and I was staring at her in wonder. I wanted to ask so many questions, to know how it ended. I needed to know things got better. She folded over the corner of the page I was on before closing the book and setting it on her night stand. When she looked up at me, she was smiling. 

“Have you been in here all day, Cupcake?” I didn’t know what to say. I began chewing on the inside of my cheek nervously. I nodded, my head dropping slightly, as my eyes moved to look at my hands in my lap instead of the upset look I thought would be on her face. I felt her weight shift on the bed, and her hands came up to cover mine. “Laura,” the tenderness in her voice made me look up. Her eyes were soft, and the gentle smile was still on her lips. “You don’t have to feel bad for being in here, I’m not upset.”

“You’re not?” She laughed, shaking her head.

“No, I’m not. I can’t fault you for being curious, Creampuff.” I could feel the blush creeping up my neck to my cheeks. I looked away, pulling my hands out from underneath hers as I started to slide off of her bed. I was standing by the door when Carmilla spoke again. “Here,” she said as she stood from the bed. She grabbed the book she had taken out of my hands off of her nightstand. “I think you’ll enjoy the ending.” Her lips were curved up into a smile as she handed it to me. 

“Thank you.” My fingers wrapped around her hand and the spine of the book and I nearly dropped it when she let go. 

“And Laura,” I looked up at her, the smile still on her face. “You’re welcome to any of the books in here, if you’d like to read them.” I bit my lip and nodded, turning away from her to hide the joy that had flooded through me. I walked out of her room, calling a brief good night over my shoulder, and hearing a low laugh in return.

I got myself ready for bed, but instead of crawling under the covers and going to sleep, I sat up reading. It didn’t take me very long to finish the book I had started that afternoon. I was chased out of my home, but I was found. I haven’t found my purpose in this group of rebels like Montag found with the Book People, but I’m sure that my fate will be much the same. I closed the book, setting it down on the desk that wasn’t far from my bed. I crawled down under the covers, turning off my light before I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

_“She knows where that treacherous bitch is, I know it!” My eyes were too blurry to see him, but I knew he was talking about me._

_“Theo, I don’t think she does.” Her voice was quieter, but there was nothing soft about it. I blinked a few more times to get myself to focus on the two people that were in the room with me. I recognized them both, Captain Mel Callis and Major Theo Straka, Vordenberg’s main enforcers. I can’t think of a time where I didn’t see them with blood on their uniforms._

_“We know her memories are coming back. You told me yourself you’ve heard her muttering in her sleep.” I could barely keep my head up it was throbbing so hard. My wrists were fettered behind my back, but I was straining against the binds to get closer to them. I didn’t understand what they were talking about, but I needed to._

_“That doesn’t mean that they’ve had contact, Straka. It’s just babble, she has no idea what any of it means. The doctors said the memories are stuck in her subconscious, even if she saw her, she’d have no idea who she was to her.”_

_I could hear footsteps coming closer to me until they stopped right in front of me. He was crouched down, so that we were eye to eye. He had a sadistic smile plastered on his face, but his eyes were dark with rage._

_“Is that true, Colonel? Do you only remember her when you’re asleep?” His elbows were on his knees, and his head was resting on his clasped hands. I wasn’t sure why, but I felt a laugh bubbling up inside of me._

_“I don’t know who you’re looking for Straka, but if it’s the woman of my dreams you’re looking for, you’re going to have to get in line.” My lips were cracked and bleeding, and I could feel the sting of my smile, but I no longer cared. The grin on Theo’s face fell, and I watched as the anger boiled inside of him. He stood up, and my head rose to follow him, my eyes never leaving his._

_“You know Colonel, I don’t really think you’re in any position to be making jokes, do you?” He asked, looking down at me with a hint of red in his cheeks and on his ears. The smile never left my lips as I watched his fist come down against my jaw._

“Laura!” I woke to Carmilla shaking my shoulders. I jumped at first, as my body reacted to her touch. My hands came up to grab hers, but she was already moving out of my reach. Slowly, I began to realize she was not a threat, and I was safe. I sat up, trying to catch my breath. Carmilla was sitting at the foot of my bed, her hands on her lap, but her face full of worry. “Are you alright?”

I nodded. My throat was too dry to speak. Carmilla nodded to my nightstand, there was a glass of water sitting on it. I drank it quickly, setting the glass down and returning my gaze to her when I was finished. “What happened?”

“I was coming to check on you, but I could hear you tossing and turning. I wasn’t going to wake you but you started screaming.” I felt my cheeks go red. Of course I was screaming. When wasn’t I doing something embarrassing in my sleep these days?

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled to her. 

“You don’t have to apologize for that, Laura. Ever.” Her voice was soft, but stern. This wasn’t a suggestion or some way to make me feel better. No, she meant it. I watched her as she stood up and grabbed the glass off of my nightstand, making her way to the door. She turned around, leaning against the door jam. I didn’t say a word, but my eyes were pleading for her to stay. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it before a word came out. She bit her lip and rested her head against the doorframe. “Get under those covers, cutie, or you’ll get cold.” She pushed herself off the wall, and walked out of the room. 

I felt the hope that had been building drop in my chest. I scooted down in bed, pulling the covers over myself. I was reaching up to turn the light off when I realized Carmilla hadn’t closed my door. I stood up and walked over to the door, but as I started to close it, there was a hand wrapping around the side of it.

“Locking me out, Cupcake?” Carmilla was standing there with her eyebrow raised at me. I shook my head, and stepped away from the door. “Good,” she responded with a small smirk. 

She had another glass of water in her hand that she set back down on my nightstand as I crawled back into my bed. Carmilla closed the door behind her, then turned off the lamp before making her way around to the other side of the bed. I pulled the blankets back for her, and she slid in next to me. I turned over on my side, facing the door, and quickly felt her arm wrap around my waist as her other one snaked itself under my pillow. I clutched the blankets in front of me to my chest as she pulled herself flush against me. I closed my eyes, as her warmth surrounded me, and drifted back to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

It became almost a routine for us over the next couple of weeks. We would wake up in the morning, and one of us would make breakfast. We would eat together then clean up together. Carmilla would get ready to go to some meeting or training session, and I would sit in her room and read. At first I was bringing the books into my room or the living room, but I felt more comfortable in her bed when she was gone. She always found me with a different book in my hands when she would return, and usually never in the same place she had left me. 

I would normally be too engrossed in it to eat anything, so she would either bring something back with her from the mess hall, or she would cook us something when she got home. We would eat dinner together, then clean. Carmilla would sit in the living room with me after we finished eating and read as well. When I finished whatever book I had taken that day, we would discuss it. More than not, I was able to draw some type of comparison to the protagonist and myself, or on the rare occasion, Carmilla. It was comforting having someone to share these stories with, especially because they seemed to be my only connection to this rebellion, other than Carmilla of course. Kirsch had gone on whatever mission that LaFontaine had gone on, along with Danny, though I hadn’t actually seen her after I stabbed her. Perry stopped by on occasion when Carmilla was working, but she only stayed briefly to drop off this or that. 

Carmilla had become my only connection to another living person. Not that I was complaining, really, it was just that other than books, we didn’t really discuss much. Though she always found her way into my bed at night, which I was more grateful for than she would probably ever know. The first week, she waited until I would wake up screaming before she would curl up around me, but by the second week, she was just coming to bed with me. It made it easier I guess, for her anyways. She didn’t have to wait for me to wake her up, or stay up until the nightmares started. Though, they seemed to stay at bay when she was with me. Everything was fine, until the morning of my next appointment with LaFontaine.

I woke with my head on Carmilla’s chest. The gentle rise and fall, lifting it slightly. There was a smile on my lips, like every other morning I woke up next to her well rested. My fingers began to trace patterns along her exposed skin. Dancing along her collarbone and neck, up to her jaw. Her face twitched at my touch, but the farther up my fingers moved the softer her expression became. She began to shift, and I moved so she could roll onto her side. I scooted up the bed, laying my head next to hers on the pillow. 

My hands had committed her features to memory, stroking over them almost every morning. Sometimes, when I closed my eyes at night I would see her, and I wasn’t sure if it was a dream or if I was still awake and just seeing her behind my eyelids. As my fingers came to trace her lips, I felt pressure pushing against them. I pulled them away, but her lips were already twisting into a small grin.

“Do you think one of these mornings you could let me sleep in, cutie?” Her voice was rough and still full of sleep, but it still sent a shiver down my spine.

“Sorry,” I whispered to her. My fingers were itching to move back against her skin, but I clutched onto the pillow instead. She opened one eye and looked at me. I bit my lip to keep from smiling, and tried to appear to be the slightest bit apologetic.

Her hand slid off of my waist, and up to grab the one that I had wrapped in the pillow beneath our heads. She tugged on it gently, and I released the pillow, letting her fingers slip into mine. She began to gently stroke the back of my hand with her nose. I scrunched my nose up, and stuck my tongue out at her. She started laughing. It was the most beautiful sound I think I had ever heard. It was infectious, and I couldn’t help but follow suit. We were so close, barely inches apart. I could see Carmilla’s eyes darting back and forth between my lips and mine, and I was doing the same to her. We were getting closer, slowly closer. My eyes fluttered shut, waiting for her to close the distance between us, but her hand slid out of mine and the bed shifted beside me before I could open my eyes.

She was sitting up, her back leaning against the headboard. Her head was thrown back and her eyes were closed, but I could tell she was trying to hold back tears. The fingers of her right hand were twirling a silver ring that I had never noticed before. I could see enough of it between her fingers to know that it was a wedding band. It suddenly all made sense to me.

“You’re married?” I asked, venom dripping from my words. 

“Laura,” she drew out my name, as if it were supposed to be an explanation.

“Get out.” She looked at me, her eyes brimming with tears.

“Please let me explain.” I stood up, making my way to the door.

“Get out, Carmilla.” I was trying my hardest to keep my voice steady, but the anger was bubbling up inside of me. I opened the door, stepping back and folding my arms across my chest. She stood from the bed, slowly making her way out of the room. She turned her head as she crossed the threshold, and the look in her eyes made me want to wrap my arms around her and apologize. Instead, I slammed the door behind her, and collapsed onto my bed, as my body began to tremble with sobs.

I didn’t move from my bed, just laid there, staring out of the small window as the sun shown through. I could hear Carmilla moving around the apartment all morning. She stopped in front of my door for a moment, but never came in. After she moved away, I heard the front door open. There were muffled voices, but I couldn’t hear who it was. After another moment there was a soft knock on my door. I didn’t respond, but the door opened slowly, anyways. 

“Laura?” Perry’s voice came quietly from the doorway. I curled up into myself to show her I was awake, but didn’t respond. She walked over to the other side of the room, kneeling down in front of me. Her hand came up to push the hair out of my face. She was smiling, but it was out of sympathy. “I came to get you for your appointment with LaFontaine. Think you’re feeling up to it?”

There were so many things I wanted to ask Perry, but I guess it wasn’t the right time. Instead I just nodded and began to sit up. Perry smiled at me more genuinely, before standing up and walking to the door.

“Alright. I’ll be out in the living room waiting for you while you get ready.” I nodded again, and she left. I grabbed some clean clothes and headed into the bathroom to shower.

Most of the cuts and burns had healed over the last couple weeks, replaced by jagged pink scars. It made showering quicker, but they would never completely fade, which means that the memories attached to them wouldn’t either. I could still feel every hit and shock. I remembered the torture. I remembered Theo and Mel, their voices, their anger. But I still didn’t understand any of it.

I came out of the bathroom, cautiously. I hadn’t heard Perry talking to anyone, but Carmilla was not someone I particularly wanted to see at the moment. When I made my way to the living room, Perry was sitting on the couch, alone. She had a book in her hand, but she looked up at me smiling when I walked into the room. I smiled back, though it was half-hearted at best. She handed me my jacket and we made our way to the door.

I had done hardly any exploring of The Compound since I had been here, but I was able to make my way to the hospital. I followed Perry through the halls as we made our way back down to the basement. We went farther back then last time, but ended up in a large room with a very big machine in the center of it. Perry had me sit on the small platform that looked like it moved into the large circular area of the machine. There was a long wall covered with glass, though I couldn’t see behind it, and a small door next to it. The door was open, and I could hear ruffling behind it. After a couple moments, LaFontaine came out from behind it.

“Hey Laura,” they said, brightly. A beaming smile was taking up their entire face.

“Hey LaF,” I responded somberly. Their smile fell to more of a frown, then turned into the same sympathetic look Perry had given me earlier. 

“Ready to get started?” They asked, trying to be only slightly cheery, though I had a feeling that they were far more excited than they were letting on. There was a certain glint in their eye giving them away. I couldn’t blame them, though. I suppose if I had some undying love for science than I would be excited to see how my brain malfunctions, too. 

I just nodded. They told me to lie down on the table when I was ready, then started explaining to me how everything would work. LaFontaine was going to sit in the room behind the windows and ask me a series of questions like they had two weeks prior. As I answered them, they would take scans of my brain to try and figure out what was happening with my memory. 

“I do have a couple quick questions for you before we start though,” they said as they shined a small light into my eyes.

“Shoot.”

“Have you fainted at all in the last couple of weeks?” They had a small metal clipboard on their lap, and a pen in their hand, scribbling quickly.

“No,” I replied softly.

“Last time, Carmilla told me she heard you screaming at night-“ they paused, taking in a breath as they looked up at me. “Have you been having problems with nightmares?”

I bit my lip, unsure of how to answer. I hadn’t actually had a nightmare since the second night Carmilla found her way into my bed, but I wasn’t sure if that was something I should tell LaFontaine. 

“I was. I haven’t had any since the night after I last saw you, though.” I decided it wasn’t really necessary to elaborate as to why.

“Do you ever remember what they’re about?” LaFontaine’s attention was back to their clipboard, their hand stilled for the moment.

“Sometimes.” My brow was furrowed in concentration as I began to explain to them what I could remember. “Before Carmilla found me in the woods, I was being held for questioning on treason against the state. I was kept in a cell for two weeks, then taken to a small room to be interrogated. The Republic’s version of interrogation isn’t the most humane as you could probably assume,” I said gesturing to the scars on my arms. They just looked up, nodding, and waiting for me to continue. “That’s mainly what they are.”

“Do you remember any other ones?” My head started to get fuzzy, and my grip on the table beneath me tightened as I tried to think of anything else.

“No.” LaFontaine wrote a couple more notes down on the chart in front of them. “Sometimes,” I started. They looked up with soft eyes, but I was staring at my knees. “Sometimes my head gets fuzzy. It happened that day you asked about my dad. It’s like my mind just goes blank, but then my head will start to hurt or I’ll get a little dizzy. It normally passes, as quickly as it comes about, and I’ve never really thought much about it before.” It was true. I sort of always assumed I just had mild vertigo. I don’t remember when the dizzy spells started, but I thought it might be important for LaFontaine to know.

LaFontaine stood up, patting my knee, then walked into the room they had emerged from before. I laid down on the table, as the machine turned on. It was a little loud, but once the table moved, and my head was inside of the machine it quieted some. LaFontaine’s voice came through the machine, asking me if I was situated. Once I was all set and they explained that they needed me to stay as still as I could we started.

The questions started off as they had before. My name, age, favorite color. They were all baseline questions. I knew it, but it still made me slightly nervous. I did want to know what was going on with me, but at the same time a part of me was afraid of what it could be. I shifted to lie on top of my hands to keep them from shaking. I was mad at Carmilla for lying to me, but still wished she were with me, as selfish as that was.

“Laura,” LaFontaine started. “Since you said that fuzziness happened when we were talking about your dad, and that’s when you fainted last time, I’m going to ask you a couple things about him, okay?”

“Okay,” I said back, quietly. 

“Can you tell me your father’s name?” The question was simple, but I felt like I was over thinking everything. Raking my brain for such an easy answer.

“Steve,” I responded after a moment. “Steve Hollis.” 

“Good, and what did he do for a living?”

“He-“ I started to say, but quickly stopped. What had he done for a living? I knew what my mother had done; she was a surgeon. But when I thought back to all of the memories I had of my father, I could not come up with a single conversation about his work. “I don’t know.” The words slipped out of my lips and I felt my face fall. How could I not know what my father did for a living?

“That’s okay, Laura.” LaFontaine’s voice was soft and calming, but agitation was building inside of me. “This one may be a little bit harder for you, but can you tell me how your father died.”

I could feel the blood pumping in my body. The steady rhythm was pounding in my ears. My head felt fuzzy, almost like my thoughts were clouded with smoke. “There was an accident,” I said, but it didn’t feel right. I thought back to the day my father died. I could remember the officials telling me he was dead and I remembered the funeral, but somehow, none of it felt real. 

“What kind of an accident, Laura?” LaFontaine’s voice felt distant as it cut through the haze in my head.

“I don’t know.” My voice was so small, and I couldn’t tell if that’s how it really was or just how it sounded in my head. I tried to focus, pushing through all of the memories, but I could not find anything to answer their question. How had my father died? Why had I never asked? My skin was itching, and I was starting to feel sick, but I just swallowed the feeling down.

“That’s okay,” LaFontaine started. “Why don’t we talk about something else?”

“Okay,” I said softly. I relaxed a little bit, and the nausea started to fade.

“I know this may be an odd request, but humor me, will you?” LaFontaine asked.

A small smile played at the corner of my lips before I breathed out an “okay.”

“I’m going to name off some people, and I want you to tell me the first memory you have of them or whatever pops into your head first, sound good?” I didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded, and waited for LaFontaine to continue. “Okay how about we start with someone easy like Perry.”

“I remember thinking how out of place she was with all of you. Carmilla and Kirsch are soldiers and you are a scientist, but Perry was just trying to keep her peas from touching her mashed potatoes.” I could hear LaFontaine laughing through the speakers, and I thought I heard a small huff as well.

“Good,” LaFontaine managed in between fits of giggles. “Now what about Kirsch?”

“I met Kirsch at Silas. It’s the military academy for the Republic.”

“Do you remember who introduced you?” LaFontaine asked.

“I-“ I started, but quickly stopped. “I don’t remember. Danny, probably.” It was true. I had met Danny before I had met Kirsch, but she had known him from before the academy.

“Okay, so how did you meet Danny?” My head started to feel fuzzy again, as I sifted through my memories.

“We met at Silas, she was a year ahead of me.” I started to explain to LaFontaine. “One day, there was a fight in the mess hall and she broke it up. That’s the first time I remember seeing her, but we didn’t become friends until later. She didn’t get along with someone…” My thoughts began to drift as my head started to spin.

_“What do you want, Clifford?” A voice snarled from my right as Danny walked up to the table I was sitting at. It was still so melodic, and somehow familiar._

_“I came to talk to Laura, not that it’s any of your business.” She responded, glaring at the person sitting next to me._

_“As a matter of fact, it is.” The person next to me was pushing back their chair, and standing slowly. I stood up, putting myself between them._

_“Stop it! Both of you! This is getting ridiculous!” My hands were up, holding both of them back. The palm facing Danny was inches away from her, but my other hand was clutching the shirt of the woman standing behind me. I could feel her warm breath on my neck, and the soft skin of her stomach against my fingers._

“Laura,” LaFontaine said, their voice pulling me out of my daze. I shook my head, and the fog dissipated. “What were you just thinking about?” I bit my lip, trying to concentrate on what I had just been thinking. My head started to throb, and I could feel myself getting frustrated.

“I don’t remember,” I responded slightly defeated. My hands curled into fists underneath my legs, and I felt my nails digging into my palms.

“How ‘bout we call it a day?” LaFontaine asked.

“Okay,” I responded, letting my hands relax some.

The table I was lying on began to move. The loud sounds of the machine I was slowly coming out of only increasing as I did. The whirring stopped as the table did, and my head started to clear. When I sat up, LaFontaine was sitting back in the chair they had been in before, metal chart in hand. They were smiling up at me, as was Perry who was leaning in the doorway. 

“Are you feeling alright, L?” I nodded, hesitant of exactly what they meant by “alright.” They just smiled.

“Do you know what’s wrong with me?” I asked, as I store down at my hands.

“I think I have an idea,” LaFontaine started, “but I have to look at all of your scans first, but I should know for sure by tomorrow.” I nodded again, unsure of what else to do. I just slid off of the table, standing awkwardly in front of LaFontaine. Perry moved toward the main door and I turned to follow her, but LaFontaine’s hand was grabbing my wrist. “Perry, can you give us a minute?” Perry was holding the door open, staring back at us. She nodded, and the door closed behind her. I turned toward LaFontaine, who was no longer smiling at me, but instead had a much more stern look. “Carmilla told me what happened this morning,” was all they said.

“She did?” I asked, softly. LaFontaine nodded.

“She told me everything that happened while I gone.” The tone in LaFontaine’s voice made it seem like this was not a big deal. Like it was some type of normal occurrence for the two of them, to just share everything with one another. Maybe it was, I never really asked how close the two of them are.

“Did you know?” I wasn’t sure why I asked, but I suppose I was looking for answers from anyone. “About her I mean,” I added when they looked at me slightly confused. LaFontaine opened their mouth to speak, but closed it. Nodding instead. “I see,” was all I said. I turned and started walking toward the door.

“Laura,” LaFontaine called out after me. My hand was on the doorknob when they spoke again. “There’s a lot you don’t know. You should talk to her.” 

My hand fell, and I spun around on my heels. The look in their eyes was so sincere, and I wasn’t sure if they meant it more for me or for Carmilla. I just shook my head and turned back around, letting the door close softly behind me. Perry was sitting in a waiting room style chair a little ways down the hall. I walked toward her, and she stood. I followed her back through the hospital and out into the cool night. 

The winter wind was wiping against my exposed face as I walked through the streets and back to my apartment. Perry had offered to walk with me, but I declined. I needed some time alone to clear my head, of what I wasn’t really sure, but my thoughts felt heavy. The streets had a light layer of snow covering them, and I listened as it crunched with every step I took. My hands were buried in my jacket pockets, fisting the material to keep them warm. I had tried to pull my collar up as far as I could, but it barely covered my chin. I was still shivering as I made my way up the stairs and down the hall to my apartment.

I hesitated a moment, checking to see if I could hear voices behind the door before opening it. I turned the knob; it was unlocked, I let out a soft sigh. I wasn’t sure if it was out of relief or annoyance, but I felt my heart jump as my eyes landed on Carmilla sitting on the couch reading. Her eyes never left her book as I shuffled around the apartment, taking off my coat and moving into the kitchen to make myself a cup of hot chocolate. LaFontaine’s words were echoing in my head as I store down at the kettle, and I decided to take a second mug out of the cabinet. 

When the water started to whistle, I turned off the stove and poured the boiling liquid into the two mugs along with cocoa mix. After they were stirred, I walked into the living room, setting down a mug on the table in front of Carmilla before I moved over to sit in the chair opposite of her. After a moment, her eyes peered up over the top of her book at me. She folded the corner of her page before shutting the book and placing it in her lap. I nodded to the mug on the coffee table, lifting mine up to my lips. She paused another moment, biting the corner of her lip, before she leaned forward and grabbed the cocoa.

“Thanks,” she mumbled as her lips pressed against the mug. 

I didn’t respond, just watched her over the rim of my own mug. Her hands were laced together holding her cocoa to her lips. When she put them in her lap, the small silver ring glinted in the light. I put my cocoa down as well, mirroring her position. We sat in silence for a moment, just sipping our cocoa, staring at each other but never locking eyes. It was becoming too much. LaFontaine’s voice kept ricocheting around my head, along with Carmilla’s pleas from earlier that morning.

“You weren’t wearing it when we met,” I blurted. Her brow knitted, confusion taking up her face. I moved my hand and tapped my finger against where a wedding ring would be on my left hand. She looked down at my hands and frowned. She began twisting her ring with her fingers, and I could see that she was biting her cheek, as well.

“I haven’t worn it in a very long time,” she said as she looked down at her hands. I had a feeling she wasn’t going to just give me answers, so I was going to have to probe her for them.

“Is she here?” I asked, though I had a feeling I knew the answer considering Carmilla was sharing an apartment with me.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. Her eyes came up to meet mine, and I could see that they were full of pain. “She’s dead.”

I felt my heart clench in my chest as Carmilla blinked back tears. I wanted to reach my hand out and cup her cheek, but they stayed glued to the mug I was holding. Carmilla turned her head away from me and wiped her eyes on her sleeve before looking back at me.

“When Vordenberg found out that I was the one recruiting people for the Resistance, he had me arrested and tried for treason. As you know, when Vordenberg suspects you of something, he has not so humane ways of getting them out of you.” I bit my lip, looking down at my scared hands, and nodded. “I have matching ones,” she said as she rolled up her sleeves. Hers weren’t the same soft pink as mine, but a dazzling white. “He made her watch as his goons tortured and damn near killed me, then did the same to her. He realized pretty quickly that she didn’t know anything though, but it didn’t matter.”

My feet were moving before I could stop them. I sat down next to her and put my arm around her shoulder, gently pulling her toward me. She nuzzled her head into the crook of my neck and wrapped her arms around my waist. We sat there, encompassed in one another, for what felt like hours. But when I tried to move my arms from around her, she pulled herself tighter against me. I began running my fingers through her hair and rubbing small circles along her back. I had thought she had fallen asleep, and I found myself voicing my thoughts out loud.

“What was she like,” I whispered to myself. I felt Carmilla shift against me, her head coming off of my shoulder and her brown eyes looking up into mine. They were bloodshot and glistening. “I’m sorry,” I started, bring my hand up to cup her cheek and wipe away the dampness on it. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No,” Carmilla said, leaning into my touch. “It’s okay.” Her eyes had softened a little, but I could still see that she was holding back tears. “She was the happiest person I had ever met. So curious and full of life, almost like a ball of sunshine.” The corner of her mouth was curved up as she let out a soft laugh. “To be honest, we didn’t even like each other at first. We drove each other insane. But, her laugh was infectious, and one day I realized that I couldn’t help but love her.”

“She sounds amazing.” I felt my heart sink in my chest when I saw the tears rolling down her cheeks.

“She was,” she whispered. Her eyes were full of the deepest sorrow I had ever seen, and they looked so empty. I wanted so badly to shoulder all of her pain, to fill her heart with happiness from inside of me. I wanted to destroy whoever did this to her, and in that moment, I vowed to myself that I would.


	8. Chapter 8

The next few weeks became a whirlwind. LaFontaine suggested that I should get back to somewhat of a normal routine for myself. They thought it would help my mind adjust better. Carmilla took that as a way of saying I had become soft over the last month, and set me up to begin fitness training again. The only good thing about it was that I actually knew the trainers, though after my first few days, I wish that I hadn’t.

“Danny, don’t push her so hard!” I heard Kirsch yell from right above me. My head was spinning and my chest was heaving as I lied on the track floor.

“I’m sorry,” Danny started amiably. “It’s just that, the Laura Hollis I knew used to be able to run circles around me!” Danny spit at him.

“Well she isn’t the Laura Hollis you knew!” His words were harsh, but true. I don’t know how, but even I didn’t feel like the same person anymore. I guess Carmilla was right; I had gotten soft. I pushed my self up onto my elbows, then stood, shakily. Kirsch was behind me, his hands cradling my elbows.

“I’m fine, Kirsch,” I said shaking him off. I turned to Danny, looking up into her piercing blue eyes. “Let’s go.”

I crouched down, readying myself to start sprinting. I watched as Danny did the same next to me. Out of the corner of my eye I could just make out the smirk tugging at her lips. I was stubborn. I knew it. But I was never one to back down from a challenge. Maybe some people saw it as a flaw. I always liked to believe that it was what set me apart from everyone else.

My body was all but spent by the end of the first week. It took another three before I felt like I was anywhere near back to my normal self, and even then I still had miles to go. Carmilla was far more understanding than I thought she would be. She only made a couple snarky comments the first week about me not being able to walk up and down the stairs to our apartment. She even offered to carry me on the third night when I thought my legs wouldn’t move. I declined, of course, but when we got back into the apartment and I collapsed onto the couch, she came over and began massaging my legs.

The first few days after I had found out about Carmilla’s former life had been a little awkward. I felt so guilty about how I had handled everything, that I became slightly avoidant. Until one night when I woke from a particularly gruesome nightmare to find Carmilla’s hand gently shaking my shoulder and her voice trying to soothe my panicked mind. After that, everything went back to how it had been before. Except instead of waking to the smell of breakfast cooking, I now woke to dark brown curls tickling my nose, or warm breath against my neck. Sometimes I would watch her sleep before I slipped out of bed because the thought of leaving her was something I couldn’t bare. Other times, the pressure in my chest from being so close to her was too much, and I had to leave.

So I would run. Good or bad, I would run. Maybe that wasn’t the best approach, but it was the only one I could think of. I wasn’t sure who to talk to about it. I could tell from Danny and Carmilla’s minimal interactions that they didn’t get along all that well, and whenever I brought up Carmilla to Kirsch, he looked at me like I was a wounded animal that he was about to put out of it’s misery. I thought about bringing it up with LaFontaine during our next session, but I was afraid they would read too much into it, so instead I just tried to push my feelings out of my mind. It was easier than actually having to deal with them, anyway.

It was easier to focus on the beat of my heart, or the crunching of the fresh snow under my shoes as I ran through the silent morning streets. I could focus on the feeling of the cold winter air as it spread through my lungs, and watch the puffs of breath as it left them. I could focus on the colors that painted the sky as the sun began to peek over the horizon and greet the world. It was easier to focus on anything but those dark brown eyes, or that pale milky skin, or the salacious voice that sometimes whispered calming words in my ear at night.

I felt my foot slip underneath me, and my balance wavered. I tried to stick my arm out behind me to brace my fall, but I wasn’t fast enough. I felt the air leave my lungs as my back hit the concrete. There was a loud crack as my neck snapped back and my head slammed against the sidewalk. The cold snow surrounding my body was sucking all of the heat from my skin as the morning sky faded from a soft orange to black.

_I am sad. I think that’s the feeling. There’s no other way to describe it. Sadness seems to be the only word that fits. Sad and numb. Maybe this is what depression feels like. Personally, I wouldn’t know. Or maybe now I would. I just know that I feel empty. I shouldn’t feel empty, but I do. I haven’t cried, though. I thought that it would make me cry, because when you’re sad you cry. But I haven’t cried. I just lay in bed._

_“Laura,” I can hear my father’s voice. It sounds as empty as I feel. “Sweetheart, you can’t just lie here.” I don’t respond. Eventually he stops trying. It’s been three days, and I don’t think I’ve spoken a single word since I found out. I haven’t moved, haven’t eaten, haven’t showered. What’s the point?_

_The door to my room opens, and I can hear soft footsteps padding across the wooden floors of my bedroom. They’re far too soft to be my father’s, which means they can only be from one other person. I feel the bed sag behind me, and I’m quickly wrapped in a warm, tight embrace. I don’t move, I just cry. I know I’m safe, because I feel like I’m home. I cry until I have no more tears and dry sobs wrack my body. Her arms never move, never loosen. My eyes hurt, and my throat is dry. The tears that had been running down my face are long dry, when I finally turn around._

_She scoots back, but her arm is still resting on my hip, rubbing small circles on the exposed skin. Her dark brown eyes are looking directly at mine. They’re so full of worry that I can feel my heart clench in my chest. I almost start to cry again, but her hand comes up and cups my face. Her thumb begins stroking my cheek, then her fingers are brushing back my hair. She doesn’t say anything, because she’s never had to. She pulls me into her, wrapping both of her arms around me, and I wrap mine around her._

_“My mom’s dead,” I say against her shoulder._

_“I know, Cupcake.” She whispers back against my hair._

_“I miss her so much.” I feel something wet hit the top of my head from her jaw as she squeezes me a little tighter._

_“I do, too.” I know she does. My mother was her mother, too. Because her mother was dead, just like my mother was dead. But we still have each other. We will always have each other._

I could hear the steady beeping of a heart monitor as I woke up. My eyes adjusted to the bright lights around me, and I realized that I was back in the hospital. I let out a not so soft groan at the throbbing pain in my head as I tried to sit up. I heard a soft laugh coming from the chair, and I knew it was Carmilla. I turned my head to look at her, and her face softened.

“Leave it to you to almost die from going for a run.” Her lips were quirked up into a small smirk. I tried to glare at her, but it made my head hurt worse. Instead I just huffed.

“What happened,” I managed to croak out.

“Well, from what I gathered,” Carmilla started, standing from the chair and walking over to the bed. “You slipped on some ice while you were running and hit your head on the sidewalk. We don’t know how long you were out there for, but someone found you lying in the snow on their way to work. It’s a good thing they did, too. Another hour and you probably would have been dead from hypothermia.”

Carmilla sat down next to me on the bed, and my hands immediately reached out to grab hers. She didn’t flinch or try and move away, she just held my hands and stared at me with unease. Even with worry in her eyes she was the most beautiful thing I think I had ever seen in my entire life, and I wanted her. I couldn’t explain it if I tried, there was just this constant feeling inside of me, like a yearning for her. It was almost like we were magnets begin pulled together. I would feel a pain in my chest whenever she wasn’t near, and something drawing me back to her every time I left. Maybe it wasn’t want at all, but need. All I knew was that it was there, and a part of me felt like I was fighting it off, but I didn’t know why.

“I’m sorry,” I said as I squeezed her hands. She just laughed, scooting closer to me on the bed.

“You don’t have to apologize for being clumsy, Cupcake.” Her forehead was resting against mine, and she was so close.

I reached up my hand to cup her face, and she leaned into my touch, smiling. My thumb gently slid across her bottom lip, and her eyes opened and met mine. They were darker than I had ever seen them, full of something I couldn’t place. Mine flickered down to her parted lips that my thumb was still moving along, and then back up. Carmilla’s hands were clutching my hips, and my other one had found it’s way into her dark curls. I closed my eyes as I leaned in, feeling her warm breath against my lips. Her nose brushed against mine, and her grip on my hips tightened. We were close, so close. Our lips brushed just as the door to my hospital room opened.

“Alright Hollis,” I pulled back from Carmilla to see LaFontaine walking in the door, looking down at their clipboard. “I’ve got bad news, good news, and great news. What do you want to hear first?” I looked back over at Carmilla, her face was contorted into a scowl as she turned around to face LaFontaine. I felt my cheeks flush as I flashed her an apologetic smile. She let out a small huff as LaFontaine looked up at us with a goofy grin plastered on their face, which quickly fell when they noticed what I assumed to still be the deadly look from Carmilla. “Or I could come back later.”

“Good news first,” I said. I grabbed Carmilla’s hand, trying to get her to relax. She looked like a giant cat that was about to pounce on its prey, and LaFontaine looked slightly nervous. LaFontaine swallowed, then looked back at me.

“Good news is that you’re fine. You have a grade 3 concussion, but you’ll live.” I squeezed Carmilla’s hand, gently, and she looked back at me, flashing a small smile.

“So what’s the bad news?” I asked. LaFontaine held up their hand and smiled.

“First, I have to tell you the great news.” I watched as their smile spread across their face.

“Okay, what’s the great news, then?” I asked, trying to sound as optimistic as I could.

“I know what’s wrong with you head.”

I felt Carmilla tense before turning to LaFontaine and growling, “Nothing is _wrong_ with her head.” LaFontaine jumped at the harshness with which Carmilla spoke.

“Um, right.” LaFontaine bit their lip, collecting their self. “What I meant was,” they started, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I know why you are having some issues with your memory, and I think it’s the same reason you feinted.” I felt myself readjusting in the bed; sitting up, ready to hear what they had to say. “I don’t know how yet, but I think that your memories were tampered with.”

“Tampered with?” I found myself asking. I didn’t know much about science, but that sounded like a stretch to me.

“I think that someone manipulated your memories so that you would only remember certain events or people that they wanted you to remember.” I could feel Carmilla’s gaze on me, searching my face for a reaction.

“Are you saying that someone erased my memories?”

“Not quite,” LaFontaine said. “Memories can’t be erased, at least not permanently, because of how the brain stores them. What I believe happened to you is that certain memories of yours are being blocked, or that they were replaced with false memories.” I didn’t understand how LaFontaine’s theory could be correct, but given my total lack of knowledge in regard to anything they were talking about, I figured the least I could do was trust them.

“Okay,” I started. “So how do I get them back?” I watched as the smile on LaFontaine’s face fell.

“Well, that’s sort of the bad news.” Carmilla started to stand from the bed, but I pulled her back. I had a feeling I knew what LaFontaine was about to tell me, and I didn’t know if I could handle it without her. The look on Carmilla’s face nearly broke me. She was fighting back tears, and I knew that there was something of her in these hidden memories that I needed to find. “You may never get them back.” My shoulder’s sagged, and in that moment I felt so defeated.

“Oh,” I sighed out.

“I have a theory, though.” LaFontaine was looking at us both, with an almost cocky grin on their face. Carmilla’s brow raised in surprise, and I knew that this was news to her. I had known for over a month now that Carmilla and LaFontaine had been talking to each other about my nightmares and what not, so I had assumed that she had known what was going on with me, but maybe LaFontaine hadn’t told her everything like I had thought. “I think that your memories are being stored somewhere in your subconscious.”

“My subconscious?” I asked. LaFontaine just nodded.

“When you feinted the first time, you had spikes of brainwave activity when you were effectively asleep. It happened again when you were in the MRI machine, when I was asking you about meeting Danny and Kirsch. You didn’t know it, but you actually feinted again during the test. It was brief, but it told me a lot. Not to mention everything else Carmilla has told me about when you’re asleep.” There was a sly grin quirking up the corner of their mouth at the mention of my sleeping habits, and I felt my cheeks flush.

“What does that mean, exactly?” Carmilla asked a little skeptically.

“It means we may be able to access them,” LaFontaine told us. I could feel hope building inside of me, “but we have to be careful.” I felt my shoulders sag, again.

“Careful of what?” Carmilla asked.

“It seems that whoever did this to Laura, put in some type of fail safe system.” LaFontaine tried to explain.

“What kind of ‘fail safe system,’ LaF?” Carmilla nearly growled at them.

“I’m don’t know yet, but I’m pretty sure that it’s the reason Laura feinted. It seems that when she tries to access any of these memories, it has an adverse reaction.” LaFontaine began to explain. I think I finally understood what they meant.

“You mean like when my head starts to get fuzzy, or hurt?” I asked. LaFontaine nodded.

“I’m not completely sure, but I believe it was built in as a way to track the effectiveness of the process.”

“Track the effectiveness?” I was starting to lose track again. My brain felt like it was moving a mile a minute trying to keep up with their explanations.

“Basically, whoever did this to you wasn’t sure that it would last, so they needed a way to be able to tell when it started wearing off,” Carmilla said through gritted teeth.

“More than likely, yes.” My hand had slid out of Carmilla’s and was gripping tightly to the sheets beneath me.

My head felt like it was spinning, but not in the same way I had grown accustomed to. I felt some relief at knowing what was happening inside of my head, but now I felt like it left me with far more questions. The room suddenly felt stuffy, and I couldn’t breathe. I threw the covers off of me, and shakily stood from the bed. Carmilla sat there, watching me with worried eyes. I could see LaFontaine’s lips move to form my name, but I didn’t hear it. I just started walking. I moved around the bed, out the door, and down the long hallway to the stairs. I began running down them, pushing past people as they tried to come in the front doors. The cold air hit me, searing the inside of my lungs. I couldn’t feel my feet, they were numb from the cold, but I didn’t care.

I didn’t know where I was going to until I collapsed in the stairwell of my apartment building. I curled up into myself, trying to catch my breath. Instead I began to shake, with anger and tears. There was only one person who would have allowed this to happen to me, and more than likely he was the one who gave the order for it. Everything seemed to come back to Vordenberg. I guess what Carmilla had told me was true, and maybe I had known, I just couldn’t remember it.

I don’t know how long I sat there, rocking back and forth. My head started to get fuzzy from trying to remember anything I could of my life before I had ended up here. At some point, I felt warm arms wrap around me and lift me up. I threw my arms over their neck, breathing in the slight smell of cinnamon as I was carried up the stairs and into my apartment. I woke up sometime later, alone in my bed, bundled up under what was probably all of the blankets in the apartment.

I climbed out from underneath them, walking over to my dresser to change out of the same clothes I had been in when I left for my run that morning. I put on a clean pair of sweatpants and an old, worn sweatshirt I found folded on top of my dresser that I assumed must have been Carmilla’s. It had a faint smell of cinnamon that I found warmed me more than the actual article of clothing, itself. My feet were wrapped in thick, fuzzy socks that I thought best to keep on. I grabbed one of the blankets off of my bed, wrapping it around me before walking out of my room.

Carmilla was sitting on the couch holding a large, steaming mug up to her lips. I looked down at the coffee table and noticed an identical one sitting on it. I slowly made my way over, sitting down next to her. I could feel her eyes watching me as I leaned forward and grabbed the second mug off of the table, and folded my hands around it. I took a sip, and could feel the hot liquid as it traveled down my throat and into my stomach, warming my body from the inside out.

“Laura?” Her voice was so soft that I almost didn’t hear it. I put down my cup, and turned my head to look at her. I felt almost empty inside, and I’m sure that it showed on my face because Carmilla was looking at me like I was wounded. I could see my eyes getting blurry from the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks.

“I’m broken,” I managed to croak out before Carmilla’s arms were wrapping around me. Her hair was tickling my cheek and neck as she shook her head.

“There is nothing broken about you, cutie,” she whispered into my ear as her fingers dragged through my hair, pulling it back behind my ear. “I promise.”

I wiped the tears from my cheeks as I pulled back, looking into Carmilla’s eyes. There was something reassuring in the way she was looking at me, that I knew no matter what, she meant it. Her bangs had fallen down in front of her eye, and my fingers were itching to reach up and move it. Carmilla’s hand was on my thigh, and for some reason I felt hyper aware of it. I could feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest as I thought about how close we had come to kissing earlier. I didn’t know what would have happened if LaFontaine hadn’t walked in, but I wanted to. In that moment, there had been nothing I had wanted more.

I reached my hand up; my fingers gently grazed her forehead as I pushed her bangs behind her ear. They wove into her hair, and I felt her hand squeeze my leg. Her eyes flickered down to my lips as the tip of my tongue licked my bottom lip and my teeth pulled it in. She started to lean forward, and I could hear the shaky breath she let out as my lip slid out from between my teeth. Her hand was sliding up my leg toward my hip, and it felt like a trail of fire was being left where she had touched. She was mere centimeters away, my eyes were still staring down at her lips. When they flicked back up, I could see the hesitation in her dark eyes. I took a breath, closed my eyes and leaned forward.

Her lips were soft and warm, and she tasted like chocolate. My fingers were knotted in her dark curls, holding tight as she pulled me onto her lap. I wrapped my legs around her waist as she dragged her tongue across my bottom lip. I felt something building inside of my chest as I parted my mouth. As Carmilla’s tongue slid against mine, a small groan slipped from my throat. Carmilla let out a low laugh as she nipped my bottom lip. My cheeks flushed as she pulled her head back, and I could see the sly grin quirking up the corner of her mouth.

I had an urge to wipe the smirk off of her lips. I tugged at her hair, pulling her head back enough to expose her slim neck. I leaned forward, and began trailing my lips down her jaw. I could feel her heart beating rapidly against my lips as I began nipping at the tender skin above her pulse point. Her dull nails were scrapping along the skin of my back just above my pajama bottoms where my sweatshirt had ridden up. I traced along the nape of her neck with my tongue, and as I sucked her soft skin into my teeth and bit down, I got the satisfaction I was waiting for.

“Laura,” Carmilla moaned underneath me. Her hands were sliding up under my shirt, slowly. I let her skin out from between my teeth, and pressed my smiling lips against the red mark I had left.

Carmilla’s hands were lingering on my ribs, her thumbs gently stroking underneath the bottom of my bra. My hands moved from her hair, and I slowly dragged them down the sides of her body. Grazing her chest before resting on the exposed skin of her stomach. I moved my lips back up her neck, across her jaw, and back to her lips. The kiss was sloppier than the first, and we were both breathing heavily into each other. Carmilla’s hands were sliding down my sides as she was sitting back upward. They came down to my thighs as she pulled me tighter onto her lap. I completely wrapped my legs around her waist, and she held me in place as she began to lift us off of the couch.

She carried me into my room, closing the door behind us with her foot. She set me down on the edge of the bed, and my hands were gripping her ass as my lips trailed kisses down her stomach as she took off her shirt. Her skin was so pale and it shined so beautifully in the moonlight streaming in through my open window. I pulled my sweatshirt off, letting it fall to the floor with hers, and she leaned down to connect our lips as we fell back onto the bed wrapped in each other. I shimmied up toward the headboard, and Carmilla crawled after me, leaving kisses all over my body as she went.

Her hands were warm against my skin, as they dragged up my sides. Her thumbs hooked under the clasps of my bra. She unhooked it, pulling the straps down my shoulders, and kissed down my chest as she dropped it to the floor. She straddled my hips, leaning back, and put her arms behind her back to take off her own. I sat up, grabbing her hands. Her eyes were wide with surprise, but dark with arousal. A small smile tugged at the corner of my lips as my hands slid up her sides and back.

I could feel her slightly risen scars along her shoulders as I pulled her bra straps down her arms. The ones on her chest and stomach were barely visible, except the one on her shoulder, from where she had been shot a couple months ago. My fingers traced over it as I leaned in and kissed it softly. Carmilla’s fingers snaked into my hair and gently pulled. When I looked up, her face was right in front of mine. She leaned down, attaching our lips and pushed me back down onto the bed. Her bra came off on our way, and my hands moved from her shoulders down around her ribs. I heard her breath catch as my fingers ran along her hardened nipples.

She was holding herself inches above me, and I could see all of the muscles in her arms flexing. Her hip dug into my center as I rolled her nipples in my forefingers and thumbs, and a small whine escaped her lips. I let my hands slid down her sides and taut stomach. My fingers quickly undid the button and zipper of her pants, and my thumbs hooked under them, pulling them down with her panties. Carmilla quickly kicked them off and to the floor. She put one leg in between mine as she moved back. Her hands were resting on my hips, fingers teasing the waistband of my sweatpants, but she was looking down at me. I nodded my head and a devilish smirk flashed across her lips before they were trailing down my stomach and my thighs as she slowly pulled off my bottoms.

My hand came down and wrapped in her hair as her lips moved back up my inner thigh. I felt her nose brush against my slit over my panties, and I bit my lip to hold back a moan. I could feel Carmilla’s leg come up and settle in between mine, and my hips jerked up against her. She let out a soft laugh against my nipple that was in her mouth, but moved her leg against me. My nails were digging into her back and I pulled on her hair, but I couldn’t hold back the groan that escaped my lips. I could feel Carmilla’s hands gripping the sheet next to me as she let my nipple pop out of her mouth. My breathing was getting heavier, and my body felt like it was on fire. Carmilla’s lips were moving up my neck, until her teeth were nipping at my ear.

“Carmilla,” I moaned as her hand glided down in between her leg and began rubbing. I lifted my hips so she could pull off my underwear. I pulled her head back toward me, connecting our lips as her fingers dragged back up my thighs, teasing me. My hips jerked again and a small whine came out of me, as her fingers traced up and down my slit. I could feel her smile against my lips, that I quickly made disappear by dragging my nails down her back. I felt her shiver on top of me.

She moaned into my mouth as her fingers finally slipped into me. I knew I was wet, and I felt slightly embarrassed by how easy it had been for her, but it was like she knew exactly how to touch me and where to kiss me. She drew circles around my clit as her tongue danced across my neck. My hips moved, desperate for her, needing friction.

“Carm,” my voice was deep, and full of want. She looked up, her eyes were so soft and the look made me melt. My hand was moving down her arm, pushing her hand down. “Please,” I pleaded.

Her head came back down, connecting her lips with mine as her fingers slipped inside of me. My hips moved in perfect time with her hand, like it was something we had done countless times before. It didn’t take much to turn me into a wanton mess, but when my body shuddered as I came, it was with Carmilla’s name on my lips. And I knew that I had never tasted anything so sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I made a playlist for this fic and decided I'm going to post it. It's at the end in the notes. I'm going to update it as I go along because I don't want to give anything away. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for the kudos and comments! I appreciate and love the support!
> 
> Also this was my first time writing anything so physical, so sorry if it was a little subpar.


	9. Chapter 9

My head was on top of Carmilla’s bare chest, slowly moving up and down with every breath. Her heart was thumping a slow, steady beat as I traced my fingers along the small white scars along her shoulders and chest. A smile spread across my lips as they danced along the still pink one from when we had first met, though more and more I was starting to think that it hadn’t been. 

“Were we friends?” I asked. Her hand that had been slowly dragging through my hair stilled as I lifted my head to look at her. Her lips were pursed, and she appeared to be deciding what to say.

“You could say that,” she finally said.

“Is that why they erased you from my memory?” Her eyes widened, and her mouth opened. “Kirsch and Danny know you like they’ve known you for years, but if they knew you before, then so would I.” I tried to explain. Her hand began moving back though my hair as I spoke. “But every time I try to remember you, my head gets fuzzy, so I must have memories of you, somewhere.” 

“Do you want to remember everything?” Her voice was so sincere, and until she had asked, I hadn’t much considered it.

“Honestly?” I asked her, and she nodded. “I don’t know.” I laid my head back down on her chest before I continued. “I feel like a part of me is missing, but I’m worried that I might not like what I find out.”

“What do you mean?” Carmilla asked as her fingers dragged through my hair, and down my shoulder.

“What if everything I know about myself is wrong? What if,” I started, but quickly bit my lip trying to hold back the thought. Carmilla pulled my hair back from my face as I tilted it up to look at her. “What if I was a terrible person?” I felt Carmilla’s chest rumble with laughter.

“You, Laura Hollis, were stubborn, presumptuous, and had this incessant need to know everything." The corners of my mouth turned down into a frown as she spoke. She was smiling at me as her hand moved down to cup my cheek. “But you are kind, and loyal, and have always fought for what you believe in. Nothing about you could ever be terrible, and I think you would have a very hard time finding anything to prove otherwise.”

I leaned forward, pressing my lips to Carmilla’s. I didn’t know why, but I believed her. Since the day in the woods, I felt like I had known Carmilla. Almost like we had met in another life, and now I knew we had. I don’t know if we actually had been friends, but something about her just felt so right. Whatever the feeling was, it put my mind at ease. There was still a small nagging feeling that was itching at the back of my mind telling me I still didn’t know everything, but I hoped that with time I would.

After LaFontaine had told me about my condition, I had been cleared for active duty. Which basically meant I was allowed to carry a gun again. I also got some added clearances within the Compound itself, though they were mostly to the armory and shooting range. I started training more with Danny and Kirsch, and not just physical fitness. After we did our daily PT I would go to the shooting range with them. I had never been as much of a sharp shooter as Danny was, but I didn’t realize how much you could regress without practice.

I continued meeting with LaFontaine at least twice a week to try and find a way to get my memories back. Every day was different. Sometimes LaFontaine would take scans while we talked about what I could remember of my past. Other times they put me to sleep and monitored my brain activity. So far, I had shown only minor improvements. I started to distinguish whom I could associate with a false memory or a lack of memory, and Kirsch had helped me to build a kind of timeline of when I must have began showing that I was remembering things again. But aside from making my brain feel like mush, I felt like nothing else was different. I knew that this wasn’t going to happen over night, but the lack of tangible progress was weighing on me.

It took another two months of one-on-one training with Danny and Kirsch before I was instated into a unit. I was told that it was a tactical unit, which meant that it was small. It also meant that it was very selective. I wasn’t sure who had been in charge of my placement, but it became pretty obvious to me once I arrived at the briefing room to meet them.

The far wall was completely made of glass, and the sun was shining directly into my eyes. Once they adjusted, I noticed the large circular table in the middle of the room. Kirsch and Danny were already sitting around it, along with a blonde woman and a young bald man who looked like he was barely 18. Kirsch was beaming at me as I made my way over to the table, and Danny had a sly smirk on her face. I sat down beside Kirsch, and they introduced me to the other two individuals. The woman’s name was Betty Spielsdorf. She was a weapons specialist that Carmilla had recruited from the Republic before Vordenberg had rooted her out. J.P. Armitage was in fact only 18, but he was some type of technological genius. He had been born inside of the Compound, and had helped to develop the majority of their current security features. He also worked hand in hand with LaFontaine with weapons development. They both seemed to already know who I was, though I suppose I wasn’t too surprised about that.

The door clicked open next to me, and I turned to see a tall, dark skinned woman with high cheek bones and sharp jaw line walk into the room. Everyone’s eyes trained on her, and all conversation ceased. Walking behind her was someone I did recognize; William Luce. His dark hair was longer, and the stubble on his face was more prominent than the last time I had seen him, but the way he strutted with such arrogant confidence was still the same as I remembered. I had known Will since I was 5. He was two years older than me, but our families had been close growing up. My father and his mother had been close friends, and Will and I were forced to spend an exorbitant amount of time together. He had had a sister as well; she had been younger than him, though when I tried to remember her name, my head became fuzzy.

I closed my eyes for a moment as I rubbed my hands on my face and massaged my temples. When I opened them, Carmilla was standing in front of me next to Will. The resemblance was uncanny, their dark hair and eyes, and sharp angular jaws. My eyes flicked back and forth between the two of them, and I felt my mouth open slightly. A breathy “oh” slipped from my lips, and I watch as a smirk quirked up the same corner of both their mouths.

“Kitty,” Will said as he glanced toward Carmilla. “I think something’s wrong with your play thing.” Carmilla’s smirk turned into a sneer as she slammed her shoulder into Will before walking over to sit next to me. I relaxed a little at the feeling of Carmilla’s hand resting on my leg. She gave it a gentle squeeze, and I turned my head to her. Her one eyebrow was raised in question, but her face seemed to smooth as I flashed her a nervous smile.

“Now, now William,” her voice was almost velvety smooth, but it had a devilish edge to it. “Play nice.” I watched as Will scowled at the woman in front of him before making his way over to the seat next to Carmilla. The tall woman stood at the open end of the table, her dark eyes trained on me. Her lips curved up into an almost vicious grin and I felt my heart start to race and my palms sweat. “We’re glad you could join us, Colonel Hollis. I am Lieutenant General Matska Belmonde, and I believe you have met everyone else,” she gestured around the table, and I nodded. “Good.”

As Lieutenant General Belmonde explained, our unit was made up of the 6 highest ranked officers from the Army of the Republic that had most recently defected to the rebel cause, as well as the brightest that the rebels had to offer. We were assembled because of our vast knowledge of the Republic government officials, as well as its upgrades in defenses. Basically, we were a strategizing force, which explained why I was a part of the team. Though, aside from J.P., we were technically all elite trained killers, as well. It would be far easier for the 6 of us to anticipate moves that the Republic soldiers and its government officials would make.

We were to become seamless. We trained together, ate together, and did everything aside from sleep together. Well, most of us anyways. We were all paired as roommates, though. Danny and Betty, Kirsch and Will. J.P. was the only one that was given quarters of his own, and it was because he had been born in the Compound. It took a few months, but eventually we fell in sync with one another. The biggest struggle had been with Carmilla and Danny. I wasn’t sure why, but the two of them refused to work together. It didn’t help that Carmilla had some type of sarcastic quip for everything Danny said. Even Will and I managed to work with each other better than the two of them, though it was quite a feat.

“How do you expect us to get anywhere when she shoots down everything I say,” Danny all but screamed at me during one of our strategy sessions. 

“Well maybe if your ideas weren’t so terrible, I wouldn’t be shooting them down.” Carmilla was leaning back in her chair, with her feet propped up on the glass table in front of her as she picked at her nails. Her tone was far more indifferent from Danny’s, who was red in the face. Kirsch was holding onto Danny’s arm, trying to pull her back into her seat.

“Enough!” I was on my feet, slamming my hands against the table. I watched as Kirsch’s jaw dropped, and everyone’s eyes snapped to me. “I don’t know what the problem is between the two of you, or maybe I do and just can’t remember,” I started as my eyes darted back and forth between the two of them. “But this is getting absolutely ridiculous! I could care less if the two of you like each other or not, but you need to learn how to work together.” My voice was far more forceful and commanding than I had heard it in a long time, and it made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I took in a deep breath, then let it out in a huff. “Please,” I added exasperatedly before sitting back down.

They both got better after that. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better. It helped that I had started a sort of behavioral modification routine to see if it would affect Carmilla in any way. Any time she had a positive interaction with Danny, she was rewarded. I didn’t know if she had caught on or not, but it was definitely working how I had hoped it would. 

“Fuck, Laura,” her voice was low and her fingers were pulling on my hair. Her head was tilted slightly forward and I could see her biting on her bottom lip trying not to moan. She was sitting in her normal chair in the strategy room, legs wrapped around my shoulders. With one final flick of my tongue and curl of my fingers I felt her legs shake as her head snapped back and she groaned. 

I slid out from between her legs, wiping off my mouth as I stood. Carmilla grabbed my hand, and I could feel the vibration from her moan as she sucked herself off of my fingers. She let them out with a soft pop, then smiled up at me. “What was that for?” She asked, sleepily.

I leaned down, smiling. “Good behavior,” I mumbled against her lips. I pulled away, and her lips chased after me. She had a lazy look upon her face that made my heart melt. I grabbed her pants off the floor and dropped them in her lap. “Now get dressed, we’re going to be late for my appointment with LaFontaine.” I gave her one final peck on the lips before sauntering over to the door. 

I heard Carmilla grumble, “You’re killing me, Hollis,” as she put on her pants. She came up behind me, spun me around and pressed my back into the door. She grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head, then leaned forward and connected our lips. It was sloppy, and passionate, and perfect. Just like Carmilla. I wasn’t sure how different my life had been before from what I remembered it to have been, but I know that the last 3 months had probably been the most exciting, and not all of that was because of Carmilla. Her hands slid down my arms and my sides, settling on my hips. I let mine fall from the door and wrap around her neck. When she pulled away, she kissed my nose and my face filled with a smile. My heart always felt like it was swelling whenever Carmilla did something uncharacteristically cute like that. When she kissed my nose, or nuzzled into me, or grabbed my hand when we were walking. I wasn’t sure I had ever been in love before, but I think that I could be, if I let myself. In those moments, I let myself.

We were late. I knew we would be, but when Carmilla’s arms were wrapped around me, I usually lost track of time. I tried to put on my best apologetic look when we came into the testing room, but LaFontaine had a sly grin on their face and so did Carmilla. LaFontaine winked at us, as Perry just shook her head and walked away. I turned back to Carmilla, frowning, but she just shrugged her shoulders and went to sit down.

Once I joined the task force unit, J.P. made it a habit of sitting in on most of my sessions with LaFontaine. He was just as interested as they were in whatever was happening inside of my head, and as far as I was concerned the more people who could figure it all out the better. I didn’t mind J.P. either. He was nice and polite, and I never felt like he was babying me or judging me like everyone else seemed to. He smiled warmly at me as I sat down on the exam table next to all of the computers and LaFontaine began attaching the electrodes to my head.

LaFontaine had been overjoyed when they learned that I still had all of my memories in tact of Will, though Carmilla didn’t find it at all surprising. Will was Carmilla’s older half brother. They had the same mother, but different fathers and different last names. Though they had technically grown up together, they had never been all that close, and as they got older that distance only grew. She suspected that whoever had tampered with my memories probably didn’t even realize that I knew there was a connection between Carmilla and Will. LaFontaine and J.P. had been trying to exploit that error since it was discovered, though it wasn’t making too much of a difference.

“If you’re okay with it,” LaFontaine started as they finished attaching the last electrode to my temple. “We want to talk to you about your mom today.” I watched as Carmilla shifted in her seat. She was leaning forward and the muscles in her arms looked tense, but her expression was impassive. I looked back to LaFontaine and nodded. They gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze, then went and sat next to J.P. I laid back down on the exam bed, and waited. 

“Let’s start with something easy,” J.P. said smiling up at me. “Do you remember what your mother did for a living?”

“She was a surgeon at the Silas Memorial Hospital,” I said remembering the days I would spend in the day care room at the hospital while my mother was working. LaFontaine looked over at Carmilla, and I saw her nod at them out of the corner of my eye, confirming my memory. I was slightly agitated that they felt the need, but far more upset at the fact that we couldn’t trust my memories enough to not have someone corroborate them.

“Did your parents ever tell you how they met?” I felt a smile spread across my lips as I remembered the story my father had told me as a little girl about how he got the small scar on his hand.

“He had been a patient of hers,” I started off. “He accidentally cut his hand open when he had been trying to cook. My mom was just starting her residency, and he was trying to impress her so he told her not to numb his hand. But she had to stop half way through because it had hurt him too much. He was so embarrassed that he couldn’t look her in the eyes the rest of the time, but when he went back a few weeks later to have them taken out, she asked him if he wanted to have dinner with her. They got married two years later.” 

Carmilla was smiling up at me, and her hand had come up to clasp mine. Her thumb was tracing patterns along my palm, and I wasn’t sure if it was to comfort me or just out of habit. I had known for a while now that Carmilla had known my parents, though we never talked about it, but it made me want to remember the missing pieces of my life that much more. 

LaFontaine looked back toward the mirrored wall briefly, before turning toward J.P. then back to me. They had a nervous look on their face, and I had a feeling I knew what they were about to ask. They opened their mouth to speak, and my hand clenched Carmilla’s tightly, waiting.

“Do you remember how she died?” I could feel all of their eyes on me, even Perry’s from the other room. Carmilla’s thumb was still gently stroking my palm, and I tried to focus on the feeling rather than the pain in my chest. I let out a shaky breath as I nodded.

“She was sick,” I started. “She had been for a long time, but we never talked about it. Then it got worse, and we couldn’t keep pretending anymore. She stopped working, and for a while it helped. Then nothing helped anymore, and she was gone.” 

I felt a tear roll down my cheek, and wiped it away with the back of my free hand. I looked over at Carmilla, but her eyes were no longer on me. They were focused on the floor, and she was absentmindedly picking at the hem of her t-shirt. I tugged at her hand and she looked up, sadness in her eyes. I swallowed the thickness in my throat and she leaned forward and pressed her lips to the back of my hand. A small smile tugged at the corner of my mouth, and when she looked back up at me I saw it mirrored on her.

LaFontaine asked a few other questions about my childhood, and what else I could remember of my mother. It seemed like the only vivid memories I had left were the ones of her. I hated it, but I was actually thankful to whoever spared me those precious moments in my mind. 

Carmilla had followed LaFontaine and J.P. into the room behind the mirror while I started to disconnect the electrodes from myself. She still talked to them about my progress, and kept LaFontaine updated about my nightmares. I would still wake from them from time to time, though it was far less frequent than before. Even when I did, I would feel Carmilla’s arms around me or see her next to me, and quickly calm down and fall back asleep. She kept me grounded, and I felt far more normal when I was around her. She never made me feel like I was missing a part of myself.

The door to the room was slightly ajar, and I could just make out Carmilla’s voice from where I was sitting on the table. “She isn’t ready,” she said. I could hear another voice, that I believe was J.P., but I couldn’t make out what he had said. “It’s not our place to make that decision. He said she has to make it on her own.” Her voice was low, and the words came out as more of a growl. “I don’t care what you two think it will do, the answer is still no.” I could tell from her tone that she was upset, but when she walked out from behind the door, her expression was steeled.

“All set, Cupcake?” She asked, leaning against the doorframe. I nodded, hopping off of the table I had been sitting on. She held open the door for me, and we walked into the dimly lit hallway of the hospital.

The walk back to the apartment was silent. Somewhere along the way Carmilla’s fingers threaded into mine, but my focus was on the sky. When we got back to the apartment, I stood looking out the window in the living room at the setting sun. Carmilla’s arms snaked around my waist as her chin rested on my shoulder. Her soft black curls were tickling my cheek as her lips pressed against the small of my neck.

“You are so brave, you know that, Creampuff?” I chuckled softly, but my lips pulled into a smile. I knew she meant it genuinely but it sort of baffled me how someone like Carmilla, a woman I watched take a bullet for me, could possibly think that I was brave. I had spent the last few months of my life inside a guarded military compound. A side from the day I met Carmilla, I had never even seen any type of combat before, well real combat anyways. I never even fired a gun at another human being. No, I wasn’t brave. I was just desperate for answers, and desperation can do a lot to a person, I suppose.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I asked her. I felt her lips vibrate against my skin as she hummed her response. I leaned back into her, and she lifted her head, resting her chin back on my shoulder. 

“Not as beautiful as you,” she whispered so softly that I almost didn’t hear it. I leaned my head against hers, and pulled her arms around me tighter as she began to gently sway us back and forth. The combination of the gentle rhythm and the setting sun was making my eyes feel heavy, and my body began to relax into Carmilla’s embrace. I could feel her laugh vibrating my back, and the warmth from her breath against my ear sent a shiver down my spine. “Let’s get you to bed, cutie.”

I just nodded, and turned around when Carmilla’s arms slackened around my waist. I grabbed her hand, pulling her behind me toward my bedroom. I peeled down the blankets and crawled into bed. Carmilla kicked off her shoes, and climbed in after me. Her arm snaked under my pillow as the other one wrapped around my stomach. I grabbed her hand, lacing our fingers together and pulled them up below my chin. I heard her sigh softly, as I kissed each one of her fingers. Within seconds I was peacefully, fast asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

“Laura,” I could feel a soft hand cupping my face as a thumb was stroking my cheek. “Wake up, Cupcake.” Carmilla’s voice was so quiet, and I felt my mind being pulled toward her. I opened my eyes, blinking away the sleepiness from them. She was smiling down at me as she leaned forward until our lips were almost touching. “Good morning, cutie,” she whispered before pressing them together and my mouth pulled into a smile. 

“Morning,” I mumbled as she pulled away. I nuzzled into her, and she pulled me tighter for a moment. When I drew back, my mouth curved down into a frown. “You’re already dressed.” Carmilla looked back down at my face and chuckled as she leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine again.

“I am,” she started, “and you should be, too.” She started to get up out of bed, then turned back toward me, a sly grin on her face. “We have a mission.”

My eyes widened, and my jaw dropped. A side from strategizing, and our more or less team building exercising, we hadn’t actually done much of anything since I had joined the new unit. From what I had known about everyone else, though, they had been going on recon mission individually for months. I had been itching to leave the Compound, finding myself becoming increasingly restless for weeks now. I loved the blissful, almost domestic, life that I had been living with Carmilla the last couple months, but it had grown harder for me to adjust to. I could tell that Carmilla was feeling the same way. 

She started sauntering out of the room, calling to me from the hallway. “You better hurry up, Creampuff. Bus isn’t going to wait for you.”

I threw the covers off of myself, running to my closet to rifle through it for my uniform. I got dressed in almost record time, running out into the living room to see Carmilla putting on her boots. She looked up at me, smiling. Once we were both ready, we left the apartment and started heading toward the armory where the rest of the unit was waiting for us. Danny and Kirsch were already completely suited up and loaded with weapons. J.P. was awkwardly standing next to a shelf full of handguns, looking at them with distaste. Despite his part in developing the weapons used by the rebels, he was not all that fond of them. He told me once when we were at the shooting range that he much preferred nonviolent actions. Betty was standing off to the side strapping in all her weapons, while Will was twirling around a set of knives, a devilish glint in his eyes.

“Finally joining us, Kitty?” Will asked. I looked over, and Carmilla had a grin on her face. She nodded her head at him, and he smirked. His eyes flashed to me, and he quirked up his eyebrow. “Your pet come to wish you off?” He asked condescendingly. 

“Actually,” I started, turning to face him. “I’m coming too.” My eyes looked up to meet his, and I watched as his grin quickly fell. Carmilla reached out and took my hand. I turned to see her looking at me with a satisfied sort of smile, and what I could only hope was pride in her eyes. I didn’t know much about Carmilla’s relationship with Will, but I knew it was rocky, to say the least.

“Good, you’re all here.” I turned to see Lieutenant General Belmonde, or Mattie as everyone referred to her as, walking into the weapons room. She was dressed in her normal attire of tall heels and some type of designer dress or other. I had figured that she had been one of the more well off supporters that Carmilla had told me about when we first met, though I never really thought to ask. 

“Not joining us today, Mattie?” Carmilla asked, her eyebrow quirked. Mattie stared back at her, an amused look on her face.

“Hardly,” she said as her mouth quirked up into an almost vicious smile. “Today is strictly a recon mission. You are going to a drop site in the woods outside of the Capital of the Republic.” She turned toward Will, nearly glaring at him. “Under no circumstances are you to engage in any type of combat, understood?” We all nodded our heads, including Will after a long stare down with Mattie. “Good,” she said, the smile returning to her face. “Now, hurry along,” she said dismissively before turning on her heels and walking away.

We all finished grabbing our weapons and changing into our gear, then headed to the large hanger where the fleets of planes were kept. When we arrive, a jet was already out on the runway waiting for us. The pilot greeted us, as we all situated ourselves in the bay. Kirsch had the same excited look on his face that had been plastered on since I first saw him that morning, and it was becoming infectious. Everyone was wired, myself included. But my nerves were on edge, and my stomach was churning with apprehension. I didn’t even notice that my leg had been bouncing up and down until I felt Carmilla’s hand resting on my knee. She was looking up at me, her eyes laced with worry. I turned to her and smiled as genuinely as I could, but I know it didn’t convince her. I faced forward, taking in a deep breath then letting it out to try and calm myself as the plane landed. Kirsch stood, and we all followed. 

“Everybody ready?” He asked. We all nodded, as the bay door opened, everyone but J.P. filing out. “Alright,” Kirsch started. “Like the Scary Hottie said, this is a recon mission only. So no one should be discharging their weapons unless your lives depend on it, got it?” He said, his eyes training on Will as well. Everyone nodded again and Kirsch continued. “Spielsdorf your with Luce. Hollis you’re with Karnstein. D Bear’s with me. We rendezvous back here at 1400 hours. Make sure to keep in communication, we don’t want a repeat of last time.”

“What happened last time,” I whispered over to Carmilla. I watched as the corner of her mouth pulled up into a grin.

“William took it upon himself to do a little hunting and almost got everyone killed by the Republic soldiers in the strong hold everyone was supposed to be trying to find.” Her voice was low, but I could still hear the playfulness in it.

“He never could follow orders, could he?” I mumbled back, more to myself and out of frustration than anything. The smirk on Carmilla’s face only grew.

“Somebody’s gotta raise a little Hell, Cupcake.” I looked over at Will and he was wearing a matching smirk. He winked at us, then turned and started following Betty toward the south end of the woods.

We had landed in a small field that was completely surrounded by trees. If what I remembered of my training was correct, we were roughly 50 miles from the northern entrance of the Capital. I had spent hardly any time in the northern woods, a side from my escape the previous fall, and so my surroundings were virtually foreign to me. I had lived almost my entire life in the Capital, from the day I was born until my necessary flight. I never had much of a need to leave other than training exercising during my time with the Army. Though after my time at the Academy I rarely did any type of scenario training myself, because I was normally the one planning it.

I followed a step or two behind Carmilla as we set off toward the western section of the woods. One of the latest defenses that the Republic had set up, were bunkers in the woods surrounding the Capital. They were more for warning than anything else, but they utilized different tunnel systems that had been built under the old government system, prior to the formation of the Republic. They had been closed for decades. The government claimed that they were too dangerous to use, but Vordenberg had actually been repairing them. For what, we weren’t sure of, though I had a feeling they were escape routes. Our job, along with a few other teams, was to find all of the entrances to these tunnels. The rebel leaders wanted to use these tunnels to our advantage if the time ever came for attacking the Capital.

We had been walking the area for a better part of two hours when Carmilla’s pace finally slowed. She fell in step next to me, holstering her gun and letting her hand fall to her side. I did the same, and Carmilla’s fingers were instantly tangled in mine. I closed my eyes, breathing in the fresh air as we walked silently next to one another. The spring sun was shining down between the new leaves on the trees, speckling the ground in front of us. The gentle tug of Carmilla’s hand pulled me out of my mind, and I turned to see her staring at me with a soft, endearing smile on her lips. I took a step back toward her and her arm snaked around my waist. I dropped her hand and wrapped mine around her neck.

“You’re so beautiful, you know that?” She asked, and I felt my body melt as her dark eyes stared into mine. I bit my lip, shaking my head as she pulled me closer. She kissed my forehead, then my nose. She was leaning in but just as our lips were about to touch, there was a popping noise coming from the distance. 

Carmilla stopped, pulling away slightly, her head turned toward the noise. It came again after another moment, and my arms dropped from her neck. It was gunfire. Carmilla’s hand slid down from my waist, grabbing her gun from the holster, then started running. I followed after her, a pace behind. Another moment later we could hear Kirsch’s voice in our earpieces.

“Everyone get back to the plane, now!” 

It took us less than 5 minutes to get back to the clearing. Kirsch and Danny were already there, guarding the plane. I could see J.P. inside of it, trying to communicate over the radio. Carmilla and I ran up to Kirsch, who was standing at the mouth of the plane, trying to usher us inside.

“Where are Will and Betty?” Carmilla asked, almost out of breath. Danny and Kirsch exchanged a small glance at each other before Kirsch looked back at Carmilla.

“They found the tunnel entrance, but it was being guarded.” I watched as Carmilla’s eyes narrowed, and I knew what she was about to do. 

I watched as Kirsch’s arm came up to grab her, but I blocked it with my body. Carmilla took off toward the south end of the woods where Will and Betty had gone earlier, right toward the gunfire. Kirsch’s hand hit my back and I stumbled forward before taking off and running after Carmilla. I could hear Kirsch and Danny screaming our names behind us and in my earpiece, but I just kept running.

Carmilla and I were less than 500 meters into the woods when we nearly tripped over Betty. She was sitting behind a small wall of hedges, holding desperately onto her leg. There was blood dripping out between her fingers, soaking her uniform and the leaves on the ground. I knelt down, throwing my bag and gun on the ground and started digging around for anything I could use as a tourniquet. 

“What happened,” Carmilla asked Betty as she squatted down next to her. “Where’s Will?” Betty was biting her lip, and breathing heavily.

“There were 5 guards at the entrance of the tunnel. We were behind the trees, but they must have had a frequency jammer, because our earpieces started giving off really loud feedback. They flanked us when we started running. I got hit and Will hid me here before running off to draw them away.” Betty’s breathing was becoming labored, and I could tell that the bullet had fractured her femur. I ripped off one of the arms of my jacket and began tying it tightly around Betty’s leg. Carmilla looked at me, watching my hands work. She looked up at me and I could see the war raging behind her eyes as she tried to decide what to do. I nodded my head, and she turned and started running. When I was finished tying, Betty grabbed my arm. “Go,” she said. I shook my head, then felt her hand squeeze around me. “She needs you more than I do.” 

My chest felt tight at the thought of something happening to Carmilla, and I knew she was right. I nodded, grabbing my gun from off of the ground and began sprinting after Carmilla. My heart was pounding in my chest, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the running or the adrenaline that was most likely pumping through my system with each rapid beat. Twigs were cracking under my boots and I crashed through the underbrush, following the path Carmilla was making. The gunfire was getting loader with every step I took. Carmilla stopped behind a cluster of tree that were covered with overgrowth and formed an almost blind. We could see three Republic soldiers on the other side, all facing a small rock formation. I followed their lines of sight, and on top of the large boulders were a group of smaller rocks that split in the middle. Will must have found a way to climb up the boulders and was using the top rocks as cover.

I motioned to Carmilla where I thought Will was hiding, and she nodded. She had her gun aimed at the back of the soldier on the far left, and I aimed mine on the man on the far right. We both fired at the same time and we stepped out from behind the trees. The middle soldier turned, unsure of which of us to aim at. His indecision only lasted a moment before he trained his rifle on Carmilla, but before he could fire I felt my finger pull back my trigger. I hit him in the hand and he dropped his gun. Another shot fired from behind him, and he fell forward. Will was standing in between the two smaller rocks, gun still pointed. Carmilla and I lowered our guns, and Will jumped down from on top of the boulders.

“Where are the other two?” Carmilla asked him and he started jogging toward us.

“I don’t know.” Will said, holstering his gun. “They broke away from these three before I made it into this clearing. Is Betty okay?” Will asked Carmilla. She just nodded, and he released in audible sigh. “I was worried they had doubled back for her.”

“The bullet missed her femoral artery, but it definitely broke the bone.” Will looked at me, as if he were just now noticing I was there. I couldn’t read the expression on his face, but his eyes looked almost relieved. They met mine briefly, but then he was looking over my head, focused on something behind me. I looked at Carmilla, but felt myself being pushed out of the way before I could turn to see what was behind me.

I heard another gunshot, and turned to see Will clutching at his bicep. Blood was running down his arm from between his fingers, staining them crimson. He and Carmilla were screaming at each other, both focused at the tree line that we had been hiding behind earlier. Carmilla had her weapon drawn, and she was standing in front of me as I fumbled for my gun. She let off a couple shots as we began walking backward. 

“Laura, go!” Carmilla yelled, nodding her head toward the boulders that Will had been hiding behind. I turned to start sprinting, hoping I would be able to lay down cover fire for them once I climbed up, but there was someone jumping down from it, landing directly in front of me. Before I could even raise my gun it was being knocked out of my hand. I felt a sharp pain in the side of my neck, and my body was being spun around to face Will and Carmilla. They had both turned, guns pointed directly at me. I was being used as a shield and I could see the terror in Carmilla’s eyes as they darted back and forth between the man behind me and mine. There were two Republic soldiers advancing toward us, their guns trained on Will and Carmilla’s backs.

“Drop your weapons, or I kill her.” I heard from behind me. I recognized the voice, because it still haunted my dreams. The grip around my neck was getting tighter, and my head was starting to become fuzzy.

“Touch her and it will be the last thing you do, Straka,” Carmilla growled as she and Will placed their guns on the ground. 

The pain in the side of my neck withdrew, and I felt my body go numb as Theo’s grip loosened. My knees buckled, and I fell to the ground. I watched Carmilla lung forward to catch me, but one of the Republic soldiers hit her with his rifle. Her body fell in front of me, and I could see a trickle of blood running down her forehead. Her eyes were closed, but when I tried to reach out for her I couldn’t move. My eyes were growing heavy, and I was struggling to keep them open. I watched as the other Republic soldier knocked Will out, and the two of them picked up Carmilla’s limp form, carrying her off. My head was pounding to the beat of my heart, a slow steady thump ringing in my ears. My eyes closed, and the world went black.


	11. Chapter 11

_“Laura,” my mothers voice floated up the stairs as I fastened the small clip into my hair, pulling back my bangs._

_“Coming mommy,” I responded as I ran my hands down the front of my lavender dress to smooth out the remaining small wrinkles._

_I ran down the staircase, catching myself with the banister as I almost fell on the bottom couple steps. Standing in the entryway was a tall, slender woman with angular features and sharp, dark eyes, and three children. They all had dark hair and eyes, but the youngest two resembled the woman the most. My parents were standing off to the side, smiling at me as I turned to them, heat creeping up to my cheeps at the embarrassment I had just caused myself._

_“Laura,” my father started. “This is my boss, Ms. Morgan and her three children; Mattie, William, and Carmilla.” I turned and smiled at all of them sheepishly. Ms. Morgan smiled back, genuinely, but her oldest daughter, Mattie, who must have been a teenager, looked back at me with disinterest. William’s lips were curved into a small devilish grin that practically publicized that he was trouble. The smallest child, Carmilla, looked to be about my age, but she was standing behind her older brother, clinging to his hand._

_After introductions, we made our way into the dining room. My mother had been cooking all day, and had let me help where I could, but I was only 5 so the help was limited. My father and Ms. Morgan sat at the ends of the long dining table. My mother and I sat on one long side while Ms. Morgan’s children sat on the other. Carmilla sat herself in between her brother and sister, across from me. Throughout most of the meal she kept her eyes down on her plate, never speaking unless directly spoken to. But every now and then I would catch her deep brown eyes staring at me. She would quickly look away as soon as I brought mine up to meet hers._

_When we had finished dinner, I helped my mother clear all of the dishes before she went into the study with my father and Ms. Morgan, leaving me with Mattie, William, and Carmilla. Mattie pulled out a book as soon as our parents had left the room, retreating into the living room to read on the couch. William looked back and forth between Carmilla and me for a moment as we awkwardly stood in the entryway before leaving to turn on the television. My head was down and I was staring at my feet as I picked at a loose thread on the bottom of my dress. I could feel Carmilla’s eyes on me, and when I looked up her cheeks had a slight blush on them._

_“Would you like to play with my toys with me?” I asked in a rush. Carmilla just nodded, and I beckoned her to follow me upstairs. I ran into my room and jumped on top of my bed. Carmilla stood in the doorway, waiting hesitantly. “Are you just gonna stand there?” I asked, still bouncing on my bed. I watched a small grin quirk up the one corner of her mouth as she shook her head and made her way over to my bed._

_We played for what felt like hours. First we jumped on the bed, then we colored. Carmilla drew a picture of a cupcake and said it was a portrait of me. When my mother finally came up to tell us it was time for Carmilla to leave, we were already married with two children and a dog. I cried when Carmilla left, but she promised she would come back. That night, Carmilla Karnstein became my best friend._

_Carmilla and I spent almost every day together the summer after we met, then attended school together at the start of the fall. We were in every class together from Kindergarten through Middle School. There was hardly a day that passed that we didn’t see each other from the age of 5 until we were 14, and that included when Carmilla’s mother was killed. It had been hard on her, but I think Mattie leaving for college and William pushing her away was probably harder. She became the sibling I had always wanted, and I loved her._

_I never really knew how much, though. Not until my mother passed away in our last year of High School. I had fallen into this terrible depression, and Carmilla had been my saving light. She knew what it was like to lose a mother, but still suffered the loss of mine. She took on more of the burden than I could have ever asked from her, and brought back the only happiness I thought I’d ever feel again. I had always wanted to be a journalist but Carmilla was going to the Military Academy in the fall, and I couldn’t let her go. I joined the Army of the Republic when I was 17, and never looked back on the life I had always wanted for myself, because I had no life without Carmilla by my side._

_Things changed, though. My first day of classes at the Academy I met Danny Lawrence, and she was beautiful. She was two years ahead of me and wanted to be a sniper. I didn’t understand the draw, but I enjoyed how passionate she was. She kissed me one day after we had gone out for dessert, and it was nice, but something felt wrong about it._

_When I told Carmilla about Danny, she looked so defeated at first, but her expression quickly steeled and she feigned indifference. Her lack of interest confused me because she had always cared before. I tried to forget about it though, and act like nothing was different, but it was. Carmilla got more distant, which was hard because she was my roommate. I would come back to our room and find her in bed with this girl from down the hall or that girl from the library. I didn’t know how I was supposed to respond to the situation, but I felt like I was breaking in two._

_“You know, this is my room too, Carmilla.” I said, throwing her dirty clothes that littered the floor into the hamper that I had put at the end of her bed._

_“So?” She asked, not even bothering to look up from her book as she was lying out on her bed._

_“So it would be nice to come home, just once, without seeing your tongue down another girls throat!” Anger was rising inside me, though I wasn’t really sure why._

_“I didn’t know you cared so much where I put my tongue, Cupcake,” Carmilla drawled._

_“I,” I started, but I wasn’t sure how to continue. I didn’t care what Carmilla did, or whom she did it with, did I? “I don’t, I guess.” Carmilla just scoffed._

_“Of course you don’t,” she mumbled from behind her book._

_“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked far more ardently than I had meant to._

_“Forget it,” she said as she closed her book and set it down on her bed before moving to stand up. She grabbed her red flannel shirt off of the back of her desk chair and started walking toward the door._

_“Why do you keep doing this?” I asked her as her fingers curled around the doorknob.  
“I’m not doing anything, Creampuff.” She was standing in front of the door, arm still outstretch._

_“You’ve been pushing me away for months, Carmilla.” Her fingers dropped from the doorknob, and I watched her take in a deep shaky breath. “You’re supposed to be my best friend, but you won’t even talk to me.” I could feel my shoulders shaking, and I don’t know if it was from anger or sadness._

_“Laura-“ she started._

_“No,” I said as she turned around. “Don’t ‘Laura’ me. I came here for you, Carmilla, because I needed you. But you’ve been treating me like I’m just your stupid roommate.” I could see the blurry tears that were threatening to spill from my eyes._

_“You’re not just my roommate,” was all she said._

_“Really?” My voice had gotten high and squeaky. “Because friends actually care about each other and don’t just act like the other person doesn’t even exist.” Carmilla took a hesitant step towards me as tears started spilling down my cheeks._

_“Cupcake,” she said as if it were supposed to be some kind of apology. I shook my head, and took a step back from her. “Laura, please.” She was standing right in front of me and her hands came up to cup my face. Her thumbs were brushing the tearstains from my cheeks, and she leaned forward putting her forehead against mine. “I’m sorry.”_

_Her arms were wrapping around my shoulders and pulling me closer to her. I was trying to put up a fight, but it was no use. Carmilla’s arms had always been my safe haven. My arms slid down from between out chests and snaked around her waist as I buried my head into the crook of her neck. The smell of cinnamon filled my lungs as I tried to take deep breaths to stop myself from crying._

_“What did I do to make you hate me?” I mumbled into her shirt. Carmilla pulled away, her eyes were wide with panic._

_“Cupcake, I could never hate you.” I knew from the guilt in her expression that she meant it, but that only made everything hurt worse._

_“Then why?” I asked. She bit her lip, and her eyes darted away from mine._

_“Because,” she started, staring down at her shoes as she absentmindedly played with a strand of my hair. “Because I love you,” she mumbled as her eyes came back up to meet mine._

_My brow furrowed in confusion, because of course Carmilla loved me. We had been best friends for 13 years. I loved her, too. She rolled her eyes at me and huffed. Then her hands were holding my face and she was leaning in until her lips were pressed against mine. They were warm and soft and still tasted like the hot chocolate she had been drinking when I had gotten home a little while ago. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest and there was this fluttering feeling in my stomach that I had sort of always accredited to Carmilla because she was the only one that ever made me feel it, though it had never been so obvious before. She pulled away, but I stayed frozen with shock. I breathed out an audible “oh” as my eyes opened and focused back on her._

_Her hands were on the sides of my head. Her fingers laced into my hair and her thumbs were gently stroking my cheeks. She had a hesitant look in her eyes, like she was trying to decide if she had crossed an irreplaceable boundary. I wasn’t sure how to respond, but the look in Carmilla’s eyes was quickly turning to sadness. Her hands started to slide down my face, and my heart felt like it was sinking with them. I did the only thing I could think of and reached my hand up to grab the back of her head and quickly crashed our lips back together. Carmilla went rigid for a moment, but quickly relaxed against me, her lips moving in perfect time with mine._

_A few hours later, we were a tangled mess of limbs sprawled out across my bed. My head was on Carmilla’s chest and her hand was drawing lazy patterns along my back. My cheeks hurt from the dopey smile that had been plastered on my lips since I kissed Carmilla back. She took her time covering every inch of my skin in whispers of her love, and I made sure to show her everything I had felt for her over the last 13 years. A part of me always knew I loved Carmilla as more than a friend, though I never thought she would feel the same._

_“Carm,” I said as I moved to look up at her. Her eyes were closed, and she just hummed her acknowledgement as she kept tracing her fingers along my skin. “You’re not going to leave me alone in your bed like you do every other girl, right?” Her hand stilled as she slowly opened her eyes._

_“Cupcake,” she said and she slowly sat up, bringing her face right up to mine. “Have you seen you?” I bit my lip, feeling my cheeks start to heat up. “There is no way I would ever leave you alone in my bed.” I giggled as she pressed her lips to my forehead. “In fact,” she started again, whispering as she littered my face with kisses. “I’m never going to leave this bed as long as you’re in it.” I laughed as her hair tickled the bare skin on my chest as she trailed sloppy kisses down my neck._

_She made her way back up, her head hovering a couple inches above mine. Her dark brown curls made a curtain around my head as her bangs tickled my forehead. I lifted my hand up to cup her cheek, my thumb dragging across her bottom lip. I could close my eyes and see Carmilla’s face in perfect detail, but no memory of her compared to this moment._

_My arms were sticking straight up over my head as a long white dress was being pulled down my body. The top was being held open so it wouldn’t ruin the illustrious hairdo that took almost two hours to do. I opened my eyes as the flowing skirt slid down to see Perry staring at me with tears in her eyes. I smiled at her as she wiped the back of her hand along her cheeks. She smiled back, wrapping her arms around me as she told me how beautiful I was._

_There was a soft knock on the door, and we both turned to see my father standing in the doorway, beaming at us. He walked over to me and wrapped me into a bear hug like he always used to when I was a child. Lifting me up and spinning me around once before gently putting me back on the ground. Perry politely excused herself, reminding me that I only had ten minutes until the ceremony was supposed to start before leaving the room._

_“You look beautiful, Laura.” I felt ridiculous. I was used to military wear. I rarely ever wore dresses, especially anything this fancy. But this was the most important day of my life, so it called for something a little superfluous._

_“You don’t look too bad yourself,” I mumbled into chest. He chuckled, and I tugged on the front of his tux._

_“Your mother always said I cleaned up nice.” His smile never fell, but I watched as it stopped reaching his eyes at the mention of my mother. I looked down at the white flats that were peeking out from underneath my dress, bouncing awkwardly on the balls of my feet. My father’s fingers curled under my chin, tipping my head up to look at him. “She would be so happy for you, Laura.” The happiness had returned to his eyes as he continued talking. “You know, she was the one who told me this was all going to happen. I didn’t believe her, of course, but she was always right.” I laughed softly, because it was true._

_“I wish she was here,” I said to him. He leaned down, placing a soft kiss to the crown of my head._

_“Me too, sweetheart,” he said before pulling me back against his chest. Perry had come back, letting us know that the time had come for us to start. My father and I walked out of the room, following Perry outside. The smells of autumn filled my lungs as I stepped out into the warm September air._

_There was soft music playing as we walked around to the back of the house. There were rows of chairs set up on either side of a long aisle. My arm was wrapped in my father’s as we began walking down it slowly. On either side of us were smiling faces of family and friends. Perry was standing off to the side opposite LaFontaine, both of whom were smiling at me, but my eyes were focused on the person in front of me. Standing at the end of the aisle was Carmilla, a small grin curving up the corner of her mouth. She was wearing a form fitting black suit with soft white trim that matched the color of my dress. Her dark brown curls were draped around her shoulders and her bangs were brushed out of her eyes._

_When my father and I got to the end of the aisle, he gave me one last hug and kiss then leaned in and kissed Carmilla on the top of the head before walking over to his seat in the front row. Carmilla took my hands, her thumbs rubbing small, soothing circles on the backs of them. Kirsch was standing behind us, a goofy grin on his face as he started the ceremony. I kept my eyes focused on the dark brown ones that were staring back at me the entire time, especially when reciting my vows._

_“Carmilla Karnstein,” I started, ignoring Perry as she tried to hand me the piece of paper that I had written everything on. “I have been in love with you since the first time you asked me to marry you when we were 5 years old. I didn’t know then that one game of house was going to turn into a lifetime, but I wouldn’t change a single moment for the world.” I started, squeezing her hands a little as I spoke. “You have been my rock and my heart for as long as I can remember, and I can’t wait for us to continue the game we never finished.”_

_“Laura Hollis,” Carmilla started, swinging our arms from side to side. “I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. You came running down the stairs with such excitement that you nearly fell down the last two steps. I thought I was going to have to save you, but you caught yourself in the nick of time.” Carmilla’s lips were quirked up into a grin, and I felt heat rising to my cheeks. “You have always kept me on my toes, and even though you always manage to catch yourself, I want you to know that I will always be there if you can’t.”_

_The moment Kirsch pronounced us, our lips came crashing together. Carmilla’s arms snaked around my back as she dipped me down. I giggled as I came back up, pulling myself against her. We turned and walked back down the aisle together, as close as we possibly could while still being able to move. By the end of the night it didn’t matter how fancy the dress was or Carmilla’s suit, they both just ended up on the floor._

_“Hello?” I heard a rough voice say from the phone receiver._

_“LaFontaine?” I asked, panic evident in my voice._

_“L? What’s wrong?” The roughness was still there, but they sounded far more alert._

_“I’m sure that I’m just crazy, and probably mixed up her schedule or something, but I just wanted to call and make sure. Though judging from your voice I probably already know the answer,” I rambled. I heard a soft sigh from the other end and quickly asked the question I had intended. “Carmilla isn’t with you, is she?”_

_There was a brief pause before they answered. “No. I haven’t seen her all day, actually.”_

_“Oh,” I breathed out as my chest started to tighten. I could see my eyes welling with tears and I didn’t know if it was out of panic or not. I took a deep breath before continuing. “I’m sorry I bothered you,” I whispered._

_“I’m sure she’s fine, L. It’s Carmilla,” they offered reassuringly. I nodded before chocking out a ragged “goodbye.”_

_It was Carmilla though, and that was the problem. Carmilla was reckless, temperamental, and had a nasty habit of getting herself in trouble, mainly because she didn’t take orders well. After we graduated the Academy, she followed in her brother’s footsteps and joined what we all referred to as the Styria Six. Operation Styria was actually a covert operative unit started by Vordenberg when he took power. It was comprised of 6 two-man teams that were all under cover in different areas of the world gaining intelligence. Carmilla and William were the domestic team, but every now and then were sent out on missions outside of The Republic. I had also joined Operation Styria, being personally invited by Baron Vordenberg. I was not, however, a field operative. I was a strategist. I planned nearly all of the missions carried out by the Styria Six teams, and knew about all of them. Carmilla was not on a mission._

_The following morning when I arrived at work, worse for ware from a complete lack of sleep from the night before, I had a notice on my desk from Vordenberg. It told me to meet him in one of the old interrogation rooms. They were located in the abandoned tunnels that ran throughout the Capital. They had been used by smugglers under the old government and had fell into disuse. Though they were public knowledge, no one dared venture in them for fear of collapse. The government hadn’t started these rumors of danger, though they did little to quell them. Vordenberg preferred to use the abandoned tunnels to conduct his more unethical businesses.  
I hated the tunnels. They were dark, dank, and had a very ominous feeling to them. You could never quite shake the cold that seeped into your bones as you passed through them. The screams that were coming from the interrogation room I was heading toward didn’t help the feeling much, either. It was common knowledge for us that Vordenberg had some creative ways of getting people to talk, but it was also never discussed. We looked the other way like we had been ordered to the day we joined the military._

_I pulled open the door to the observation room, taking in my surroundings. There were two soldiers sitting in front of recording equipment who didn’t even acknowledge my entrance. Standing in front of the observation glass, however, was a tall man in a white lab coat that I remembered seeing at the hospital when I was a child, and President Vordenberg. I took a step inside of the room, letting the door shut behind me._

_“You asked to see me, sir?” I asked Vordenberg._

_“Ah Major Hollis,” he greeted. He had an almost sadistically sweet smile plastered on his face. “Thank you for meeting me.” I nodded as he continued. “It would appear that there is a mole inside your unit that has been sharing Republic secrets to some very dangerous people.”_

_I furrowed my brow as I took a step toward the observation window that he had gestured to as he spoke. Sitting on a metal chair directly across from me was Carmilla. Her skin was paler than usual, and there was blood dripping down her face. Her uniform was tattered and torn, and her hands were tied behind her back. She was covered in cuts and bruises but there was still a snarky grin on her lips. Standing in the room with her were Theo Straka and Mel Callis, Vordenberg’s interrogators. My breath caught in my chest, and I swore my heart had stopped beating. I took another step forward, pressing my hand to the glass._

_I could hear her and Theo arguing with each other. His rage growing more obvious with every word Carmilla spoke. My heart was racing, and my stomach was tied in knots as I watched the grin on Carmilla’s face turn to worry._

_“If you ever lay so much as a finger on my wife, I will kill you.” I heard her spit out at him. He was bending down in front of her, his face mere inches from hers. He whispered something to her and I watched her laugh._

_“Now, tell me what you told them and maybe I will let your beautiful wife know to expect you home for dinner.” He nodded his head toward me and I could see a light turn on out of the corner of my eye. Carmilla was looking down, but as she raised her head up her eyes met mine. I stood there, frozen. Her eyes were wide and full of horror. Her mouth moved and I knew my name was on her lips. Tears were stinging my eyes as she turned to him._

_“Go fuck yourself,” she rasped out._

_Theo’s arms came down, the club in his hand striking Carmilla’s face. Her head turned and I watched as her blood spattered across the wall in front of me. I felt myself scream, as I tried to run to her. There were arms around me, holding me in place. It took both of the soldiers that had been sitting in the room to hold me down. The doctor came up behind me, a long syringe in his hand. He shoved it in my neck, releasing a cool liquid into my bloodstream. My body went numb, and I immediately felt myself start to drift._

_“One day you will understand, Major.” Vordenberg said as my eyes closed. Within seconds, I was surrounded by darkness._

 

I woke with a gasp, my heart racing in my chest. The room was dark, but I could hear the whirring of the machines around me. I looked around, trying to figure out where I was. Despite it being night out, I could see the small familiar lights of The Compound out of the large glass window to my right. Within seconds, the door to my room flew open, and the lights were being turned on. LaFontaine was looking at me, concern in their eyes.

“Laura?” They asked hesitantly. My breaths were still ragged as I tried to sit up.

“Carmilla,” I said, leaning forward. “Where’s Carmilla?” My eyes were trained on them, and I could tell they were uncomfortable.

“They took her,” was all LaFontaine said. I started pulling out my IVs and detaching all of my monitors as I tried to stand up.

“Laura wait!” LaFontaine said, rushing over to help me as I started bleeding after ripping out the IV in my arm. “What do you remember?” They asked, forcing me back on the bed. I looked up into their soft blue eyes, my hands clenching into fists.

“Everything.”


	12. Chapter 12

“Everything?” They asked. “What do you mean, everything?” They were looking at me quizzically and I knew I should probably be more descriptive.

“I mean everything, LaF.” Their eyes widened as I spoke. “I remember you and Perry. I remember that my father used to work for Lilita Morgan before she was overthrown. I remember how I met Danny and Kirsch, and how pretentious Mattie has always been. But most importantly, I remember seeing my _wife_ being beaten and tortured until she was unconscious.” Their mouth was hanging open and their eyebrows were raised as high as they could go.

“How?” Was all they said.

“I don’t know.” I stood from the bed, pacing as I spoke. “The woods were some type of trap. Theo was there. He stabbed me in the neck with something like they had done when they wiped my memories.” I recalled everything I could remember to LaFontaine about the events leading up to my memory lose and right before I had regained them. My hands gesticulating wildly as I paced around the room. “It was like I saw my whole life flash before me. Everything that was missing was playing through my head like some kind of movie. It happened so fast.” I said looking back at LaFontaine. They had a sheepish look on their face that made me stop moving. “It was fast, right?” 

“Well,” they started as I frantically began looking around the room for anything that could tell me what day it was. “You’ve been asleep for awhile,” they continued, looking down at the floor as they spoke.

“How long?” I asked. They looked back up at me, opening their mouth, but closing it quickly. “How long, LaFontaine?” I asked again, a little more forcefully.

“Three days,” they said quietly. 

I felt my heart sink in my chest as I slowly sat back down on the hospital bed. Tears were welling in my eyes as the image of a bloodied and bruised Carmilla flooded my brain. They had nearly killed her in one night last time, and it had been three. My hands were clenched in the sheet as my mind began to race. 

“Take me to him,” I said. LaFontaine’s face was filled with shock and they started to stutter.

“Ta-take you to who?” They stammered, trying to avoid my gaze.

“Whoever Carmilla told you I wasn’t ready to meet.” I said matter-of-factly. They weren’t aware that I had over heard their conversation a few days ago, until now.

“L, I don’t think that’s the best-“ they started but were quickly cut off.

“LaFontaine, I’m not stupid,” I started. “I know Mattie isn’t the main person in charge around here. I’m sure that’s whom you were all talking about me not being ready to meet, and Carmilla was right, I wasn’t ready. But if there is any chance that Carmilla is still alive then I need to save her.” They stared at me for a moment, contemplating. “Please, LaFontaine,” I begged. “I can’t lose her again,” I whispered.

I watched as they swallowed thickly, then nodded. I breathed out a small sigh of relief before standing from the bed. LaFontaine walked out of the room, coming back a few moments later with a fresh change of clothes. I got dressed quickly, then followed LaFontaine out of the hospital room. Perry was sitting on a chair next to door when we came out, along with Danny and Kirsch. Perry jumped up and opened her mouth to speak, but one look from LaFontaine and a slight shake of their head and she quickly closed it. She fell in step behind us, Kirsch and Danny also following, and we made our way out of the hospital and weaved through the streets of The Compound.

We followed LaFontaine to the tall building that was covered in glass where the unit typically met. As I walked toward the door, I caught a glimpse at my reflection in the mirrored glass windows. My long blonde hair was pulled back, revealing a dark bruise on my neck from where Theo’s hand had been holding me. Other than that, I looked the same as I always had, but there was a fierceness in my eyes that even I didn’t recognize. 

We made our way to the elevator, but instead of pressing the button for the floor we normally went to, LaFontaine opened up a small control box to the right and inserted a key into it. When they turned the key, the elevator started to move, fast. I felt a swooping in my stomach as the elevator came to a stop, and a small bell tolled as the door opened. LaFontaine took out their key and closed the control panel before exiting the elevator followed by Perry, Danny, Kirsch and then myself.

We were standing in a long, empty hallway. I turned to start walking toward the door on the opposite end of us, but was quickly stopped by a hand grabbing my wrist. I turned to see LaFontaine looking at me, and almost panicked look on their face. They gave a slight shake of their head as the door opened. I heard the click of her heels before my head turned to meet Mattie’s emerging figure. When she stopped in front of us, her lips curved up into a slight smile as her hands rested on her hips.

“Why if it isn’t the Justice Squad!” She exclaimed. Her grin was almost devilish, as she looked over each of us. “Here to get another one of our best soldiers captured?” She sneered, her eyes landing on me. I clenched my jaw; trying to push back the tears I felt stinging the corners of my eyes. I felt Perry’s comforting hand on my shoulder as LaFontaine stepped forward to address Mattie.

“It’s time,” was all they said. Mattie’s expression was stoic, but her eyes were filled with apprehension. They flitted over me, coming back up to meet mine. The corner of her mouth quirked up as she stepped aside and motioned for us to make our way to the door. 

My feet started moving before I realized no one else was. I could hear the gentle thumping of my boots hitting the tile floors echoing in the emptiness around me. As I reached the door, I turned around to see everyone staring at me. I turned the handle, pushing the door open, and stepped inside of the dimly lit room.

It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the near darkness after the door closed to the bright hallway. I was standing in a large, empty office; a single lamp sitting on the oversized desk in front of me lighted it. Glass windows that stretched from the ceiling to the floor ran the length of two of the four walls. I walked around the desk, and took in the view of nearly the entire Compound. Though it was blanketed by the night sky, the soft glow of the street lamps gave it an almost eerie feel.

“It’s haunting, isn’t it?” A deep voice asked from behind me. I turned, to see a tall, burly figure standing off in the shadows. I strained my eyes, but could not make out a face. I just nodded, then turned back to the view in front of me. “So dark, but so peaceful all at the same time.” The voice was echoing in my head, and I felt a warm familiar feeling bubble in my chest at the tone. “But you always were attracted to darkness, weren’t you.” 

The man was standing next to me, facing out the window. I felt my mouth tug into a smile at his words, as an image of a young Carmilla filled my mind. I had always hated when people compared her to darkness when we were younger, because I always thought it was something dangerous to be afraid of. As I got older, I realized that it was just another beautiful thing, like the light. 

“Someone once told me that opposite’s always attract,” I responded. I heard a soft chuckle come from the man next to me, and the warmth in my chest spread through the rest of my limbs. 

When I turned, I was met with warm golden brown eyes that twinkled from the city lights below us. The man’s lips were curved up into a soft, sincere smile. A dark brown beard covered his face, but I could still see the small wrinkles at the sides of his eyes. It felt almost like a dream from the past as I stared at the man in front of me. For a split second it felt like the world had stopped.

“Dad,” I said as he reached out his hand. I wrapped my arms around him as he pulled me into a tight embrace. I leaned my head against his chest, and didn’t hold back as the familiar sting of tears rimmed my eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Laura,” he whispered into my ear as his arms squeezed around me. 

“I thought you were dead,” I sobbed into his shoulder. I heard his sharp intake of breath as his arms loosened around me. He took a step back, and I could see the sadness in his eyes. He didn’t say anything as I reached up to wipe my eyes. “Let me guess,” I started after another moment of silence. “You did it to protect me?” The question came out through gritted teeth, and he turned his head away as I asked it.

“Laura, you don’t understand everything-“ he started, staring back out the window.

“Well how do you expect me to?” I yelled out of frustration. “No one tells me anything. You all treat me like I’m some fragile little girl. I was a soldier, and a damn good one! I can handle myself,” I felt my cheeks flush at the bubbling anger inside of me, and though my father my have deserved my yelling, I quickly regretted the way I had spoken to him when I saw the small twinkle of pride in his eyes and the soft smile quirking up the corner of his lips.

“You’re right,” he started as he put his hand on my shoulder. He then motioned for me to sit down at the seat across his desk. After I was seated, he looked at me with a soft expression and asked, “What would you like to know?”

I opened my mouth, but the words wouldn’t come out. My mind was racing with memories and questions. I tried to pick apart the different pieces of what I could remember and what everyone had told me. I didn’t have a lot of time, so this all needed to be concise. 

“You worked for Lilita Morgan, Carmilla’s mother.” My father nodded at the vocalization of my thoughts. 

“I was her most trusted advisor,” my father added. “Before she was elected President of The Republic, she was the leader of the militia group that had taken power of the country. I had been Lilita’s second in command, and when she took over as President, her primary Army General. Vordenberg had been the main propriety supporter of the militia group, and we had always known that he wished to take over politically once the war was won. He managed to turn enough of our supporters against us, and took over. Before Lilita even took office, we had established a sort of contingency plan in case she was over thrown or somehow lost the election.”

“So this is your ‘contingency plan’?” I asked, gesturing out the window to The Compound. 

“Part of it,” my father answered. “It was a very intricate plan, with multiple fail safe options.” I waited for him to continue, patiently clinging to the edge of my seat. “When Lilita took office, we got a team of scientists to deem the Northeastern portion of the country more of less unfit for living. As you have probably noticed, it is far from it. We needed an area to regroup, and build our defenses.”

“How did Vordenberg not know?” I asked, and my father just chuckled. 

“Baron Vordenberg is a very smart man, Laura. But, he is also very arrogant. As I’m sure Carmilla explained, he always knew that there were those who opposed him, but never knew to what magnitude. Until he managed to intercept a small bit of encrypted information a few years back, that is.” My father stopped speaking, waiting for his words to sink in. “He also never realized how devoted I had been to Lilita until then, and so we left. William and I managed to make it out of the city before being caught, but Carmilla refused to leave you.” 

“So it’s my fault?” I asked, as my voice began to shake as the same image of a battered and bloodied Carmilla rose to the surface of my mind. My father sighed, and walked around to sit on his desk in front of me.

“No, Laura,” his voice was soft, but stern. He clasped my shoulder and I looked up at him. “None of this was your fault.”

“Then where do I fit in?” I whispered, as I tried to piece together everything my father had told me.

“You were the one thousand and first piece to a one thousand piece puzzle,” my father said with a gentle smile. “This was never supposed to be your life, Laura. Your mother and I never wanted this for you. But the day you met Carmilla, I knew that everything was going to change, I just didn’t know how to plan for it.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Lilita’s children were raised to be soldiers. Their destiny’s had been chosen for them before they were even born, and they all knew it. When she died, they were all informed of the plan their mother and I had laid out, to some degree. Mattie was old enough to understand most of it, and has been walking in her mother’s footsteps ever since. William and Carmilla learned more as they got older, but they were always spies. You were the one obstacle we couldn’t have predicted. I never thought you would have joined the Army or begin working for Vordenberg. Certain parts of the plan had to be doctored so that we didn’t accidentally get you caught up in anything. Your connection to Vordenberg, unfortunately, became too important to our cause.”

“I ordered Carmilla to keep everything from you. I was worried that if Vordenberg ever found out about us all, that he would use you. I know that’s probably the last thing you would have wanted, but we knew he had a soft spot for you and thought he would spare you. None of us could have ever known,” he said, staring back out of the window. “I know you probably blame me, and you should, but don’t hold any of this against Carmilla. She loves you. We all love you. I was the one that convinced her this would keep you safe.”

My chest tightened when he mentioned Carmilla’s name and my hands began to shake. Whether it was from anger or nerves I wasn’t sure. I bit down on the inside of my cheek as I let my father’s words run through my mind. I didn’t blame him; I didn’t blame anyone, except Vordenberg. Maybe my father’s acts caused it, but Vordenberg was the one who took my life away from me, and the people who mattered the most to me.

“I don’t blame you,” I whispered into what felt like empty air. “But I can’t just sit here and wait for you to decide when it’s time for this ridiculous plan to finally come to an end.” I added, standing from my chair so I was as tall as his sitting form. “I need to find her.”

“Laura, I’m not letting you-“

“Letting me?” I asked incredulously. “I’m not a child. You don’t get to make decisions for me anymore.” My blood felt like it was boiling with every heated, biting word. “Carmilla and I were married for _six weeks_ before they took her from me and completely erased her from my memory. Then I spent two years without her, not even knowing who she was. I’m not going to lose her again.”

“It’s too dangerous!” My father screamed.

“I don’t care!” I replied, my voice matching his. “I would go to war with God to get her back.”

“And that’s exactly what you would be doing!” He said as he slammed his hand down on the desk. His eyes had an almost fire behind them as he store across the room at me. I watched as his anger slowly dissipated, and he sighed. “Laura,” he whispered. I looked up at him, and he continued. “You can’t just run in there without a plan.”

“I can help with that,” a smooth voice said from behind me. I turned in my chair to see Will leaning against the doorframe; Mattie and the rest were lingering in the hallway behind him. “I’ve got an idea,” he started. His lips quirked up into an almost devilish grin, “but it’s a little crazy.”


	13. Chapter 13

“Is this going to work?” I asked nervously, as my feet shuffled along.

“No,” Will responded in a casual tone. “Probably not. But it’s a little too late to worry about it now.”

That was an understatement, to say the least. Will and I were walking through one of the tunnels that lead into the city center of Silas, the Capital of The Republic. The particular tunnel we were in lead underneath the Silas Public Library and into the old subway system. The subway system was the easiest way for us to move around within the city, without actually being in the city. They ran farther underneath the city than the tunnels used by Vordenberg, and aside from the occasional adventurist, were never occupied. 

Will’s plan was pretty straightforward. The Compound was to the north of Silas, so that border was the one that was most heavily guarded. LaFontaine and J.P. set up a sort of diversion along the border, while Danny, Kirsch, Will and I were dropped just outside the southern side of the city. Will and I went through one tunnel, while Danny and Kirsch went in through another. Both led into the center of the city but while ours headed to the Library, theirs went directly under the Capital Building, which, if all went according to plan, they were going to blow up.

“You seem rather fidgety, Hollis,” I heard Will sneer from behind me as I readjusted the holster of my gun for the twelfth time in as many minutes. I clenched my jaw, gripped my gun until my knuckles were white, then forced myself to relax.

“I’m sorry, William,” I bit through gritted teeth. “I’m not really sure how you expect me to act when my wife is probably dead and I’m walking toward my imminent death if this all doesn’t work out.” 

“She’s my sister, and I’m headed toward the same fate as you.” He let out a derisive laugh and as I turned my head I saw him shrug. “Funny how things work out.” I felt my brow knit in confusion, and his lips quirked up into the same devilish grin he had when we were kids. “I never really imagined a situation where you and I would be working together for any type of common goal.”

“Believe me,” I started, turning back around. “You weren’t my first choice of partners, either.”

“You always were such a smooth talker, Hollis.” I let out a small huff, blowing my bangs out of my face as I did. “Laura,” he said as I felt his hand grab my wrist. I stopped, turning to face him again. He had a soft expression on his face, one I had never seen before and until this moment didn’t know he was capable of. “Listen,” he started as he dropped my wrist and moved his hand to the back of his neck. “I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye on things, but I love my sister, and I’m willing to do whatever I have to in order to get her back and safe. I just,” he dropped his hand, and his shoulders sagged slightly. He looked at me and his eyes were almost pleading. “I just need you to trust me, okay?”

I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it quickly, unsure of what to actually say. Something inside of me told me that I shouldn’t trust Will, because I never had, but I needed to believe what he was saying. He was Carmilla’s brother. Why wouldn’t he want to save her? I nodded, and an almost shy smile curved up the corner of his lips. It was moments like this were I couldn’t even pretend that he and Carmilla weren’t related, because they looked so much alike, and I felt my heart clench in my chest thinking that I may never see that same smile from Carmilla again. I turned around quickly, bringing my hand up to wipe the tears that had managed to leak from my eyes away before Will could see, then continued walking.

Somehow, we made it to the old subway system passageways relatively easy, though the climb downward had been shaky. The access point had been covered with rumble that took us longer than expected to move and a few of the ladder rungs were rusted out and gave way when our weight was put on them. We both slipped on multiple occasions, though managed to get away with only a couple scraps. The one positive of the treacherous climb was that it was pretty safe to assume no one would know we were moving around underneath the city.

The subway tunnels were eerily quiet aside from the steady dripping of water, and the only light was coming from the flashlights we were carrying in our hands. The walls were wet, and the air was warm and muggy making it harder to breath. I could feel where my shirt was sticking to my body from the layer of sweat that was seeping from my skin. My mouth had gone completely dry, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the heat or nervousness. 

We were almost to the center of the city when I felt Will’s hand grab at my wrist. When I turned, his flashlight was off and he was turning off mine as well. We were completely encased in darkness, and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust. I could barely make out him holding a finger to his lips then moving it to his ear. I nodded, then turned back to peer around the corner we had stopped in front of. There were beams of light dancing along the wall, about a quarter of a mile down from us. I strained my ear, and I could hear muffled voice and the quiet movement of far off footsteps on the stone ground. I immediately reached down for my gun, but the holster was empty. Suddenly, there was a hand covering my mouth and another hand was holding my wrists tight against my back. My heart was hammering in my chest and the sound of my blood pumping in my head was almost too thunderous that I couldn’t hear the footsteps growing louder.

“Laura, I need you to listen to me,” Will whispered in my ear as I struggled to free myself from his grasp. “Laura, please!” His tone was gently pleading but threatening all at the same time. I stopped thrashing against him and watched as the lights now shined on the wall in front of us. “I don’t have time to explain everything, but I need you to trust me.”

The footsteps were getting closer, and the lights were brighter. I needed to make a decision and fast. My stomach was in nervous knots as I relaxed my body against Will’s and nodded. He moved his hand from around my mouth, I assumed as a gesture of good faith, but kept his hold on my hands. He quickly put some type of cloth sack over my head, distorting my vision, then bound my wrists together. 

My mind was reeling, as I tried to hold myself up. My body was still slumped back into Will's, as he held onto my forearms. He leaned forward, whispering something in my ear, though I didn’t hear it. The footsteps were now discernible from the rest of the empty noise that had surrounded us, and I could hear the voices of at least 3 different people. The only indication I had that this may not be a trap was the gentle stroke of Will’s thumb along right forearm as we stood in waiting. I took one final breath, before a bright light was shining directly at me.

A familiar, sinister laugh echoed through the tunnels, and I felt myself stiffen against Will. “I was starting to think you were trying to trick me, Luce.” Will let out a small huff behind me, and I could imagine the smirk that was probably plastered on his face.

“I wasn’t going to make it easy on you, Straka.” Will’s tone was almost playful, but there was a small bite to it that gave me some reassurance that he knew what he was doing. “I have what you want,” Will growled, the playfulness now missing. “Where’s my sister?”

“She’s safe,” Theo said back, his voice sounding amused, “for now.” I felt my heart stop in my chest. It was a threat, and I could picture the stupid, twisted grin that was pulling up the corners of his mouth right now, taunting me. I took a step forward, but was immediately pulled back by Will’s arm wrapping around my waist.

“Not yet,” he whispered harshly in my ear. I let my head drop, and could hear Theo’s laugh echoing around me again.

“If you want your sister Luce, you’re going to have to come with us.” I felt Will’s grip around me tighten, and his breath quicken against my neck. He wasn’t expecting this.

“That wasn’t apart of the plan, Straka,” Will’s voice was steady, but I could pick up on the nervousness in his tone.

“Plans change,” was all Theo said. 

Will’s fingers were tapping against my hip impatiently, but after a moment he growled out a short, “fine,” as we began shuffling forward. After about 10 steps, I felt another pair of hands wrap around my arm before being pushed away. “Get off of her,” Will snarled, almost territorially as his grip tightened around me and he hugged me closer to his body.

“Now, now Luce,” Theo started. He was standing right in front of me, and I could almost make out his shadowy figure underneath the material covering my head. “We had a deal.” 

“Not until I see my sister,” Will responded, taking his hand off of my waist.

“Very well”, Theo said before stepping to the side. “Let’s go.”

There were two people walking in front of us, and Theo following behind us. Will kept a firm grip around my wrists, but every now and then I would feel his thumb swipe across the back of my hand or along my arms just above my wrist. We were walked to an elevator that took us from the subway tunnels to the old passageways underneath the city center. The air was far less heavy the closer we got, but I was buzzing with too much nervousness to be able to breath properly. 

I could feel my heart beating unsteadily in my chest, and aside from the soft sounds of footsteps walking on stone the only thing I could hear was the rushing of blood to my head. Every nerve in my body felt like it was on edge with anticipation, but I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I tried to force away with every step. I tried to focus my attention on the musty smell of the tunnels, and the cool air that blew against the exposed skin of my arms as I walked. Anything to keep my mind from picturing a bloodied and bruised Carmilla alone somewhere I couldn’t get to.

We came to an almost abrupt stop, and I could just make out a door in front of me. Theo stepped forward, pushing Will and I out of his way in order to open it. Bright light flooded out of the room, and I’m sure if I hadn’t had the material over my face it probably would have blinded me. Will walked me into the room, but I felt my wrists being tugged away from his grasp the farther in I walked. I turned around when I could no longer feel him behind me, but was stopped by a hand on my shoulder. 

Suddenly the material was being pulled off of my head, and I was standing face-to-face with Theo Straka. There was a devilish glint in his eyes, and an almost manic smile pulling up the corner of his lips. Will was behind him, being held back by the other two soldiers that had been with us, neither of whom I recognized. He was straining against them, though I could tell it was a battle he was going to lose.

“We had a deal, Straka!” Will shouted as he pulled one of his arms free and reached out for Theo.

Theo turned, the smile never leaving his lips. “I lied,” he said cavalierly. I watched as one of the soldiers kicked Will in the back of the leg and he fell down to his knees. He looked up at me, something almost like panic in his eyes. His arm was pulled back behind him, and he winced in pain. “Take him to his sister,” Theo said as he turned back around to face me.

“Then what?” One of the soldiers asked. I watched as Theo’s smile grew wider, and his eyes darkened.

“Kill them both,” he said as he stared me directly in the eyes. I looked over at Will; whose eyes were wide with fear. I started to move towards him, pulling the binds on my hands, but Theo blocked my way. The soldiers grabbed Will underneath his arms and began dragging him out of the room. He thrashed against them, kicking out, but it was no use. The door slammed shut, and Theo and I were left alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Sorry this chapter took so long. Hopefully the next one will be up soon!


	14. Chapter 14

My eyes darted around the room looking for a way to escape, but the only way out was through the door Will had just been dragged out of. Theo was standing in front of me, cracking his knuckles as he slowly started to walk toward me. The left corner of his mouth was curved up into and almost sinister grin as his eyes narrowed at me. I could feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest. 

With every step Theo took toward me I took one back, slowly inching myself to the wall. As I was manically tried to free my wrists from their binds behind my back, something fell into my open palm. I wrapped my fingers around it, and felt the edges cut into my palm. After one more pull on my fastened wrists, they loosened enough for my hands to slip out. I held onto the ropes, keeping them hidden behind my back as I backed up against the wall. Theo was standing about a foot away from me. He had a long knife that he was twirling against the tip of his index finger.

“Vordenberg wants you alive for some ridiculous reason,” he said. His eyes flickered down to the knife then back up to mine. “It’s a shame, really. I was truly looking forward to killing you.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” I bit back at him. His eyes narrowed, and an almost vicious grin pulled at his mouth.

“He just said he wanted you back alive,” Theo continued as he stopped twirling the knife in his hand. “He never said you had to be as pretty.”

He held the knife up to my face, and it took everything in me not to tremble at the feeling of the cold metal against my skin. He pulled it down slowly, flicking it slightly against my chin. I saw the blood along the tip of the blade before I felt the sting of the air hit the cut. Theo’s smile broadened at my sharp intake of breath.

“By the time I’m done with you, even your meddlesome wife won’t recognize you,” Theo sneered as he brought the blade back up toward my face. “I never really understood what she saw in you.” He started to drag the blade down across my other cheek as he continued. “You were always so nosy and annoying, and, let’s face it Hollis, you’re a terrible soldier. But Carmilla,” he flicked the blade once more along my jaw, and I tried not to cringe at the pain. “Carmilla was a excellent soldier. Didn’t like her much, but I respected her. You on the other hand, well,” his eyes traveled down my body and when they snapped back up to meet mine his lips twitched. “You don’t even have the guts to kill someone.” 

He dragged his knife down to my neck, holding the sharp part of the blade against my throat. I swallowed down the knot that was forming in my chest in an attempt to find my voice.

“You’re right, Theo. I never wanted to be a soldier, and I always knew I was never on the same level as everyone else,” his eyes flashed with a small amount of surprise, and he the knife against my throat fell slightly as I spoke. “But I think you’ve underestimated what I’m willing to do to save Carmilla.” 

My fist came up, swinging at his face. The impact against his jaw sent a sharp pain up my arm. Theo staggered backward, his hands coming up to his face. When he pulled them away, I could see the blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. He wiped it away with the back of his hand, then lunged at me. I ducked down, and slide underneath him as he stumbled into the wall. When he turned around, his hands were up and he was standing ready to fight. I quickly twisted the rope around my one arm, keeping the sharp piece of rock in my hand hidden. Theo still had his knife, but he was always too over confident for his own good.

He started toward me again, but he anticipated my turn and his knife sliced through the thin fabric of my shirt, leaving a small gash on my upper arm. I could feel the warm blood trickling down my forearm, but tried to keep my attention focused on Theo, whose face was plastered with his typical smug grin. I didn’t wait for him to come at me again, instead sliding down between his legs, kicking out the back of his right knee as I went. As he fell, he dropped his knife and it skidded across the floor toward the door. He tried to push himself up, but I was faster. I wrapped the rope around Theo’s neck, pulling it tightly as he clawed at me.

“You seem to have forgotten, Theo,” I leaned down, whispering in his ear. “I was number one in my class in hand to hand combat.”

His neck was bleeding from where his nails were digging into his skin trying to loosen the rope around his neck. I could hear him gasping for breath, but I turned my head so I wouldn’t see his face, as it turned purple from lack of oxygen, or as his eyes began to bulge outward. After a few minutes, his body went limp against me. I dropped the rope, and Theo’s body feel forward to the floor. His eyes were still open and staring up at me as I ran toward the door. I grabbed the knife that was laying on the ground, tucking it into my belt just in case.

When I opened the door, I could hear voices come from down the corridor. The sound of running footsteps echoed off the walls. I quickly closed the door, and moved to stand off to the side of it, so I could get a jump on whoever opened it. Within a matter of seconds the door was pushed open, a familiar woman stepping through it. She took two steps into the room before I was behind her, holding the knife up to her neck.

“Laura wait!” I turned around with Mel still in front of me. Standing in the doorway was Will, his arms out toward me, and his eyes pleading for me to listen. “She’s on our side.” My arms were tightly wrapped around, but she didn’t struggle against my hold. “Laura, please let her go.” 

I dropped my arms, and Mel took a couple steps away from me. Instead of looking at me though, she began walking over to Theo. She knelt down, putting her fingers against his neck. I made my way over toward Will in the doorway, nearly pushing him aside to get out of the room, but he stood his ground.

“He’s dead,” she said as she stood up and turned around to face us. A small smile pulled at the corner of her lips, and her eyes appeared to be filled with something like pride. “I didn’t know you had it in you, Hollis.”

“People should really stop underestimating me,” I huffed before turning back to Will. “I need to get out of here. We need to find Carmilla.” Will’s face fell at the mention of his sister, and I felt my stomach drop with it.

“Laura, we already know where Carmilla is.” Will’s expression was blank, but like Carmilla his eyes spoke volumes. 

“Show me,” was all I said. Will’s eyes flickered over me to Mel. I was so close to him that I could see her nodding reflection in them. I watched as he clenched his jaw, before turning on his heels and walking out into the corridor.

I followed Will as we walked farther into the underground city center. Mel was walking next to me, glancing in my direction every so often. I kept a firm grip on the knife, just in case she tried to do anything other than walk, but she didn’t. With every step we took, I could feel my heart sinking lower and lower in my chest. I imagined Carmilla bound to a chair, covered in blood. I couldn’t shake the terrible feeling that she was dead, and I would do something drastic like start an uprising if she were. 

I became so focused on my own thoughts I didn’t notice where Will was leading me. Flickering bulbs began lighting our way, and I could see an elevator at the end of the corridor. Every nerve in my body was standing on end, and my blood felt like it was vibrating as it ran through my veins. Carmilla wasn’t locked up in one of the interrogation rooms underneath Silas, she was somewhere in the city. I held my breath as we rode up into the basement of the Capital Building. When the doors opened we were surrounded by at least a dozen guards with guns pointed directly at us.

“Stand down,” Mel ordered, stepping out in front of us. None of the guards dropped their weapons. “I said, stand down!” Two of the guards starting in the back shifted, and someone came walking in between them.

“Unfortunately Captain, they don’t take orders from you anymore.” My heart clenched in my chest, and for a moment I could have sworn it stopped beating. Standing directly in front of me, clad in Capital combat gear and wearing dark red lipstick was Carmilla.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short chapter, super sorry for the wait. I also didn't edit it to get it to y'all quicker. Hopefully I can have the next one out sooner.


	15. Chapter 15

“Carm.” Her name escaped my lips in a barely audible whisper. I moved to run to her, but Will grabbed my arm pulling me back.

“Laura, don’t.” It was all he had to say in order for me to take a closer look. It was Carmilla, but something was off. Her eyes were hazy, and her voice was far too harsh. The devilish smirk plastered on her lips was more sinister then it had ever been before.

“What’s the matter, Cupcake?” She asked, cocking her head to the side. “No kiss?” Her lips were pouting, but there was still an evil glint in her eyes. I just stood there, staring at her, unsure of what to do. “Pity,” she said as she shrugged her shoulders. She turned around, snapping her fingers, and the guards were moving to restrain us. I was far too stunned to even try to fight back as one of them pulled at my arm before dragging me along with them.

We made our way to the back staircases of the capital building; winding through the halls that were empty of working staff. It was far quieter than I remembered, in an eerie sort of way. Will and I walked side by side, with Mel directly behind us. There were two guards in front of us and four more behind us. Carmilla was leading the way down the barely lit hallways. 

“Look at her neck,” Will mumbled softly. My eyes fell onto the pale skin of Carmilla’s slender neck that was visible underneath her dark hair. There appeared to be a mark tattooed on her neck.

“Is that a bar code?” I whispered back. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Will nod.

“It’s how they’re controlling her,” Mel said behind us. It took everything in me to keep my feet moving and my head facing forward as she spoke. “There is some kind of neurotransmitter inside of the ink. It’s their improved version of mind control, after you were a clear failure.” She must have seen my jaw tense at her words because she quickly rushed out a, “no offence.” 

“So how do we fix it?” Will asked her. His brow was furrowed in concentration, like he was trying to figure it all out for himself.

“We have to find a way to disrupt the signal,” Mel murmured, quietly.

Will and I both nodded our understanding, though I had no idea what it all meant. I still hadn’t managed to get my head around what had happened to me, let alone some type of neurotransmitter controlling Carmilla’s mind. If LaFontaine were here, they would know what to do, but the only solution I could come up with was to somehow destroy that tattoo. 

My frustration must have been showing, because I felt Will’s hand wrap around my clenched fist. He gave it a gentle squeeze, and I felt myself relax a bit. I saw his mouth move, the word “breathe” forming on his lips. I slowly filled my lungs, releasing it with a nod as the corner of my lips forming a small, thankful smile. My hands began to relax, but Will never moved his away, instead lacing our fingers as we walked. It was odd. His hands were far bigger than Carmilla’s, and so much rougher, but comforting all at the same time.

We came to a stop a few moments later in front of two large, dark wooden doors. My jaw clenched, and my back stiffened as Carmilla pushed open the doors, leading us into the large, dimly lit office. It was nearly empty, aside from the oversized desk in the room’s center and a single chair turned to face out of the tinted window behind it. Despite the number of times I had been inside of this very room, it all felt so unfamiliar. It was darker than I remembered it, and far emptier. Even with the number of people standing around me, as that desk chair swiveled around, and those cold eyes stared back at me, I felt so alone.

“Ah, Captain Karnstein,” he started, an almost sadistic smile spreading across his lips. “You brought gifts.” There was a glint in his eyes that only added to the vicious look plastered on the older man’s face. 

My eyes found Carmilla as she moved to stand beside him. Her eyes were dark, and the corner of her lips was quirked up into a small grin that quickly turned into a scowl as her eyes met mine. I watched as her pupils dilated and her expression softened, then her jaw clenched and her eyes narrowed before she looked away from me. It was as if the sight of me had caused her pain. But the movement was so quick, that I began to question whether I even saw it at all. 

“It’s wonderful to see you again, Colonel Hollis.” His voice was as sickeningly sweet as I had remembered it. “Such a shame it had to be under such,” he gestured around to Will and Mel, then back to myself before sighing, “perfidious circumstances.”

“It’s a shame it had to happen at all,” I spat through gritted teeth.

“Now, now Fraulein.” He tusked as he leaned back in his chair, placing his clasped hands under his chin. “You were my most loyal soldier, once.”

“Only because you made her that way,” Will growled out beside me. My hand tightened in his as I felt him start to move forward. He stopped, swaying slightly, before I felt him go rigid again. I watched as Vordenberg’s eyes darted from me, to Will, down to our joined hands, and then back up to me. The momentary shock on his face was quickly replaced by a wicked grin.

“So nice to see the two of you finally getting along,” Vordenberg said. “I’m sure Carmilla is happy to see her wife and brother so close. Aren’t you, Captain Karnstein?” His hands dropped from under his chin, and moved to press something on his desk. 

I watched as Carmilla’s pupils began to expand again. Her brow knit in confusion as she began to look around. Her eyes focused on Will, then me. A small smile pulled up the corners of her mouth, and it was so Carmilla that I felt my heart leap out of my chest.

“Carm,” her name escaped my lips in the softest whisper. Before I even realized it, my feet were carrying me forward. I felt Will’s hand pulled me back, but I fought it. But Carmilla’s eyes saw our laced fingers came untied. Her smile fell and my feet stopped. As her eyes began to narrow again and her expression went blank, I felt Will’s arms pulling me away from her. Vordenberg began to laugh, manically, as I tried to fight against Will. “What did you do to her?” I began to scream at him. He just sat there, laughing. It was Mel’s voice that pulled me back.

“Laura, stop.” My body went limp in Will’s arms as she spoke. “This technology, it doesn’t erase Carmilla’s memories. It uses them against her. The more negative you act, the easier it is for him to manipulate her.” If Will hadn’t been holding me up, I would have collapsed to the floor. My lungs burned and my eyes stung as I tried not to sob.

“Very right you are, Major.” Vordenberg praised, as he began to stand. “You see Colonel Hollis, I always knew who Captain Karnstein and her brother really were, despite their attempts to conceal their true identities.” Will’s arms loosened slightly, and I began to slip, but he quickly tightened them again, pulling me up. “Yes, Major Luce, I knew that you were Lilita Morgan’s son, just as I knew that Carmilla was her young, misunderstood daughter. Your sister, Matska, may have managed to slip my grasp after your mother’s untimely death, but I made sure to keep a close eye on you and Carmilla.”

“You see, William,” he continued as he made his way around the desk, coming around to lean in front of it, his eyes never dropping Will’s gaze. “Your mother truly was a woman for the people. She believed that The Republic could be a great democracy like it once had been. Just and right. Well,” he paused, throwing his hands up, “call me a cynic, but I think the world needs a little chaos to survive. So,” he continued, shrugging his shoulders, “I created some.”

I found myself wrapped up in his story of how he started what would later lead to the coup that over threw Carmilla’s mother, forcing her family and closest advisors, like my father, into hiding. He started small, voicing a particular idea to a small group of people. Convincing them to discuss it with their governing leader. When she denied their seemingly simple request, he convinced them their voices weren’t being heard. Eventually one small group turned into many. All with different concerns, but all with the same belief, the people no longer had any say in the way that they were governed. 

“Lilita saw right through it all, of course. She never missed a thing, really.” His lips curved up into a scowl as his glare shifted toward me. “Especially with your pertinacious father always at her side.” His scowl quickly turned into a vicious smile as he continued. “They tried to stop me, of course. But the more effort they put into preventing me from ruining Lilita’s reign, the more they caused her downfall. With a few simple actions I managed to turn your mother into the one thing she tried to keep me from becoming: a dictator. Though,” he laughed as he out stretched his hands and gestured toward himself and the office. “Clearly, it didn’t stop me.”

“We get it,” I gritted out. “You manipulated everyone and turned them against Carmilla’s mother, inevitably causing her death.” Vordenberg clasped his hands, resting them in his lap as he listened to me speak. “But what does all of this have to do with your obsession with Will and Carmilla?”

“Ah,” he said as a small smirk pulled at the corner of his lips. “Yes, the kinder.” He pushed off from the desk and made his way back around it, stopping next to Carmilla’s rigid form. Her eyes were blank of all emotion, and it sent a shiver down my spin. “I had a feeling that Lilita had some kind of contingency plan, and I knew that with her dead the only way it could have been carried out was with her children.”

“I have to admit, Lilita did a marvelous job with it all. Creating such detailed false identities for you, and never trusting one of you with the entire plan. Even now, I’m certain that you don’t know how it all is supposed to end. I know Carmilla doesn’t,” he said as he reached over, pulling her hair back behind her shoulder. I felt myself lurch forward, but Will quickly grabbed my wrist before I could take a step. “Because if she did,” he continued as he gestured to the tattoo on her neck, “she would have told me. Isn’t that right, Carmilla?”

“Of course, President Vordenberg.” Carmilla’s voice sounded forced, though her reply came quickly.

“So you see, Colonel Hollis,” he lifted his hand, turning it, and stoking Carmilla’s cheek. I felt my stomach begin to turn, but my feet stayed glued in place. “I was doing what anyone would,” he dropped his hand and walked back over to his chair, sitting down. “I was keeping my enemies close. And you, Major Hollis, were a big help with that.”

“Me?” I asked, stunned.

“Oh, but of course.” The smile on Vordenberg’s face was doing little to quell the queasiness in my stomach. “Did you honestly think that you were given a position on my person guard because you were some kind of strategic savant?” My mind began to whirl, and my legs became weak. Will steadied me, but I could tell from the look on his face that he was only moments from crumbling as well. “Major Hollis, you were nothing but that ultimate pawn. William had always been out of my control, out of anyone’s control. But Carmilla had you, and humans do stupid things because of love.” 

The manic smile taking up Vordenberg’s face was quickly wiped away at the sound of an explosion and the slight tremor of an aftershock that rippled through the air. The distraction momentarily disoriented the guards surrounding us, enough so that Mel and Will managed to dispose of the two that were standing behind us. I turned to see them lying on the ground unconscious and stripped of their weapons. Vordenberg’s jaw way clenched, as he turned back around to face us.

“How?” He snarled. The corner of Will’s mouth quirked up into a small smile.

“You didn’t think we came alone, did you?” At the moment Will finished speaking, the larger wooden doors swung open. Danny and Kirsch standing with their guns pointed directly at Vordenberg. “Drop ‘em,” Will said to the two guards at Vordenberg’s side. They placed their guns on the ground and kicked them over to where we were standing. I watched at Carmilla stood motionless behind the desk. He hair still slung over her shoulder where Vordenberg had pushed it.

Danny moved from the doorway, holstering her gun before making her way over to Vordenberg. She reached into her pocket, pulling out a pair of metal handcuffs. My eyes were focused on Danny, maneuvering her way past the guards who were putting up no resistance. In my peripheral, I saw a quick movement as Vordenberg lunged toward his desk. As he moved, so did Carmilla, blocking Danny’s path. 

“Move, Carmilla,” Danny demanded.

“Why don’t you try and make me,” Carmilla teased back. Danny’s expression quickly morphed from anger to confusion and shock. She tried to take another step forward, but Carmilla ducked down, swiping at Danny’s legs. In one swift movement, Danny was lying on the ground, Carmilla standing over her. Danny quickly righted herself, staring at Carmilla in disbelief.

“What the hell, Elvira!” Danny yelled and she shoved at Carmilla’s shoulder. Carmilla dodged the push, throwing her weight into Danny’s sternum. Danny stumbled back, bent over and trying to catch her breath. Her eyes were flickering back and forth between Carmilla and me, like she was searching for some type of explanation. I wasn’t all that sure I even had an explanation, but before I could open my mouth to speak, Carmilla lunged toward Danny. Carmilla wrapped her arms around Danny’s middle and hurled her to the ground. The momentum brought them both crashing to the ground, but Carmilla’s small size made her far more agile than Danny. She jumped up and wrapped her legs around Danny’s chest, pinning her arms to the floor. Danny began twisting and kicking her legs trying to make Carmilla lose her balance. “Laura!”

I could hear Danny screaming my name, along with the noise of Will, Mel, and Kirsch trying to hold off the swarm of Republic soldiers that were inevitably coming after us. But my feet wouldn’t move, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I just stood there and watched as Carmilla pulled a knife from her boot, holding it above Danny’s face, with the same dark, sadistic grin that was plastered on Vordenberg’s face. It was then that I realized what I needed to do. 

I ran forward, jumping over the large wooden desk in front of me, and threw Vordenberg up against the wall. The smile was gone from his face, but his eyes were wide with surprise. Before I could lift another finger to him, Carmilla’s body was colliding with mine. She was holding me against the ground, her knee digging into my chest and making it hard for me to breathe. I could see Danny lying unconscious on the ground behind her. Vordenberg was standing over me, the smile back on his face.

“Did you really think that you could stop me?” He asked, his voice sickeningly sweet. “No one can stop me, Colonel. The quicker you see that, the easier this will be for everyone.”

Carmilla’s hand was wrapped around my neck, squeezing. My hands were wrapped around her wrist, but I couldn’t fight back. As Vordenberg spoke, I focused on Carmilla’s eyes. They were empty and cold. Her expression was blank. It was almost like she had no idea who I was. 

“Carm,” I whispered as her grip began to tighten around my throat. I could see her pupils start to enlarge, but then quickly shrink again. “Carmilla please,” I pleaded. Her lip started to quiver, and I could see her jaw clenching. I fisted my one hand into the front of her shirt, the other still gripping her arm. “Carm, please come back to me.” She closed her eyes, and I could see them moving rapidly behind her lips. Her expression was one of pain, and I could see that war she was fighting within herself. “I remember everything,” I started, hoping that it would trigger something within her.

“I remember when my mom died, and you were the only one who could get me out of bed afterward. I remember when we were 5, and you told me that you were going to marry me. I remember the pretend wedding we had that day, and the real one almost 20 years later.” My vision started to blur as hot tears began to cloud my eyes. They streamed down my cheeks as I continued. “Carmilla Karnstein I remember you. I can’t remember a time before you, but I can remember how empty I felt without you. I need you. Please, Carm.” My voice was harsh, shaky, and barely above a whisper. I could hardly breathe, but I couldn’t stop. “Please come back to me.” Carmilla’s eyes opened, and her face relaxed.

“Laura?” She sounded so small, and so scared. Her hand released from around my throat. She quickly scrambled off of me, backing away. I sat up, gasping for air. She kneeled in front of me, her hands cupping my face. “Are you okay?” She asked, with the utmost concern in her voice. 

I nodded, then tugged at the front of her shirt that I was still holding onto and crashed our lips together. Her fingers wove into my hair as I pulled her closer. Tears were still streaming down my cheeks, but I didn’t dare pull away from her, for fear that if I did she wouldn’t be Carmilla anymore. Carmilla was the first to pull away, leaving my lips chasing after hers. She laughed at the action as she leaned her forehead against mine.

“God, I missed you.” Her thumbs were wiping away the tears that had streaked down my cheeks as she spoke. “Laura?” She asked, in her small voice that she usual reserved for moments when she was scared. I hummed my acknowledgement for her to continue. “Do you really remember our first wedding?” My face broke out into a smile so big it made my cheeks hurt.

“Of course I do.” I said, pulling my head back so that I could look into her eyes. “Carmilla, I could never forget the day that I met you.” Her eyes were wide as she listened to what I was saying. “It was the best day of my life.” Her lips curved up into a small smirk, and I felt my heart beating rapidly in my chest at the sight of it.

“Good,” she mumbled before leaning in to kiss me again. When she pulled back again, her smirk was replaced by a full grin. “Because-“  
Carmilla’s smile disappeared, as her brow knit together. Her hand dropped from my hair and pressed against her stomach. When she pulled it away, her hand was covered in blood. My arms wrapped around her as she began to fall backward. I kneeled next to her, pressing my hand against the wound that was now in her abdomen. I could feel her breathing start to slow underneath my hand. 

“Carmilla, stay with me.” I could hear the sounds of explosions outside, and gunfire all around me, but my eyes never left Carmilla’s. The blood kept trickling through my fingers and down my hands. I watched as the rise and fall of her chest became more drawn out, and less frequent. 

“Laura,” she whispered. I pulled my eyes away from my crimson hands at the sound of her calling my name. “I love you, Laura Eileen Hollis.”

“Carm, please,” I began begging, again. I felt my chest start to burn and my eyes start to sting as the tears came rushing back. “Please don’t leave me. Not again,” I started pleading, as my body began to shake. She reached her hand up, cupping my cheek, and swiped away with tears with her thumb.

“Never,” she whispered back as her eyes closed and her arm fell behind me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long! I am SO sorry that it has taken me like, 6 months to update this! Hope you all enjoyed it, though!

**Author's Note:**

> Eye Of The Storm - X Ambassadors  
> Fear and Loathing - Marina and The Diamonds  
> Sweet Dreams - Marilyn Manson  
> Degausser - Brand New  
> Where Is My Mind (feat. Emily Browning) - Yoav  
> Gorgeous (Upstate Sessions) - X Ambassadors  
> Gasoline - Halsey  
> As You Are - The Weeknd  
> Uprising - Muse  
> Raise Hell - Dorothy  
> Panic Switch - Silversun Pickups  
> I Found - Amber Run  
> Under Control - Ellie Goulding  
> Hells Bells - AC/DC  
> I Walk The Line - Halsey  
> Take It From Me - Kongos  
> Running Up That Hill - Placebo  
> The Pretender - The Foo Fighters  
> You - Keaton Henson  
>  
> 
> I always love feedback so follow me!  
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> Twitter- @lesbolusted


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